Going through a diagnosis

[AntiSocialDistancer]

We're in the earky stages of a private assessment for ASD/ADHD.

I'm all over the place with it. In truth still very much not come to terms with possible ASD at all. I just didnt recognise my son in any stereotypical autistic behaviour until I was advised otherwise.

Even as a lay person I thought I knew enough. And now I feel like the rug was pulled out from under me. He's energetic, loving, highly empathetic, very talkative and funny. He doesnt live in his own world, he's here with me

Just at the minute rather than seeing the positives of a diagnosis I'm just running to catch up with the last 6 years with a new frame of reference.

Any tips? I don't think there is much I can process yet because I could still be told he does not have ASD.

Who raised concerns? I imagine it was the school. What are they concerned about? ASD is a very complex condition and it would not be unusual for an autistic person to be talkative, empathetic, loving, funny, and engaging. However, above everything else, ASD is a social communication disorder and can translate in very specific difficulties around social interactions and awareness (this would be very different to just being shy or quiet for example).

No it wasnt school. He had a dramatic transformation in his behaviour in yr1 which led me to see an ed psych privately, school just kept telling me it was various factors. (Other children, anxiety, grief) I do know someone at the school who told me concerns of ASD in a private capacity after I mentioned the ed psych's thoughts.

I didnt realise it but his constant need to be on the go (just a typical boy I was told!) Is very likely to be a sensory need for motion. He walks in circles constantly, and weaves around furniture. He has a lot of sensory issues with food, an oral fixation slightly for chewing his harm or biting my finger.

He has difficulties with his peers and treats adults and grown ups the same.

@AntiSocialDistancer It's tough waiting on a diagnosis or non- diagnosis. I think as a parent it feels like a rollercoaster of emotion. Some parents talk about feeling like they go through a grieving process. Some feel guilt and put themselves under a lot of pressure for not spotting things sooner etc.
Firstly I would say be kind to yourself. Secondly just enjoy your wonderful son. He is amazing whether he is on the spectrum or not.
As a parent of a son who is not neuro- typical I went through the above stages. ((Hugs)). 😁

Thank you

It is tough. You will feel so much better when you know!

There are some great YouTube accounts out there run by autistic adults. Maybe somebody like Chris Bonnello (AutisticNotWeird) could be a good place to start?

There are some nice stories for kids too if he does turn out to get a Dx, to help explain it. I like "A Boy Called Bat" for example (and there are a couple of sequels but I haven't read those yet) - but there are more all the time. I'm sure there must be similar for kids with ADHD (or both!)

A lot of people, parents included, have a fairly fixed idea of how an autistic child and/or one with ADHD would behave and it can come as a shock to see the variety of presentations of those conditions, especially in their own child.

If you've already seen this, it's great for explaining sensory needs and has lots of interventions.
www.falkirk.gov.uk/services/social-care/disabilities/docs/young-people/Making%20Sense%20of%20Sensory%20Behaviour.pdf?

You've had some great advice here, don't forget as Niffler said, to be kind to yourself and enjoy your son for who he is. A diagnosis or a non-diagnosis won't stop him being who he is, nor could it make him into someone he is not. He's the same lovely boy he always was and always will be.

Hi there,

I lost count of the number of times I said about my 2nd son, "is he.... he doesn't really fit the criteria, but I know something is not right....". Then as each year went by, it became more and more obvious and by Year 6 he had totally fallen apart at school. Diagnosed with asd and adhd by 7/8 years old.

I agree with @Niffler75 it is like a grieving process. Even 2nd time around, I still shocked myself by bursting into tears when they confirmed it. Even though I knew by then my gut feeling from a baby was right. Even though I had been through one of toughest times of my life with my eldest, it still hits you bloody hard.

Whether you get a diagnosis or not, the issues you are describing still obviously need strategies to help him manage. At least you can start to discuss these with school ready for when he does go back, using the report to help put support in those areas of need.

Take Care

I just feel 3 seconds away from bursting into tears all the time

((hugs)) @AntiSocialDistancer

Is there anything in particular that is really upsetting you? How can we help? 💐

It's so much to take in. I'm sure the pressures of the pandemic don't help any either. We've all got little enough bandwidth to deal with daily life, still less getting your head around this. I found the emotion of just learning all this stuff and processing how it applied to our family very overwhelming and it made me very emotional (plus I kept staying up too late trying to assimilate all the information on the internet, so I was exhausted as well).

The thing to hang onto is that even if he does get a diagnosis (or more than one!) or if he doesn't, he isn't going to stop being energetic, loving, empathetic, talkative and funny - and those are brilliant attributes that will carry him through life. If you support him through his difficulties while being true to those strengths you won't go far wrong.