Meltdowns

[deathlyhallows29]

My daughter has possible autism and ADHD. Currently awaiting appointments.

Lock down has made her behaviour so much worse.
Prior to lock down she was at 2 schools, one normal main stream. The other a special needs to help her understand her behaviours. She got onto a course at this school as she doesn't have an EHCP. But is in need of one. She in year 2 and has been suspended a minimum of 8 times.
When all has been returned to normal (hopefully bye September 🤞🏻 or obviously sooner) she'll be back at her normal main stream school.

Any way, we're really struggling with meltdowns, how long they're lasting, violence, threatening behaviour and other parts.

How do you all coax your children round.
We've tried the ignoring approach, discussing the problem approach, consequence approach, anything you can think of.
On occasions we've had to restrain her for her safety and ours. This is because she kicks doors and windows. Throws things or hits us.

We're honestly at a loss and it's causing a strain on mine and my partners relationship. (My bio daughter his step daughter.)

We've done routine charts, reward charts, taking items away, taking certain tv privileges away. Basic praising, rewarding good behaviour, positive reinforcement.
YouTube has been banned from the main tv as it was causing so many issues.

Please has anybody got any tips, advice. Also does it get any easier? I would love another child but at the moment our daughter takes up our time.

I'm becoming exhausted and drained. Partner is furloughed, with no idea of when he'll be returning to work. I'm a home maker on stand by to calm my daughter at school (which makes employment hard with partners differing hours.)

Sorry I've seem to ramble but not sure what is relevant for help and what's not.

I feel your pain and am sorry you are having such a tough time.

Had school started the process for an EHCP before lockdown? She doesn't need a diagnosis and clearly there are major issues if she has been suspended 8 times. The EHCP opens up the gateway to look at more appropriate schools than mainstream, but I appreciate you can't do much about that at the moment.

I can empathise as my son has asd and adhd and to be honest he is more challenging and difficult to manage than my eldest who has asd and severe learning difficulties. Having ADHD and asd really does present challenges because as well as having a brain that is wired differently, they also are compulsive and are unable to think and focus or control what they do, it is not a choice for them.

I have started to look at techniques for children with ODD and PDA (I believe my son also has PDA) for different strategies, as like you none of the obvious ones seem to work. I am very concerned about the negative impact regular moaning/telling off/punishment and disciplines that are daily, when he says he cannot think or control what he does and is trying hard not to but everything he does is wrong. It is bloody heartbreaking.

A bit of an obvious one, if you can get the time, is to get her out for a good run about/bike ride, anything, woodland to climb etc to burn some energy up. We find certain times of the day he gets bored and starts climbing on everything or trying to make things (last one was zip wire out of my washing line) but just create chaos in doing so.

You have clearly tried lots of different strategies, I would continue with the positive praise, try and get her out for as much exercise now you can go to different places, it may help relieve some of the boredom.

Have a look as well to see if you have any local support groups to join in your area. Other parents/carers are amazing with what they can help with.

Take Care