How do you get your autistic child to go to bed?

[QuiteTiredOut]

DS is 7. He’s high functioning, very bright.

Bed time is challenging and always has been. We have a set routine of the things we have to do before he goes to bed. My problem is he keeps adding more and more things on to it which makes bedtime longer and longer.

I’m tired of spending up to two hours in his bedroom with a never ending list, especially when he isn’t my only child so he’s not the only one I’m putting to bed! He can’t wind down easily. His room is calm, he has a lamp and we listen to calming music.

None of it makes a blind bit of difference. We still have to play certain games, look at toys, endless books. Any attempt at ‘no’ results in escalating behaviour which then makes the whole process even longer. He likes to dictate everything. We already use a timer, we don’t read more than two chapters of a book, but he’s constantly pushing for more and I don’t know what to do about it. Every health professional we’ve seen tells us we’re already doing everything to try and make bed time calm.

I hate bedtime, I dread knowing it takes ages because he can’t accept that no we can’t sit and play a game for ten minutes then do something else for another ten and so on. It takes forever and it’s getting worse. I just want him to go to bed.

Has he ever been prescribed melatonin to help him relax and drop off more easily?

A weighted blanket may also help.

The lengthy routine and ritual aspect though sounds like anxiety. Identifying and eliminating the source of this is probably key though easier said than done.

Melatonin and a weighted blanket. We also did the Scope sleep right course, which was brilliant.

Our DS is 9 and is exactly the same, routine has to be the same regardless of what time he goes up to bed! We have to go with it otherwise it just ends up taking longer. We have found a weighted blanket has helped especially if he's very agitated and struggling to stay still. He does have melatonin which works brilliantly when the dose is right. Other things we use are sleepy cream rubbed in his feet and lavender wheat packs. When he is ready to sleep we play sleep stories to him which help him fall asleep.

Thanks for the replies.

We’ve looked at weighted blankets. So expensive though, if it doesn’t help! Trouble is he hates to be confined. He doesn’t really sleep under the covers and has kicked them off since being a baby.

It’s more getting him into bed that’s the issue. More and more things get added to the routine. It’s like he will think of everything under the sun to actually avoid getting in to bed, meanwhile I end up more and more frustrated and end up getting cross. Which obviously doesn’t help.

Melatonin has never been mentioned. He sleeps very well, when he actually gets to sleep. His consultant wouldn’t refer him to the sleep clinic because he sleeps well.

He’s told me sleep is boring. Gah.

This is a bit of an off the wall suggestion, but could you teach him about lucid dreaming? It's where you train your brain to be aware that you're dreaming, and you can then control the dream. It means dreaming is really exciting because you can do anything - fly, be a hulk smashing things, go to space, whatever you want.

I know it sounds a bit weird for a kid but my DH did it at about that age (in his case by accident) and it cured him of some nightmares he used to have.

I have often read on here melatonin being prescribed for children with the same sleep issues, i.e. sleep ok but taking hours to settle. It still affects how much sleep they are getting and has an impact on you and the rest of the family. IMO it’s worth raising with a consultant if you have one, or the GP (here it has to be initially prescribed by a paed, then GP can issue the script). It’s not guaranteed to work but it does for many.

I would keep a sleep diary for a week or so to discuss with them.

Yep, melatonin. We tried it whilst on holiday where it’s available OTC just on the shelves next to vitamins, now I buy online from America as still waiting to go back and see the paediatrician from last spring!!

We use melatonin here too, works brilliantly.
Same deal that once ds is asleep he is brilliant but he really struggles to wind down at the end of the day. Sometimes if he's really wound up I lie in the bed with him and keep Reminding him to close his eyes until he drops off.

If he doesn't like the feeling of pressure could you make him a den/tent over his bed? We have a weighted blanket but we use it more to calm ds during the day. He often won't want it on him at all.

His behaviour may be due to the fact that he is anxious about going to sleep, then lying there confined in his room for hours till he drop off. My son took 1-2 hours to get to sleep. With melatonin, it’s now 5-10mins. Although it is slow release, It doesn’t help him stay asleep past midnight - his fit bit sleep monitor shows multiple wakings after midnight. however, it’s mad a huge, huge difference to getting to sleep.

He also has a weighted blanket, white noise, night light, pre bed supper of porridge and a fairly short bedtime routine involving me tucking him up In a specific way, sitting in a certain position on his bed and resting my hand on his side for a few mins.

DS1 is now 16, at 11 we moved to using melotonin. I was really worried about drugs before that.

I did years of a 2-3 hour sleep routine that started again if broken. I have two younger DC.

My youngest, DD, is 7 years younger than DS1. When she was born I physically couldn't be in two places at once so started downloading 1 hour documentaries and programmes that I thought DS would like. I put a TV in the boys room which I know is against all sleep clinic advice. I had followed that advice for years and been told I was doing all I could but it was taking my entire evening. DS1 and DS2 would be allowed in their room and the bathroom for the hour of the programme whilst I settled DD. It took time to build this into the routine but allowed me that time with DD and introduced DS1 to the concept he could cope briefly without me. I typically joined them before the end of the programme to help with changing, teeth brushing and discussing the programme etc.

It didn't make things perfect and we still had major issues with things like DS2 breathing (DS1 was asked by his psychologist why DS2 made it difficult for him to sleep and he retorted dead pan 'he breathes' - not snoring/ loud or nasal literally quietly breathing).

I also found it good to be able to put something on in the mornings, those 4am ones, that possibly you don't have if your DS is a sleeper, when I needed DS to stay in his room as I was hanging and being mere mortal needed more than 4 hours sleep.

Thanks for the replies.

I think the most frustrating thing is when I looked on the autistic society website we already do everything it suggests! In terms of routine and having a calming bedroom.

Apart from the melatonin. One of DS’s issues is that he will not take medication so that in itself presents a problem.

Maybe a visual timetable about bedtime routine would help.

We buy melatonin gummies! Ds knows they are medicine to help him sleep but you could just pass it off as a bedtime special sweet or something?