A parent ahs written tos chool to complain aboput ds1's presence [sad]

[Peachy]

we had a meeting (called by us) as ds1 is finding the transition ahrd, and I have to say teh SENCO is well on the ball. however it seems that a aprent has complained about ds1 being allowed in the school as he isn't nice to hers at lunchtiome.

Now, I fully agree she should look after her child but why oh why coudln't she speak to me first? I am there every day, they all know me. if I know there are issues I take action immediately, but this smakc of that time apents got up a petition against ds1 2 schools ago before he ahd a dx.

If tir eally was one incident, well ds1 has been battered blue every day and you (I0 have to ask if ds1 can really be always at fault anyhow.

We have managed to put a plan in place with the SENCO for lunchtimes now, and he's also being seen in relation to possible dyslexia and dyspraxia, and by a behavioural optician as they think that may help. The child who bullied ds1 last year is beings een for ADHD and once I knew that and there was stuf fin progress (when I spoke to Mum) I as more than understanding. So to put in an official complaint in writing? Is that necessary,a s a first step (they all know he ahs SN)

Its not as if he would have anywhere else to go, the ASD school isn't taking new pupils at present as the school is attached to is under threat, the few kids they couldnt allocate (DS1 would be one if this school fell through) have no school palce at all atm.

Please, if you're reading this- if you have probs with a kid you now is SN, talk to the mum in the playground- please! Most of us are slogging our backs off to do everything we can to stop this happening, we can use comments for parents to gete xtra help and to plan, but once it gets to letter stage you break the hearts of mothers who can't exactly be present in the school environment. If you iamgine your child is the only victim of vbullying then you're wrong- everyone in this family struggles with ds1's sn, and ds1 has no friends, is bullied daily at school and faces an uncertain furure. Work with me, and we can change that AND stop your child being bullied (if it is that, its mroe likely to do with an overload)- work against me and you alienate and further sadden our entire family.

oh no Peachy, the last thing you need on top of day to day stress with kids/PG etc. Very sorry to hear this has happened.

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Peachy

I don't understand why theyc an't just try and talk to me, thats all. I'm there- hell i just took on a role on the PTA committee- i'll likely always be there soon! They stand in a group away, and I ampretty sure I know whose child it is because of the way they have been staring at me lately- this child I know 'runs' a gang that preys on ds1, but he's totally their PFB. I've been watching how they're treating a friend of mine whose son is being dx'd with ADHD- same thing, kid hasn't changed but the minute they know something is less than eprefect- off they go, and you're out of the group. Normal civilities like @oh I jsut wondered if you kenew there'd been a bit of trouble' descend into letters and stares. Do they think that the mums of Sn kids have an infection we can pass on that causes SN in famillies?

To be honest it sounds like the mother involved is a bit of a tosser. It is very much her who has the problem here. So probably not much point in beating yourself up going 'why has she done this?' - answer, because she's silly.

If its who i think it is, she's really nice

Oh b*gger, bang goes my theory then
OK then, nice but doesn't realise the consequences of her actions. Blinded by concern about her PFB?

She's clearly either not really nice, or just completely lacks any sort of understanding or empathy.

peachy
but also that ds1 is being treated in this way.
you are calmer than me, i would have walked up to them by now!!!!!!

does this not border on discrimation against ds1 for his disability?

Hi Peachy
so sorry to hear this has happened to you and you DS.
We had two parents send in complaint letters to school when DS was in yr 1.
He was being agressive and lashing out, but not once did the parents speak to me about it.
The first time, we sent a letter to the family, explaining our side of things. They never replied, or said anything to me about it.
The second time I was so distressed, as DS was excluded for two days, that I couldn't bring myself to send a letter.
Neadless to say, I have never spoken to either sets of parents since, life was just too difficult at the time and their actions just made the whole thing even more stressful.
I used to hate picking up at the end of the day, incase something had happened.
I so agree with your last paragragh and I'm sure that no other parent would intend to cause a family such pain, I just think they do not realise the everyday pressure that you are under.
I hope that this gets resolved quickly for you.

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Not trying to be devil's advocate Peachy as my ds is disabled so am waiting for this kind of thing to happen. I just wanted to say that until you have a SN needs child it's so hard to know what to say to the mother - even if you are friendly and she knows who you are. In my dcs school we have been told not to talk about the children in the playground - you know, "your dc has done this to my dc" kind of thing- as it causes so many more problems for the teachers if one parent gets upset. They much prefer you to contact head or teacher directly to discuss it.

Sorry if that's not much help xx

Oh, I'm so sorry this has happened, Peachy. Maybe she's just too embarrassed to talk to you about it. It's not right, but it might be a reason.

oh peachy....this is so sad.
it makes me so angry too- why is it all so hard--don't people realise that we have feelings?

I suppose ther eason I thought she might tlak to me, is that we have discussed all sorts fo personal things before- the dx, her cancer- lots of personal details. So I thought she'd have raised it.

batters I do see what you're saying and I have often gone straight to the school (I did think this woman was a friend which is why she could have come to me), but I mention it, I don't put it in writing, whcich apparently has to sit on his file, which might be an issue if we change school in a few years- quite likely.

I can't believe this.

There but for the grace of God go all of us. All of our children are capable of being bullied/the bully in whatever form and for whatever reason, but to write to the school asking for a child to be excluded (IIUC) that is just unbelievable.

What has the school done/said to you?

I am so sorry this has happened.

Peachy, don't have any suggestions as I'm new to the school playground scene, but just wanted to say how bad I feel for you. That's awful, I can't believe the other mum just went straight to the letter-writing phase without chatting with you or the school informally first. Good luck in dealing with this, glad to hear the SENco is supportive.

School just mentioned the letter BUT we had already instigated a meetinga bout ds1 being bullied (!) so it could all be integrated, i think school was pleased we ahd already approached them (See! We try to helP!)

I am probably a bit anrked tbh because I know this child whose Mum I think it is (if I knew, would approach)- he doesn't hit for sure, but he can taunt / wind up, and he has 3 kids in his control that get great fun out of doing this to ds1, sadly ds1 thinks when they talk to him that they're being his friends- so he gives them toys, or goes and hits X on their say so- and then they stir up trouble ssaying 'Sir, did...'

Which sis soemthingt hatw eexplained today, and they are going to put a 1-1 in the playgorund one playtime a day for ds1, leaving 1 playtime for him to have some autonomy but with a flashcard he can use for automatic entry to a safe space.

So school are being fabulous, I ahve to say.

phew!

what you said about others winding our kids up is such a true observation.

i often think (and i know its wrong) that if everyone just left my son alone he'd not get so angry....

other kids know just what buttons to press...and they do find it funny...and they are also astute enough to dissappear at the sign of teachers...leaving ours to take the punishment.

it is like constant bullying....

it IS bullying, it really is! Its no different to name calling or tauntong- its cruel and thats what matters.