Worried about my daughter

[Willowmartha1]

My daughter is nearly eight and I suspect she has ASD although we have been told it's anxiety. She used to be such a happy girl but has changed considerably since starting her junior school. We actually changed her school to a smaller one just before lockdown and she made a friend but she is now going into school as I am a keyworker and she hates it as she doesn't have any friends there. She really struggles to make friends as she is very shy and quiet. The last few days have been awful she keeps crying (she never used to cry much) getting angry (throwing her toys, hitting me) then saying sorry sorry straight afterwards, almost like she has no control over what she is doing. She refuses to get dressed in the morning so I have to do it. Last night she said she doesn't want to grow up. I feel so helpless. All appointments at CAHMS are on hold because of blasted Covid. Any suggestions/advice ?

Hi Willow,

I am sorry your daughter is so anxious, that is really tough for you as her mum to manage and when you are working as well.

It is now being recognised that girls, especially "higher functioning", are often missed being diagnosed as they present differently to boys.

I know several (including my own) girls just like your daughter, where the older they get the differences and difficulties start to become more noticeable. They have just been very good at masking mimicking and don't conform to a lot of the stereotypes. High anxiety is extremely common, and whether your dd has asd or not , this still needs to be addressed and supported.

The first thing I would do, as she is clearly so anxious, is to speak with school and tell them what she is saying and doing, and ask what can they do to support her. She may be struggling with the lack of structure and routine, so ask them to put together some visual aides for her, so she knows exactly what is going to be happening. Ask your daughter if she can tell you what it is about the day she is finding difficult, go through the whole routine with her and write down what she says. Agree a plan together for the things you can can change to help her and speak to school about the others.

I would strongly recommend to try and read up on asd and girls and make notes ready for when you do have an assessment. In my experience sadly, a lot of people are not clued up with girls and asd, and how differently it can present. There are some excellent websites and I would start with National Autistic Society.

For this reason and like you CAHMS is on hold, I have been recommended the name of a Lorna Wing accredited clinical pyschologist for a private assessment. If this is something you can afford, it would be worth looking at. Rather than standard questionnaires, they work off the DISCO model (Diagnostic Interview for Social and Communication Disorders) a lot of history and a bigger picture of the child. Have a look on the National Autistic Society Website there is some informative advice on how this works.

I hope some of this helps, I know how hard it is and in this particular time, it must be even more stressful.

Thanks so much for your response. The school have been amazing and say they will ask the inclusion team to work with her next week.

Glad to hear that Willow, I hope your dd is happier going in next week.