fantasy/reality

[sphil]

DS1 (6) has restarted an old habit of telling me long involved stories about 'thousands of years ago when I was an alien'. He absolutely insists that they're not stories though - if I dare to mention the word 'imaginary' or 'story' he gets quite agitated and says over and over again that it's true and that I 'just don't remember'.

We do suspect that he has mild Aspergers - some of you will be familiar with my indecision about whether or not we should seek a dx - and I've read something by Tony Attwood which suggests that this sort of fantasising is often seen in children with AS as a coping mechanism, a way of escaping from a world which can hurt and confuse to a world where they are invincible (DS has 'tiger talons' in this past alien life).

Have others experienced this and how do you deal with it? He often tries to get me to say that I believe the story is true - which I refuse (I hope sensitively) to do. I don't want him not to be able to tell the difference between fantasy and reality - but I agree with Attwood when he says that this coping strategy can in fact be a positive way of dealing with real life for a child with AS.

It's no coincidence that it's the start of term by the way - happened last year and then gradually died off as year went on - haven't had it in this new school at all until now.

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Havn't had experience with this i'm afraid but does sound to me like a coping strategy he has adopted what with the new school and all that. If this is his way of coping with new situations then I shouldn't worry too much but I don't think I would try to encourage and 'go along' with the stories either, like yourself.

I am curious, why are you undecided as to whether to seek a formal dx for Ds1?

Hello sphil.
Yes, we have that. (How surprised are you??!)

We have "Dreamland", which is an invented other-world (original catalyst was Peter Pan, but that was years ago & it's morphed far from the original) which features, among other things, "flying-whales" which are invisible, sort-of-inch-long, well, flying-whales. The main flying-whale is Freddie, who is mischievous, disruptive, etc. etc. All the usual imaginary-friend stuff. But ds's very explicit formal stance on this is that it is all true, not invented, and so on.

However - I think the truth bit is quite definitely a Formal Stance. I think rather than actually thinking it is true, for ds there is something very special in Freddie being something bigger than & better than a "story" - I think he does appreciate the difference between fantasy & reality, but that (maybe unlike more "normal" children) he sees shades of grey in that distinction. Like, I don't know, how you might feel if you had a very vivid lucid dream, that you thought was revealing something you might not otherwise have realised ...

The other thing that helps with all this is the sense of humour ds has developed - he is good at winks & wry smiles, and uses those to protect himself if I say something like "OK, Freddie's true - if you say so." I think making a gentle joke - it has to be gentle and absolutely nowhere near teasing - helps let the story stay in the grey area.

Ds's sense of humour is something that's got much more sophisticated since he was 6 - I've definitely cultivated it and I really do think it helps him massively day-to-day. How's ds1's?

. I meant that to read "I don't think I would encourage him, like you are not" or something along those lines......late night

It's OK Magsi - I knew what you meant! I suppose there are multiple answers as to why we haven't (yet) sought a formal dx for DS1, ranging from denial and head-in-the-sand to genuinely not being sure how/if a dx would help him. It's something we review at regular intervals though.

Hello Bink - I knew you'd written about DS1's Dreamland before but couldn't find it when I searched the archives using 'imaginary worlds', 'fantasy/reality' etc. My DS1's stories are nothing like as detailed and coherent - it's more like a rambling account of his (and our family's) 'past lives' centring round Tigerman and his battles with the evil Doggio. But the 'formal stance' position is true for my DS as well I think - and
your comments make me feel much better, as usual! Did you encourage DS1 to tell you more about Dreamland - to flesh out the fantasy if you like? I haven't done this so far because I haven't wanted to encourage the fantasy/reality blurring -but I can see that it might help him, in some ways.

Sense of humour...hmmmmm...mainly visual (custard pie stuff) and lavatorial atm.

Re encouraging ds to tell me more - no I haven't done that, as such - I've neither encouraged nor discouraged, except where I think he's doing it wholly to "block out" something that he really would benefit from focussing on - like, perhaps, the activities at a party, & there what I do is redirect - remind him that he'll miss out if he doesn't go and do whatever it is. He doesn't mind being redirected - though I have to do it a few times before his focus fully switches.

The other thing I did, which wasn't wildly successful, was give him a special little notebook to write his Dreamland wurblings in - but that was as much to help him with his reluctance to write, as to give the Dreamland stuff its own contained space (so that it didn't take over everything). Wasn't wildly successful as he still prefers to wurble out loud than write things. But it doesn't take over everything actually - he's not obsessive about it really - quite a lot less so than "imaginary-friend" things often are with children.

Separately: I think you and I are in very similar place as regards diagnoses - this intensity of make-believe is typical of the sorts of syndromes we're considering - but my ds (and yours?) seems to keep just falling short - eg ds's make-believe is more willed than compulsive, and that seems to be significant. This has also been the view of the professionals we've seen - that there are traits but just not enough of them - and I am not sure what good it will do him or me to keep on arranging assessments which turn out to be inconclusive. Instead what I do is try to be as informed as possible, and then treat him in the way it's recommended you treat children with language disorders/dyspraxia/concentration difficulties (and giftedness, which we're told is in ds's mix too) etc. - so as if he had a diagnosis.

Oh, this is interesting. I don't have any advice and have something a bit different, but DS2 (not the topic of my posts on the 'Dreamers' thread), also 6, spends much of his non-school time pretending to be baby animals. Right now he is Goldenfur, a two-month old golden labrador puppy. He has been a fledgling robin called Fluffyfeather and a baby squid called Stretchy. We think he has Multiple Anthropomorphic Personality Disorder .

He knows it is not true, so I don't think we have the same issue about blurring of boundaries. However, right now I can often only get answers out of him in barks or get him to progress down the road by pretending to throw something and calling 'Fetch!' The behaviour has increased a lot since starting back at school and it is most definitely a coping mechanism. It is significant from DS2's perspective that all his personae are babies - he has heavy intimations of mortality and finds comfort in infancy.

I've tried to tease him out of it with "Do you remember a little boy called DS2? He looks like.... and likes doing.... Do you think you could pretend to be him for a bit?"

He just barks in response.

Spooky! I am sure Fluffyfeather has spent time possessing ds too!! - did you see where I'd posted elsewhere about last year's social discomfort & consequential "Being A Robin"?? (Random PS - we found some gorgeous bits of footage on a bird-watching website of a robin fledging trying to fly & managing only to spin whizzingly round on the spot.)

When I tuck ds up in bed at night he is usually an owlet. Confession: I do join in that one. Deep soft reassuring HOOOOT

That is spooky! I didn't know your DS had had a robin fixation. Fluffyfeather was a fairly long-standing character here; he would fluff his feathers up at night in his nest and cower if he saw cats in the street.

I do indulge the puppy a bit at bedtime too - "Now snuffle down in your basket....."

You don't know how much better this is making me feel! Funnily enough, DS1 doesn't really pretend to be anyone else atm - rather than 'being' Tigerman (which he did for a while last year and I think still does from time to time at school) he just tells me all about how he is Tigerman (if that makes sense). He does talk to his Disney friends though - at supper time tonight I had to put my fingers in my ears while he 'told them a secret'. It isn't compulsive though - definitely willed. And you've put into words exactly how I feel about a dx, Bink.