Feeling embarrassed in front of the neighbours

[Sherbet99]

Hello, this issue might sound trivial but it upsets me a great deal.

My son (7), who has ADHD, can be very oppositional at times, especially when being told to stop gaming. He often shouts, kicks and throws things so the neighbours can hear. Tonight he let himself out the door and rode his bike off and out of the street. On his way back past me, I lifted him off his bike so he couldn't carry on, as it wasn't safe. This happened in front of a neighbour.

I feel like we're always having issues in front of the neighbours, who all seem to have perfectly behaved children! We're all in very close quarters and I can't stand feeling like everyone is judging us (I feel they think we're bad parents, my son is naughty). Any advice? I actually want to move because of this!

I wouldn't care if it was a one off.

His gaming is now off until Monday!

Any words of wisdom please? X

Just to clairy, I am not after advice regarding my son's behaviour but on coping with the feelings of embarrassment.

Having said that, does anyone have experience of oppositional behaviour and have you found that it improved when your child was medicated for ADHD? Just wondering if medication might help with impulsivity and have a positive effect on behaviour.

Hi, i have a neighbour with 4 children and 1 being autistic. There is loads and I mean LOADS of noise from their house and I never judge that. She keeps away from all of us on the street taking her bins out in the very late evening. Its very sad as she must feel very lonely. Kids look well looked after, the outburst are just kids outbursts. Its not forever- they will grow up from it. Im sure you know in your heart you are doing whatever you can and learn to trust that feeling. No person on this planet will know exactly what you have been doing only you will do. 🌷🌼🌻

I just wanted to add support, no solution. DD has tantrums and can have fits of rage at times. We live in terraced housing and I dread to think what the neighbours must think. The ones that I worry about the most don't have children.

At times I have honestly expected the police or SS to turn up. DD will shriek and say things like your killing me when I'm not even in the same room. I feel for you. It adds to all the anxiety.

DD is 7 and I suspect ASD.

One of my DC has adhd as well as autism and we started medicating 2 years ago. I wish we had done it sooner. It was only when his specialist school provision called an emergency annual review, to say they couldn't do any more as he just couldn't focus on anything. Within 2 days school said the difference was incredible.

It's not a miracle, we don't medicate at weekends or holidays. The side effects are he doesn't eat at all during the day (absolutely nothing) and as a consequence he lost a lot of weight and is now very slim. It works at school for him to calm down and concentrate but he knows it changes him and doesn't like how it makes him feel.

We have major problems with defiance too. In fact I am looking at the moment at the differences between ODD (oppositional defiance disorder ) and PDA (pathalogical demand avoidance). My son meets many of the criteria for PDA. There are some good strategies to help with this behaviour, have a google there are plenty of articles, some of the strategies may really help you.

Going back to your question (sorry), you have to have a hard skin, and that is not easy. I don't like having to justify why my son does something, I worry it sounds like an excuse, but sometimes it is necessary. People will judge, you can try an educate them, some will be willing to listen, others wont. Personally in public, I try and stay calm, ignore others and just focus of him using a calm slow voice, do not engage in argumentative chat.

My son tells me he cannot think about what he says, it just comes out his mouth, his actions are automatic, he cannot think about what he is doing, he just does it. He is not being naughty, his brain is wired differently, he is not choosing to be like this.

My neighbours are very good and understanding, they joke they all have their own issues and everyone is very tolerant. I don't know what your relationship with your neighbour is like, but you could try talking to them, let them know your son has ADHD and how difficult it is for him and how it impacts his behaviour.

I really do empathise, it is unbelievably tough a lot of the time.

I hope some of that helps.

My daughter (7) has possible Autism and ADHD.

I once had my neighbour complain when she was 3 due to the noise she was making (having a meltdown) as there daughter was trying to sleep.

Anyway after speaking to my female neighbour (it was her now ex partner who complained) explaining my daughters difficulties and apologising for all the loud noises she made/makes she understood that some is beyond my control.
I can hear her daughters so I know she can hear mine.
Every time I apologise she says she doesn't hear anything. Which is kind but I know she can.

Anyway my point is, maybe just speak to them and explain your concerns. Not only that but give yourself some credit and slack. It's hard being a parent in general never mind to a child who has extra needs.

Don't worry about what anyone thinks my son is autistic and has often given the neighbours hugs even strangers and has outbursts you just have to stop caring what people think it's that simple

we are lucky in that the flat opposite have a now grown up kid who is autistic who had meltdowns.

I also told a couple of the local neighbours who chat to everyone that he is autistic, so the news spread...

I have the same issue my DD is seven and has suspected ASD we live in a block of four flats and I know the upstairs neighbours hear mine and her outbursts ! Luckily she hasn't ever complained it's embarrassing though.

mine is older now and the swearing...
fucking bitch in front of the neighbours... that is one of the least bad ones.

oh the shame.