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Silly always worried first time mom of a super quiet baby, please help!

11 replies

Flyingraccoon · 05/04/2020 21:25

I hope you are all doing well and staying safe !

My baby is 5 months old today, she started having eye contact and cooing around 1.5-2 months old, but she became super quiet and stopped cooing at 3.5 months old. I have been waiting for her to start cooing/ babbling and interacting with us again, but shes been very quiet. At first i thought she was quiet to focus on learning to roll. Now although she can roll back and forth and hold her head up well when shes on her tummy ( her head is still not holding well when she's sitting up even with support ), she is still extremely quiet. Now she stopped rolling over while awake( she only rolls in her sleep now) and started learning to spin around and scooting using her knees ? Besides that, She only loves her teething toys and putting everything in her mouth nowadays.

We still talk to her a lot, play peekaboo and sing / read to her but she just looks at us. I noticed she pays attention to what we are doing a lot, like when we cook, we eat, when we walk by or when we talk to each other, she observes everything, but when we play with her she also just looks. Sometimes when i breastfeed her she looks at me and smiles at me, but barely.

I dont know if anything is wrong with her vision, (we have great vision), because i noticed when we are sitting close to her, she looks at us but doesnt show any excitement or talk, but when she lies on her back, and i stand up and talk to her from a distance , she starts kicking and making raspberries and her face starts brightening up. She giggles and gets excited when shes playing on the mat in the living room, then i stand in the kitchen, wave at her and call her from a far distance. She also giggles when we play chasing ( like my husband holding her and i chase her from behind ) but also from far distance. when we hold us straight up, she smiles at us over the shoulder, but now when she's on her back or sitting up with her neck wobbling. I wonder if she can see us ...

Like we really have to try hard to make her laugh and giggle. But in general, she is extremely quiet and zoned out. She makes raspberries but doesnt coo/ make sound like she did 2 months ago. Will she babble again soon ?

About sleep, she sleeps well, some days she cries when we put her to bed and she sees us leave, but when my husband checks in and tells her we are here she stops crying right away.... she smiles every time we comes to pick her from her crib.

I am so sorry for being so paranoid, im mad at myself for worrying too much too. Ive been patiently waiting for her to be more interactive and alert , but she seems very mellow and quiet... we hope that shes healthy and try not to compare her with other babies, but if something is wrong , we also hope that we can catch it early so we can help her...
For the last month, she became more cranky, she wanted to be held most of the time. She played well on the floor by herself until she heard our voice, she would start whining and want to be picked up. She got better for the last few days since she is learning crawling now so shes not paying attention to us anymore. But she is still super quiet, even when i try to play or talk to her, she just looks, doesnt respond or make any noise.
Is there any chance she has autism, i cant stop worrying because i have an autistic cousin and we always regretted that we didnt take her to therapy sooner... Thanks a lot !

OP posts:
LightTripper · 06/04/2020 18:31

Didn't want to read and run, though I don't have a lot of very direct experience. DD is autistic but I don't remember her being a particularly quiet baby (though she was my first so I had nothing to compare her to!) She actually started talking earlier than her brother (who is probably neurotypical) - autism is about a lot more than talking/making noises. She was very chilled and happy, but so were lots of friends' babies who aren't autistic, so I'm not sure that tells you much! For what it's worth she's still chilled and happy now!

I know it's horrible just waiting, but it really is very early to say much, and I don't think you will get anybody to tell you an opinion even in person/after assessment at such a young age. We started seeing specialists at around 2, but didn't get a diagnosis until DD was 4. I did just want to say don't worry too much about therapies. At this age the only "therapy" anybody would give you to do is all the things you are already doing: just noticing what your DD enjoys and making sure you give her lots of whatever kind of interactions she does like.

Must be hard at the moment when you can't even really get appointments to check her vision out - but she sounds like a happy baby so for now I would really just try to enjoy her and maybe make some notes so you have a record of how she is developing.

If your anxiety is really getting the better of you, you might find the "Nurturing Neurodiversity" webpage and YouTube channel helpful. Not suggesting for one moment that your daughter is necessarily autistic or visually impaired based on what you've written, but I think Faye is really good on how to manage anxiety when you're worried about your child's development, and also on ideas for ways to interact with small children.

