Highly Sensitive Child - any ideas? (although I know not really SN)

[alycat]

My DD is really struggling at her new prep school (upper part of her old school)we are having her tested for dyspraxia as she has always been clumsy, disorganised, forgetful and generally away with the fairies...etc although I would NEVER say this to her - well apart from the fairies bit! Nearly 8 cannot ride a bike, tie laces, hit a tennis ball, ride a pony (despite having 2) is left handed and reverses some of her numbers and letters still.

She has a very high reading age but cannot spell very well in creative writing, although is the top creative writer content-wise. She can cover up problems she has because she is bright. She is a real perfectionist which is leading to some real problems working fast enough in class but will not admit to needing any support.

She has always been deeply affected by things that happen and cannot understand the difference between real life and ficton. She cannot watch most childrens films because the frighten her, including when a little youger an episode of Postman Pat where he crashed his van! She still has to leave the room sometimes if she is watching cbeebies!

I have (this week) looked up HSC and checked off nearly the whole list of symptoms. It would be a very boring post if I went into everything.

Is it a recognised condition? How can I help her?

(Bearing in mind I have a SN DS who has a potentially life limiting condition and is in very poor health, by 10 days into term she had been uncollected at school twice(only 5 mins one time 25 another) as DS has been blue-lighted into hosp and my DH works in the USA mostly.)

anyone?

I'm not sure what to say apart from she may grow out of it. My eldest was similar at that age. She's now 15, still highly strung and extremely brightbut has better control over her emotions now. Bit easily led mind.
Having a sibling with high needs might be making her feel worried too. Children internalise those things so as to not bother you. Do you ever get any time to just go out with her? I know you wont havemuch time but maybe a bun and drink in a nice cafe after school will help make her feel special and listenend too. She may open up and then find talking about things helps ease her anxieties.
I'd also try Bach's Flower remedies.

Thank you NMC, having read your other post I was about to duck!! (I agree btw sometime you want to tell people how lucky they are)

We have some 'live in help' arriving in a week, so will (after a little while)free up some much needed M&DD quality time - I have asked her to make a list of things she would like us to do.

You are right about internalising feelings her (very kind) headmistress had a chat with her and was told "I'm loving it in XX, I'm so happy" when she was hysterical in the middle of the night a few hours before!! She can't bear to let anyone down or let anyone think she isn't coping/perfect.

Sounds like my DS1 but he is dyspraxic and has mild AS (even the CBeebies thing and he is 7).

However this is a book about highly sensitive children which I can't remember the name of. I did look at the book when I was wondering what was wrong with DS1 but there were some things that didn't tally for us like sensory sensitivity.

I will look out the book if I can find it. I am sure that somebody else has mentioned it in a thread recently.

I am not sure that it is a recognised condition and you might have to deal with the problems one by one. Perhaps the ed psych at school could help with some behavioural therapy to help her cope a little better. It maybe that it is particularly bad for her as she has to deal with all the uncertainty and difficulties you have all have with your DS. Most children don't have to deal with such things and it isn't surprising she can see danger at every turn.

Just wanted to let you know that I sympathise. I hope your DS is OK at the moment too and I hope somebody helpful comes along soon.

there's a book called 'the out of synch child' recommended by JimJams on this thread which, fair warning, also contains many comments regarding the phrase 'highly sensitive'

personally I agree with all of jimjams postings on that thread and it may well be worth reading it for that information only

Thanks Twig, that is an interesting thread. I will go to the library and order the book JJ mentioned (as well as the HSC book). I am now off to see if I can find a list of traits for Dyspraxia, many people on that thread say the HSC list is similar.

N, thank you also for your support.

It has hardened my resolve to get an Ed Phsc to see her and to research how I should adapt my parenting style so I upset her less. I put my hands up to being a little stressed/shouty/cross at the mo and I can see it is very distressing for her.

Much food for thought.

If you haven't found it already try this

Dyspraxia Foundation checklist of symptons

Thanks for that, I checked the 7 yr old at least 12/16 symptoms.

alycat - where have you got to with your dyspraxia investigations with your daughter? I ask because you were wondering what you could do to help your DD and the OT will probably do a programme of exercises for her which need to be done at home and school. If you are close to getting seen then hopefully help is in sight. If not I can look out a couple of helpful books about dyspraxia. Let me know if you are interested.

