Possible Adhd/Add/ behavioral help needed!!

[2unicorns]

Hello,

I have a 6.5yr old daughter who is getting extremely hard to deal with at present. First of all we noticed something about her when she was around 20mths+ with her speech. She was referred at 3 to speech therapy as she wasnt forming sentences etc.. this carried on through nursery she did speak but in blocks of words not sentences. Now its moved onto pronunciation of words that she she know but isnt getting it. We have had issues with reading at age of 5 and her phonics blending. Into primary 2 (5-6yrs) we havent gotten any further. Reading is still pink level, needs alot of one to one. Her concentration is very minimal. Moving around. Fidgits, drops things. Picks at things. Will be doing a list of say 10 addition sums and after like 4 she will forget how to add. She will throw a fit and leave the work. Her behaviour and listening is the big major concern I have. She will not listen, and I dont mean just the way kids dont listen. Take today for instance. She slammed the dvd player because the show wasnt the correct one and she wouldn't be patient and wait until one of us was finished in the kitchen to change it over. She stamped her feet squealing in hysterics that she needed to be removed from the room to calm down. Our 3 year old started crying because of the noise she was creating. So daddy said you wont be going out today because of your behaviour. So she kept on and on about going outside to play instead. I said no and literally 5 mins later , can I play out the front or the back? I said no , literally said no and she said it again. Can I play out the front or the back. This happens ALL the time it kind if reminds me of the goldfish that forgets withing 3 seconds and then asks the same question. Her ability to take in what I have just said is non existent.

She cant walk by her brother without tapping him, annoying or saying something. If he is playing by himself she will intervene and try and play which I no is normal but I've tried to explain to her sometimes he just wants to play by himself but she cant grasp this then it turns into a screaming match.

When we put the kids to bed we normally just head to bed ourselves to watch something on tv. There is at least 3 or 4 times a night where she will come into our room to tell us things that happened last week or to ask when are we going to.. say the beach. She will have cleaned her teeth and gone to the toilet before bed and then literally 10mins later she up at the toilet again. This happens every night and if the youngest hasnt gone to sleep straight away her opening and closing her door gets him up then they are both in and out. She woke me up, hes banging on the wall shes being to noisey etc..

When the front door goes say postie she will run out behind me into the street and run about. When we are saying goodbye to grandparents at the door she will run like the hammers. Encouraging the youngest to do the same. If we are out walking she will try and run on. She will not listen. She touches everything. Taps everything in shops. Pokes stuff and cant stand still. We got out of the car lastnight after being out and beach we had a late one so we werent home until about 8.30 got out of the car and bolted down the street I literally had to chase her round the culd de sac to get her in and she just laughs in this hysterical high pitched laugh. The youngest behaviour is totally different. He will do as he is told. Listens is well behaved when not around his sister. Is so helpful , polite and well mannered. I know they ate opposite of sex and you cant compare children but the differences are noticeable and clear. The school suspect there might be something along the lines of a learning difficulty as well as some minor behavioural issues but with the pandemic they havent been able to keep a full record of her problems apart from the reading because that's been an issue from day 1.

The school have her on the SEN register for the 'stages' and shes still early days for any kind of assessment so I know that's just a waiting game but I have no guidance on what to do for her. None of us can understand her behaviours and no what to do with them and how to deal with her and its getting to the point where both of us are being effected mentally more so my husband he cant get his head round it why she cant just listen to what's being said. My hubby would start a conversation with me which would literally have been silence for the last 10mins and as soon as he says something to me or asked me a question shes jumping up to start a conversation and he cracks up and shouts at her for interrupting.

Shes not the type of child you can ignore. She doesnt get bored of you ignoring her if she is keeping on about something we have tried so many times, then there a times when we have tried to talk to her and reason with her , her response will be either laugh at you, cover her ears or she stand and scream. She does get frustrated when she's trying to tell you something, say she saw a programme or a toy in the shop and tried to explain it , it takes her a long time to focus and explain something, normally taking her a few goes to get out what she wants to say, we have always gave her time and never butted in or finished her sentence and sometimes in the conversation she will just stop and turn round and walk away and I'm left dumbfounded, if I try and ask her what she was telling me she will angry and frustrated and tell me she cant remember. She will also ask the same questions every day even though we have told her the answer like so many times. Topics of conversations are always repeated and asked about. She will ask me things like what animal is bread. I will explain to her the process , wheat grows in the ground, then is made to flour, flour mixed with other ingredients cooked together makes bread...
mum.. what animal does bread come from , I understand she is learning but the same questions are asked all the time and the information doesnt stick. Like she knows chicken is chicken, fish is fish, pork is pig and beef burgers are cows those have stuck but no bread, or pasta and things like that. I'm just finding it so hard to deal with atm,If I ignore my 3 year olds unwanted behaviour he stops after a few minutes. She just keeps going and going and going.

As I'm typing this , she has just asked me again to play outside... even tho the 4 times before I said no. She gets all the attention she needs, reading , playing, creative, painting craft, playing outside. In fact the last 5 days have been non stop for her with things to do and places to go and she will get to do things alone with us, without her brother, things as a family as I make sure she gets 1 to 1 as well but its never enough for her I'm exhausted and running out of ways to help her.

Thank you for getting this far ,

Clearly something is not right. I'd make an appointment to speak to your GP and ask to be referred to a paediatrician for investigation.

