AIBU? To a member of the publics reaction?

[mimi03]

im a carer for a child with complex special needs. she suffers froma a rare syndrome....which has certain behavioural and facial characterisics. she is staffed 3;1 in public.
soooooo we take her out to the local animal shelter to walk around and see the cute pups etc. she starts talking to a lady, bout mid 50's id say...... she likes asking lots of questions to total strangers! so the lady says hi seems very nice... i then say 'come on and lets leave the lady to it' and try and redirect her... the women looks straight over the girls head and says...'thats ok dear...i use to work with these'

THESE?? I found this sooo rude, not only was she refering to her like she wasan object, but also assuming that she couldnt hear what was being said! the thing is she thought she was being nice...am i being ott? i wanted to put her right but obviously couldnt as i was working

God,how thick.
Bloody idiot.

She was very rude. I do know that a lot of adults frequently used to talk over me right up until I was about 16, even though I was perfectly capable of understanding and answering. I escaped comments like "these" though.

Patronising to say the least - I hope your girl wasn't too upset, or didn't hear.

thats the really sad thing...she knows she is different but doent know why.... no one has ever reallyexplained to her why she has to live away from her family with the care home....and that its not her fault...and there are other kids the same....ppl really should just be staright with her as she knows more than she lets on.

"work with these"

Oh my giddy aunt.

I suppose its just semantics, but I do hope that the people who care for ds1 when we're dead and gone will have a bit more respect for him

I've heard 'these' and 'them' many times, even from people who work in the SN dept at the education authority. Drives me nuts. At dd's statement review the LEA guy said 'children like them' when talking about whether dd shjould be 'allowed' into mainstream school.
'Children like what?' I said. He then got allflustered while I told him that dd was a little girl who just happenend to have a problem with movement.

i must admit the ppl who worked in her care team were excellent, but i think that had alot to do with the fact that she could be very loving and when she was nice she was very nice. another girl i looked after was very different and was very rarely affectionate to anybody. she also had parents with SN who live a long way away.....guess which of the 2 got ALOT better care and facilitites???

I get that all the time re people with D.S. - "they are so loving/affectionate aren't they?" and comments on how long they live for

Mainly the older generation I have to say. I suppose it's instilled in them to say it! ("them" meaning the ignorant people)

ppl ask u how long they live for OMG!!!!!

Yes mimi, because of course having a disability means they cant hear or understand doesnt it . Like you said in your OP "she looked over the girl's head and said..."

Makes me but I think it's more ignorance than unkindness

oh mimi that's sad

I'm regularly stunned by the things that people say in front of ds1.

ive just read a very interesting thread from thomcat about ppl and the 'risk' of having a 'down's' baby. and how ppl think its a shame etc. i used to hear that alot at work that we shouldnt dicipline her or 'kick her off' in other words let her get away with whatever just because she had a disability, but i would always say she will get treated the same as everyone else (within reason....obviously some allowences would be made)she doesnt need pity, she needs normality. in lots of ways she is very lucky, very optimistic, full of fun, able to talk to anyone and tonnes of confidence, how many ppl can say that about themselves?

i met a nurse once (as you do) who made a point of talking to me and dd. she then said "what school does she go to" so I said the name and she said"oh yes I thought she looked like a XXXXXX girl"
i was a bit taken back . but she didn't mean anything by it. I think they just don't think

I have the 'will she live' comments. DD might only be 3 but she's not stupid. What on earth will she think when she's older?
When I told someone I was planning for her to go to mainstream I was told 'do they allow children like that at normal schools? Wont it upset the other kids?'

the MIL phoned yesterday and we got chtting....she told me that the lady up the post office has just had her first grandson.... then the tone of MIL voice changed and said.....'but hes deaf' in this kina pathetic , hopeless voice and then kept saying 'its so sad....so so sad...' and then said 'it makes you realise how lucky we are' meaning with my little boy. but after reading thomcats thread about ppl pitying those ppl with 'down's' babies, i thought that it was totally stupid of my MIL to say what she did.
shes making the assumpstion that because my little boy 'appears' perfect,that he will have a better life than the deaf baby. my point is whos to say that any apparently 'normal' baby wont suffer from an unseen problem in the future like mental heath issues, or autisum, depression, drug abuse etc. can you see what i mean?