I have asked at every parents evening since reception if she can be seen by the school SENCO for a basic assesment.

It is a highly competitive independent school where this kind of problem is frowned upon (believe me I've been through it, have removed my DS after 2 terms) and they were unhelpful and a bit patronising - even though she had been put in the 'gym for learning' since yr1.

My DS' Area SENCO said I should go to a private Ed Psch to have her asessed but due to DS' recent health problems have had to put it off twice.

She has gone into yr3 and cannot cope with the change. She has gone from having most lessons in one room, being handed all books and having pencils on each table to having to get herself from room to room (on time)up and down 4-6 flights of stairs each time, remembering correct books, materials and prep book - these things are just not happening.

She is not getting lesson work finished and is trying to cover up by not telling me, and therefore not finishing it at home. I knew she was struggling and stressed but she couldn't/wouldn't tell me what it was. Until she got threatened with a demerit for not finishing last fridays history classwork and not finishing it at home - yesterday on way home she was absolutely hysterical in the car.

I want to move her to the school I have sent my DS to, she was offered a place and loved her trial day, but DH says no - I will be overruling him at Christams if no change, I just do not think she is the sort of child that works well (or happily) under pressure.

I would love any recommnedations you can offer me (including if you want to tell me my DH is an arse for insisting she stays at the unsuitable school and I should move her immediately).

Would I be better seeing an OT rather than an Ed P? Am paying as I do not wish to prlong DDs agony.

Hi alycat - fell asleep on the sofa but thought I would reply as I noticed this post when I was shutting down my computer and we are out a lot tomorrow.

The two books I have are

Dyspraxia 5 - 11 - A Practical Guide by Christine MacIntyre

Dyspraxia: The Hidden Handicap by Amanda Kirby

They are both pretty good and make suggestions on how you can help your DD.

The route we went down for diagnosis was referral by our GP (through the HV as DS was nearly 4 at the time) to the paediatrician at the hospital. She assessed him and referred him on to the clinical psychologist, speech therapist (dyspraxia can affect speech) and OT. They got together for a review at the end and decided on his dx. It was a long drawn out process. It probably took about 21 months with only a handful of appointments on the way.

I am still not happy about his dx actually. The clinical psych said he had some social communication difficulties but not bad enough to be AS. However, she didn't go to the review; her assistants who hadn't met DS went. Also they didn't inform the OT in time so she didn't go. I think if I had my way he would have been diagnosed with dyspraxia with AS tendencies but we were overruled by people who had never met him!

So the system is not foolproof but I suppose the therapy available to him is the same - a programme with the SALT which he coming to the end of and a programme with the OT which needs to be updated.

At one point I did consider sending DS to see an OT privately which you can do, as it was all taking so long the NHS way. I did have a brief email correspondence with one lady about seeing DS privately but one final phone call to the NHS OT seemed to do the trick and get us an appointment so I didn't in the end. However, if I were you I would see an OT first. I was told ed psychs are not qualified to diagnose only to support diagnosis in some areas. (I just tried to check this but can't find anything so I won't swear to it). Then again if you feel that being a HSC is an issue too maybe the ed psych could be useful for that. However, I think I would see an OT no matter what at some point as they are the experts on dyspraxia.

Your DD school sounds a bit of nightmare (I am sure that academically it is fine). All those stairs . DS would be worn out apart from being 5 minutes behind everybody else getting to lessons. Do you find your DD is easily tired?

I have no experience of indepedent schools but I have heard that they aren't keen to support SN. Maybe she would be better off in a less competitive environment if is really upsetting her. I know DS has trouble getting things done as quickly as other children - doing his homework is bad enough - and it can be very frustrating for him espeically as a few times he has had to stay behind at breaks to finish things. We have been very lucky as DS went to an outstanding infant school (not just me Ofsted have just said so!) who understood him very well and has just transferred to the junior school on the same site. It is early days on that one as it isn't rate quite as highly. I am seeing the SENCO in a week or two - I haven't been yet as I wanted to see how he settled in and how they found him first although I did speak to the SENCO briefly last week and apparently he is fine. Fingers crossed he stays that way!

