Anyone else have "supportive" parents who are sooooo not...

[staryeyed]

My Mum is so annoying. She thinks she is being so helpful when she keeps telling me how my Ds 2.5 ASD is just like other children or smarter apparently

If I here one more time "there are not many 2 year olds that can do that" when talking about something that he has actually been delayed in learning. It's not helping its so frustrating I wish she would just stop. She even compared him to someone else's son who also has SN and said "her son cant do that" I was like WTF he has SN too. She just doesn't get it. She hasn't been around any young children so has no idea what they should be doing etc but her hazy memory backs up her statements when I argue- "well you werent doing that at his age". Now dont get me wrong I am so proud of my son for all his achievements but constantly being told he is "normal" is not helping. My mum over looks all his issues and just talks about him like his only problem is with his speech and when that is sorted he's going to be just like every other child. The thing is it was her who spotted the first signs- didnt tell me kept it to herself for months. I had no idea just a suspicion that Ds was a bit different. She also keeps saying that it must be his MMR (I do believe it may trigger some cases) that caused his autism when he has blatantly had symptoms since birth; I remember that he didnt look at me when feeding -he looked all around the room. His babbling was delayed, he never learned to point. Learned to wave late then lost it. Although he had learned words, they were never functional-he just used to say them to himself. Avoided mirrors, didnt like books of faces, odd laughter for no reason etc Of course at the time I dint realise but looking back it was all there. Anyway rant over.

She jsut maybe going through denial.
I know it is annoying, especially when you have accepted that he is autistic, with all his idiocyncracies. She is probably in denial and is just not dealing with it all very well.
My dh regularly(I am sure that I have spelt that wrong...) says that ds has looked at him for ages, when it was actually for around 2 seconds. I have started to make him count how long he actually looks at him for. Ds can do things like count forwards and backwards up to 20, he knows the alphabet and can read some words, although he doesn't understand those words or use them in context. But, he can't ask for things he needs, can't talk, except echolalia, is constantly counting. However, if you asked hm for two of something, he would look at you blankly and then smile saying '2 2 2 3 4 5 6 ....'
I found the only way to make dh see that there was something not quite right with ds, was to make him go to the mums and tots group with me, and see for himself. He was pretty shocked. Even though he cansee the difference, he still wants to hold on to the hope that ds will somehow just grow out of it, or get better. It does upset me sometimes, especially when I have battled to come to terms with it all in the first place.
My in-laws on the other hand, think he need more 'brain-food', now that makes me

Yes, my parents are like this. I think a lot are - friends do it too.
It is, I think, a mixture of denial and trying to do the right thing. It is annoying as hell but i try to see it as a counter balance to things like IEP's and filling in the DLA reports where having to focus so intently on what DS CAN'T do leaves me feeling bereft.

I also have to say that having a grandparent whjo thinks your child is fantastic isn't really the worst thing. My dad died a couple of years ago and i can now reflect on his determination to see my DS2 as only mildly impaired and "smart as a button" and "cheeky and knowing more than he lets on" as strangely endearing.

I am grimly aware that when you have a parent that does this it puts you in the awful position of seeming negative about your own child all the time which is depressing and upsetting. So I am not saying it is ok. I am just saying that so few parents do as we would wish and often they are misguided and misjuding rather than mean.
I smile and nod and the swear quietly to myself.

....( I also use it to encourage my mum to babysit more "after all you are always saying how well he is doing - how much trouble can he be? )

my parents just say - OH but he's OK isn't he, I think if you can't treat it with a tablet they just don't get it.

DS2's preschool teacher would say "my son was just like that" every time we discussed a report, dx or something that ds was doing. I know she was trying to reassure but actually it was just not helpful. I had to stop myself asking if her son had been assessed

'She thinks she is being so helpful when she keeps telling me how my Ds 2.5 ASD is just like other children or smarter apparently' Oh goodness yes, MIL was just like that before the spilt (she verbally attacked DS1 thinking I wsn't in the room- called him afreak FGS). FIL does it too, 'Oh your DH was just like that- a bit special at school (his terminology)- DS3 willc atch up'. Erm hardly! FIL means well though, he sees them rarely and doesn't get to see the struggles.

My araents were at first, but theya ccept it now. They do notice when they make an improvemnt but they are so good about special diets and stuff, its such a help! Shame they live too far away now to see more than once or twice a month.

Oh yes- Dh is like it too, he seems to think that as long as the final DX isn't severe ASd that it will all just right itself (DX's are likely to be either PDD-NOS or moderate ASD). It won't of course, but he can't see that ALTHOUGH he did agree with me tonight when I said the only thing I didn't like about being tenants (we were owners before) was that we wuldn't be leaving somewhere for ds3 to live, and it would be good to buy one day even if just a small 2 bed so DS3 could have some security- he agreed!

Hi my mother is totally like this and it annoyes me so much. I need the support from her and have a crutch to lean on that i can talk to about things when im upset over his behavouir and feel i cant cope anymore but unfortunatly this is not the case she wont accept their is something wrong with him and accused me of milking it when she found out i applied for DLA and CA.

i TRY AND TALK TO MY MUM about the assesments and th8ngs that are going on but she makes me feel negative about him as she will often say 'He is very bright and inteligent coz he is a wiz at puzzles and allways has been' only thing he can keep still for.

When she comes over my ds turns crazy, cant keep calm or quiet so i place him on the stairs and she will want him on his lap and climbing all over her he is not a baby!!It makes me feel bad to tell him to stay where he is as she makes me feel guilty. she dont nderstand anythng even tho my brothers has aspergers!! she can never support me.