DH and AS - advised to post here?

[jojo38]

Hiya.
I'm fairly new here, certainly new to SN board.
I posted in Relationships before, as this is to do with my DH... it was suggested I post here to see if there is any hope for me!

It was suggested that my DH may have AS. I have only just started looking into it and I have some idea that a diagnosis is probably unlikely at his age. I have read the basics of the syndrome and it appears to me that he has 99.9% of the difficulties associated with AS.

This is my second marriage (and his). We both have two children from previous relationships. He has an autistic brother and my own son has just been diagnosed with DCD Dyspraxia. I have a wayward teenager who is in the throws of experimenting "growing up". I am not certain I can cope with DH as well. I need someone to hold it together for me sometimes. I know it sounds callous but we have been together 5yrs and it has been a rollercoaster ride for me and my children.
I have mentioned AS to him and he has admitted in the past that he may be mildly autistic.
I have been trying to put my finger on "what his problem is" for years.
I just don't want this to be an excuse for him or for me. If I know what it is I need to do to help him and for me to be able to cope, then the future may not be so bleak.

I hope someone out there will understand. I just need a hug.

hi jojo38. i've just posted on your other thread.
and here is a virtual hug {{{{{ }}}}}}

you might find some useful links on this thread re:Adults and Aspergers -

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=1373&threadid=37582&stamp=041004175550

bumping for jojo38 - please don't let me be the threadkiller!

Hi jojo, that was me that suggested it, I hope you get some good advice

Hi JoJo. As I mentioned on your other thread my dh has been told that he almost certainly has AS. At the time we were getting a dx for our ds1 (autistic) so it was a bit of a shock even though we'd kind of been expecting it.

For dh things suddenly seemed to make a lot of sense. He said that he understood why he had always felt different to everyone else. There's a lot of compromise involved for us. I take a similar approach to the one we have for ds1 - if there's something he needs to do or feels he can't do because of his AS then that's fine as long as it's something that doesn't cause too much disruption. For example, after a day at work surrounded by other people dh needs some time to himself to wind down and de-stress. This is fine by me as long as he in turn accepts that afterwards I too will need some 'downtime' after a long day with our 2 sons.

I'm rambling now but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone out there.

A HUGE THANKS to all of you.
I have opened a new door but it feels a bit scarey not knowing what I will find. DH is interested in knowing more at the moment. I hear it isn't easy getting a diagnosis? Is that what Dx means? (sorry too new). He did go to counselling and has told me that this did come up in conversation at one session.
Having recently found out my son is DCD dyspraxic, and reading up, trying to help others in my family understand his difficulties, it seems a bit like I am railroading everyone else into finding a problem with themselves! Perhaps its me!!
It is not easy, but knowing that I am not alone does help smooth the way a little... once I know more I may find myself with a degree in psychology or something!! You never know Either that or a subject for some psychologist somewhere.
Hugs to all and thanks again. Please keep any information coming. I really do appreciate it.

jojo38 - don't suppose you live in the cambridgeshire area - Cambridge Uni has a centre - one of whose specialities is adults with Aspergers and GPs in cambridgeshire can refer there. Don't know if you can get a referral on a private patient basis if you are outside the area.

Link for that site is:-

www.autismresearchcentre.com/arc/default.asp

which may have some other useful ino

Thanks mummytosteven
Unfortunately not. Im in the Bristol area. There may be something round here, but I will have to have a hunt around. I will check out the site, thanks.
{{{hugs}}}