DS told me tonight he was afraid of me.

[totaleclipse]

He is 6.6 with ASD and a sever language disorder, he is also mostly incontinent, he was playing a game on the pc, and this was the conversation....

me - ds do you need the toilet
ds - no
me - (ds had the look to say otherwise) have you had an accident?
ds - no
me - are you sure?
ds - yes

So I walk over to check as I often do, just as I lean down to him he says

ds- I'm afraid of you
me - why honey?
ds - because you get cross when I wee my pants.
me - ds you must never ever be afraid of me.
ds- why?
me - because I will never hurt you, I only get cross sometimes when I am tired, do you understand, you dont need to ever be afraid of me.
ds - yes ok.

Now I feel terrible, because I admit sometimes I do get cross, not very, but he must just sence my tone of voice, its usually when he lies about it that I get cross, and he rarely lies

Oh TE, don't be hard on yourself.
If anything,I would be pleased that he understands how your emotions and feelings have an effect on each other which is a sophisticated concept that is hard for people with ASD.

Hey,if it helps you feel any better, my 3 year old cowered dramatically in front of a group of my friends today and said 'Don't hit me Mummy!'

I'm a salt too!

I don't have any experience of ASD nor pretend that I understand anything about it but I clicked on your thread and I have to reply.
You sound like a really great mum who sometimes gets cross probably with frustration more than anything else.

I find them fibbing more challenging than the actual problem and have get cross with them for it.
Don't beat yourself up.

Sorry if none of this helps.

We are all trying to be the best parent we can be every day.
Some days I am better than others.

Oh no moondog, that must of been awful for you?

Thanks cbc, it does help.

TE,I laughed.
What else could i do!

Very true, laughing while wiling the ground to open up and swallow you

We all shout and do things we are ashamed of from time to time.
I certainly do but I know that most of the time I do a damned good job (like you I am sure) and that it is not a crime to be tired or angry or just plain infuriated when your kids have wrecked their bedroom for the umpteenth time.

kind of like moondog my first thoughts is that he was able (and wanted to ) tell you what he did.and the positive is you are now aware of 'his perception' of what you are thinking etc......as something as with my 3 boys...especially ds2 & 3 ...i have often been 'caught out'...thinking i am 'not looking cross' or 'dealing with a problem in a kind way'...and they have asked me "why are you doing cross eyes?" etc...as they are confused by my facial expression.

but equally, i totally understand how gutted you feel....this week i have been called
"the worst mum ever" (ds3)
"i hate you" (by ds2 for the 1st time ever...and that hurt as i never imagined he'd ever say it...how naive was that!)
and far worse unmentionable things by my ds1.

Thanks ladies, yes it is good that he is recognising emotions, he was fine 10 minutes later, and when I put him to bed, and the nappy snapped while I was putting it on, I said, 'oh this stupid bloody nappy' to which he roared with laughter, and we had to do a replay of it, cue, more hysterical laughter

its so hard...yesterday ds2 was 'only' throwing shoes and cushions at me...and i was 'taking it' as i was 'glad' to see him able to 'let the anger out'...