If it helps I think your husband is an arse and should do as he is told!

If I can think of anything else tomorrow (today!!!)I will let you know. Good luck.

Sorry a bit long - a reflection on the fact that there is nobody around to interupt me perhaps!

hmmmm, 15/18 on that checklist for my ds, still no dx in sight, despite having been under the child development centre for 2 yrs. ot and physio even discharged him ffs, although i have fought to have him kept under the physio, which she agreed but hasnt seen him for mths now.
alycat, only thing i can think to say at this point is...your husbands defo an arse for insisting your dd stays in a school where she is unhappy. good luck with getting your dd a dx.

My Ds1 was exactly the same as yours. Our DS2 has CP and DS1 was really stressed about school and I don't think his home life was helping. He began to fall behind at school and was having screaming and crying fits at home. He was also being told off for not completing work in class and not doing homework. (was in Y1 at the time) I felt that the school was not listening to his needs and therefore not teaching him effectively. Some days, I just wanted to scoop him inot my arms and take him away from the school because he looked so miserable when I droppe dhim off.
He changed schools last half term (summer) and he is now a completely different child. He is back to how he used to be at home and is absolutley loving his new school.
From reading your thread, I would definately move schools, but mention all your problems before you start so that you can get an idea of how the school will react to them.
Good luck

Thanks Nat1,

If you mean problems to do with homelife/worries about her brother they already know most of them as DS is already at the school.

If you mean her unhappiness/HS they do know this as when she went for her trial day I tried to prepare them as much as possible. Told them about the number reversals (notably she did none whilst there), being sensitive and easily upset by television (asked them if they watched things like Beaver Towers - educational (?) prog that had been petrifying my dd in weekly instalments during yr2)and that due to her easily manipulated/dominated personality she had been being bullied at current school.

How did your DS1 feel about having to leave his friends? This is the one sticking point for me, she has 2 girls that she is desperately fond of and doesn't want to leave them - although tbh they froze her out and left her for bully-fodder so many times I think her devotion is misplaced.

I know what you mean about wanting to scoop them up, it would be easier for me if she did look miserable - she puts such a brave face on and tells me not to worry!

I bought her a book yesterday called 'Incredible You!' which we read at bedtime, it is all about boosting self esteem and telling someone how you feel (it also talks about God, but I didn't realise at the time) she really like some of the ideas it discusses and can see how it relates to her unhappiness.

Thank you all for your input, I will not be back for a few days as I am about to dismantle the pc (yikes never done it before) so this room can be painted.

He was worried about missing his friends, but he has made loads of new ones at his new school. His 2 best friends still come round to play now and then so he can have his 'fix'. They all love it when the 3 of them get together!
I wouldn't worry too much about it. If your chikd is happier in school then they will make new friends easily.
Hope you manage to get sorted soon!

Your dd sounds like my ds2. He is dyspraxic and has just started at a school that sounds not disimiliar to yours. I had reservations about it, but ds1 is there, and decided to give it a shot.

I have marched about the school telling them all about ds2 though. I figure if they take him, then they support him. The benefit of the school, which is a bit competitive and academic, is that it is highly organised and this is helpful for him on the one hand, and a bit pressurised on the other.

Sympathies. I'd definitely go in and talk to her teacher. You don't need a dx, you can say 'i think she's dyspraxic, this means she will need help with x and with y.' They are often quite extraordinarily ignorant about these things, and I do think you need to communicate clearly with them.

Hope this helps?

Are special needs not part of teacher training as standard, does anybody know? It seems to be a big gap in the education of teachers if very little is said about it. I am not saying they should all be experts but I agree with ahundredtimes that teachers on the whole don't have much of a clue unless you explain it to them, even if they are willing and happy to help.

How is she socially alycat?
she sounds a lot like my ds apart from teh fact that my son also has severe problems reading social situations.
He is currently being assessed for an asd...possibly Aspergers