Flyingraccoon · 06/04/2020 21:09

Thanks so much LightTripper.
I think she started going through a sleep regression or something ... she naps so much more during the day and gets sleepy very quickly ... idk if it causes the passiveness. Im seeing a therapist for myself because im constantly stressed about this, i hope its more about my own problem ... i need to manage my anxiety. She smiles at me every time i pick her up from her crib, and sometimes at my silly dances. The last few days she is super super like extremely quiet, she doesnt even make a noise , except for once in a while she makes raspberries and thats it. This morning it was gloomy outside and she was completely quiet and avoid looking at me , i cried myself out, i dont know how to be more positive at this point. I really respect those moms like you, it must have been very hard. Im so worried that sometimes i convince myself that even if she was autistic , i would still love her the same ... but my anxiety still doesnt get better. She keeps tracking us, like she sits there and watches us do things, but when we talk to her, she also just watches, sometimes my husband does the staring contest with her, she has long eye contact period , but no emotion, like her face doesnt show any excitement or anything, we have to try so so hard to make her smile, like i have to do crazy baby shark dance to make her smile just a little bit. Was your dd like that too ? I know i shouldnt compare her with any other baby, but seriously the fact that she is super quiet and no emotion makes me constantly panic. Very rarely, like 1 out of 10 days, she suddenly smiles and talks and interact a lot with us, then the next 9 days she's back to her quiet state. My mood is just up and down ....
thanks much Lighttripper.

OP posts:
Biggreen87 · 06/04/2020 22:49

From someone who has anxiety i know how it can take over. You really do need to talk to someone about this and enjoy your little girl! She's so tiny, it's far to early to make any assumptions. Nothing you have said is throwing off any major red flags. She is only 5 months old.

Your reading far too much into her being quiet. My son wasn't a quiet baby, he was very noisy and interactive yet he has autism and is still non verbal at 10 years old. He still isn't quiet, he's the noisiest person in every room!

bluebell34567 · 06/04/2020 22:56

do you think his hearing is alright?
best to check everything with pediatrician.

Flyingraccoon · 07/04/2020 00:39

@LightTripper

OP posts:
Flyingraccoon · 07/04/2020 00:48

@Biggreen87 hello, i have to agree with you that i have a very bad anxiety, i know it myself too and am seeking help from psychiatrists :( i used to babysit a few babies back in college, then now im trying to compare my baby with them, i know its so unhealthy to do so :( but the fact that my baby is extremely quiet and not interacting with us much is making me constantly worried :( shes going through a sleep regression, i think ( because she used to sleep 12hrs straight at night with only 0-1 feeding), but the last few days she wOke every 3hrs and had a hard time putting herself back to sleep even after i fed her ) , so during the day she is always so sleepy, im not sure if thats the reason why shes been so quiet and not lively ... its so true that ive been reading way too much and set such a high expectation on what my baby can do ... :( im always trying to figure out the reasons for everything she does or changes, it drives me crazy.... she's so tiny :( i want to enjoy my time with her so much but everytime i try to get her attention or talk to her, she just stares at me with no emotion ... i dont know what to do anymore :( but thanks so much for supporting, you guys are doing such a great job... being a mom is not easy at all ....

OP posts:
Flyingraccoon · 07/04/2020 00:50

@bluebell34567 i think her hearing is fine, she doesnt always turn when we call her name , shes only 5 months old im not sure if shes supposed to do that already? But when my husband is on a meeting call, she turns to look at him or at least that direction. Or when i feed her, and talk to my husband at the same time she stops eating and looks at my face, or sometimes turns around to look at my husband, but still no emotion... so i think she can hear right ?

OP posts:
bluebell34567 · 07/04/2020 10:46

i agree she is very young. at the next check up you can speak to the pediatrician. now just enjoy her Smile.

oohnicevase · 07/04/2020 23:21

Can she hold her head ? Sit ? Is she floppy ? She could have dvm which may resolve itself or have hearing issues . It could be your anxiety .. some babies are just quiet .. my son has sn and he screamed the place down so it doesn't always mean there is an issue if she is quiet .

Harmos · 24/04/2020 14:31

Hi all,
Dad of a 3.3yr old DS who is also yet to communicate, he was also a very quiet baby, only cried for his milk and that's it. He currently displays many autism traits (not responding to name, not bring us a toy for joint attention, no words, walk tiptoes, is in his own world, pulls our hand to whatever he wants). He is our first and we didn't know a thing about autism, and truth be told if we did, we would have decided not to have kids (maybe adopt). We are now at risk of raising a non-verbal forever-dependent person, and that's our lives over really truth be told.
I am always worrying about him, and having started working since I was 14yrs old, this is not something that I deserve (not saying others do) but life is being so unfair to me and the Mrs who also worked very hard is her young days.

amankaura · 08/12/2021 13:18

@Flyingraccoon how is ur baby

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