I should have added. Doc wont refer unless school say the words. School are in early stages of investigation so they wont until she goes through the stages. Then they will call in the educational psychologist for assessment. I feel like in stuck in between. She loses interest very very easy. Reward charts dont work, naughty step or go to your room doesnt work because she cant stay in the stair or her room for more than 1 minute. It just feels like a whole mess in my end with no end

Well clearly school are not going to do anything now, and you can't carry on like this.

Go back to the GP and spell it out as exactly as you have written here, what you're having to cope with on a daily basis, how everything is escalating, you are at your wits' end and DD is having a detrimental effect on the whole family.

And if the GP can't help ask who can because you can't go on like this.

You have my sympathies OP. It sounds really difficult.

My DD is the same school suspect ADHD I can't deal with it anymore

It's really difficult, we have had a better week this week but this morning I she lay beside me, I had to get up constant wiggling, fidgeting moving about the bed was really getting to me.

I think the time at home has made the situation somewhat worse.

I know I need to speak to the GP again but its getting the courage to be demanding. Everytime I try and get to speak to a different doc the original doc gets wind and contacts me so I feel like I'm getting no where. I think I will have to ring about myself and throw in a 'concern' about DD and see if the doc will chat about it with me lol.

I hope you ok pinkpetal2, feel free to share your experiences and what your going through x
I've always suspected my hubby is on that level somewhere which makes me think that its possible she is too. My son is completely opposite and I hate having the comparison but if I can do that then others will start seeing the difference between them.

Can you ring the school and tell them how bad everything is and ask if they can write something for you take to the GP?

Failing that ring social services and tell them you're at your wits' end and no one will help.

It's absolutely disgraceful.

I would go back to the gp as you don't need the school to do the referral to look at possible neurodevelopmental conditions which I think is a lack of knowledge from gp, just make it clear that the school would support a referral.
I work within the field and have difficulties with my daughter aged 6.5 and feel like I am putting it off getting the referral!
Its a difficult process and I wish you all the best!
Have a look at adhd foundation website its full of useful advice including taking the first steps and what to expect from the referral process as well as behavioural strategies that you can start to look at.

I feel like you are me! My DD5 is so similar to your DD, practically everything you have described resonates so much as we are dealing with almost identical behaviours.

Sadly I have no advice other than to keep pushing for any assessment/help via both the school and GP.

In my case I managed to get a mini assessment via a nursery nurse last year (arranged via the health visitor) and that then led to a paediatrician referral and assessment this past January. We are no closer to understanding the nature of her issues as the paediatrician felt it was unlikely she is autistic, however she has been referred for an autism assessment “just in case”. I worry that if she isn’t autistic we will then have to wait for further investigations/referrals to see what else could be wrong. I have suspected/do suspect possible ADHD, ODD and learning difficulties.

Her school have also been very good in getting her any extra help that is available at this stage. Early Years are now involved with her and they have already helped a lot with some of her behaviours. Although we still have significant issues with some things some of the more destructive behaviours have completely stopped. I find social stories have also been very helpful in teaching her how to react and behave more appropriately in certain situations.

Write your concerns down, in point form so they are clear to see. From experience, I found, I'd ramble in the GP appt, and everything I wanted to say would get lost in translation.
You can email your GP surgery, FAO your GP, and ask for a telephone consultation.
request your GP suggests a way forward and a plan of follow up. This prevents you being fobbed off. Don't be afraid of talking to your daughter about any difficulties she may be having. You'll be amased at the insight she has into herself already.
My 4.5 ds has ASD and he is very aware he is different from his peers, and where he struggles. It really helps him when we chat about it as the situation arises.
Whatever the outcome, your dd clearly needs support from somewhere.

Hi

So many of the things you have written down sound incredibly similar to my DS, nearly 8, and therefore I know how mentally tiring day to day life can be!
I reiterate what others have said and encourage you to go back to your GP. If your GP still insists on waiting for a school referral, put a complaint in to the practice manager as this just shouldn't be the case!

In regards home life, the following are invaluable to us...

A visual chart of positive behaviours and a visual chart of negative behaviours. If DS asks for something and has been smart, I'll say 'yes, because you did xyz', and show on the chart. If DS is becoming a challenge, I'll tell him he is on a 'yellow card', and show him the negative behaviour which led to this.
If DS get to a red card (through several negative behaviours) I do the same and have a visual consequence next to the chart, ie 'no Xbox for xhrs.'
When the consequence is finished, I then try really hard to make just a couple of minutes to talk about what we can do differently next time and we go back to a green.

When DS wants to tell me something, I try hard to remember to pause the TV. He also forgets what he wants to say, pauses and repeats but I have found if the TV is paused, his concentration is better.

If my husband and I begin a conversation, my DS is also guaranteed to interrupt and will not stop. If our conversation is important, I tell DS to give us 5 minutes and he runs and puts the oven timer on. We will only have exactly 5 minutes to talk but DS knows we aren't fobbing him off with the 'give us 1 second' non-literal spiel!

When DS keeps comi

Woops, posted to soon

When DS keeps coming to ask the same questions or give us the same information, we try to use really direct language ie 'Right DS, I'm going to answer/listen1 more time, then finished. The answer is xyz'. Now finished.' If DS tries again - 'Finished'. If DS tries again, we used the card system.

In a nutshell, visuals, trying hard to be consistent, and direct language help us.
It is by no means easy but it does help.

Again