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SN children

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Original poster

I'm worried about my DS going into the juniors on Monday

93 replies

Pinkchampagne · 30/08/2007 23:28

I really don't know how he is going to cope with it all.
He has always had to have a lot of extra support at school (doesn't yet have a dx, but they are looking into AS/dyspraxia), and there is going to be so much more expected of him now.

I have been trying to do his diary writing homework with him, and even with me sitting over him, it is such a struggle. His writing is worse than a lot of the children we had in reception last year, and he needs so much pushing to actually get on with it. He slouches & rubs his eyes when he is sat down to write anything, and you cannot read what he eventually produces.

He cannot organise himself at all, and there won't be someone constantly asking if he has changed his reading book etc.

Also, I am getting upset at the thought of leaving him in that junior playground with all the bigger children. He struggled enough in the infant one.

I am just so worried for him.

OP posts:

Niecie · 05/09/2007 10:27

It is the hardest thing to watch isn't it Pink, seeing all the children running around together and your own DC on the sidelines, behaving oddly. I might have said before that we live right next to the schools and you can see the infant playground from DS window so I have spent a fair bit of time watching him. Not so much by Yr 2 but certainly in the beginning - trying not to be a snoopy parent now as DS didn't seem to appreciate me watching him in the end. Not surprising really. That said DS is so much in a world of his own that I don't think he is unhappy as such. It is me who is worrying that he is neglecting his few friendships - in the end the others will wait around for him to join in and ignore him.

He wasn't nearly so keen to go to school this morning. Was stroppy with DS2 and had to be asked repeatedly to get dressed. He says he doesn't like school but I think that it is partly laziness. He would rather be at home watching telly and playing computer games, not that he is allowed to do either all day, but that is what he would prefer to do rather than go to school.

That is probably normal though - I can't imagine he is alone in that!

How did you get on this morning?

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 05/09/2007 12:35

It is the hardest thing to watch, Niecie, and I am pleased not to have to see him in the playground every playtime now, as it used to quite upset me at times.

My DS allowed me to leave him at the gate today, which is progress!

Like your DS, Niecie, mine would rather watch TV all day given the chance!
He has always said he dislikes school, but it maybe that he knows he has big problems with his writing etc, and I feel he is missing out on the fun side by not playing with his friends in the playground. He gets very few party invites.

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Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 05/09/2007 12:39

It's my DS2's first day in reception tomorrow, which is going to be another emotional morning, but for different reasons!

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Niecie · 05/09/2007 20:34

Hi Pinkchampagne - I hope DS2's first day was fun and he is looking forward to going back tomorrow. Bit of a moment I am sure - seeing your youngest going off to school.

My DS2 missed starting this term by 14 days. It is his birthday next week. He is a big lad so I am sure I am in for a year of people asking why he isn't at school when I go out with him during the week.

Niecie · 05/09/2007 20:35

Sorry I got the day wrong - trying to do 2 things at once again. Good luck for tomorrow though.

Niecie · 05/09/2007 20:49

I thought DS1 was OK this afternoon. He seemed to have enjoyed himself and had a good day but I was talking to a friend in the playground whilst the boys were playing with her daughter and DS1's teacher came out to have a word. She wanted to know if it was normal that DS shouted out in circle time with the others as she didn't know if she should be telling him off. She said the infants had said that he did this but I knew nothing about it. They are trying to get the children to put their hands up but DS is just not getting it.

She also said he talked very loudly which is true, but he seems incapable of turning the volume down. It has be a major feature of the holidays - me and DH telling both boys to stop shouting and speak more quietly. They seem to be in constant competition with one another to make themselves heard. Maddening. Anyway, I am left wondering about his social skills now.

He is not stupid, quite the reverse but sometimes he just cannot seem to hold onto an instruction. We must tell him 100 times a day that he needs to use his cutlery to eat his tea and he looks at us and it just seems to empty from his head and goes back to using his fingers. The thing about putting up his hand and not shouting out or trying to control his volume will be the same I am sure.

I said I would go and see the teacher in a couple of weeks once she had got to know him and she is going to chase an appointment with the OT. I think I will mention seeing the ed psych as well. Nothing to lose.

Ho hum, the end of the week is in sight!

aloha · 05/09/2007 22:07

My ds has aspergers and talks at the most phenomenal volume, chews like mad, shouts out at circle time etc etc etc.

Dinosaur · 05/09/2007 22:13

Oh God I do blame the volume on my own dear DSs, the noisiest in Christendom...

Niecie · 05/09/2007 23:05

Dinosaur and Aloha - How old are your sons? I was hoping it was something he might grow out of sometime soon. The teacher did say she had three in the class who were very loud. Sometimes i have no doubt teachers earn their salaries.

aloha · 05/09/2007 23:42

Ds is 5. I do believe (hope!)they can learn/grow out of it. I think stimming is so important to ASD children, but as they get older you can explain to them that it is socially unacceptable and this can motivate them to find ways to control it. Some kids sit on their hands or push them in their pockets when they feel a flap coming on, I believe.

Oh but ds is so unbeleivably loud. And has no idea of personal space, so he'll stand on my feet and yell in my ear. Lovingly, of course

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 06/09/2007 00:11

My DS seemed ok when I picked him up today, but I spoke to a friend who has a child in the juniors, and she said that her DS said that my DS sat alone all of the playtimes, and was hugging his knees on the grass.

My Ds doesn't shout out, but he has no idea of where to stop when he is doing socially unacceptable things, IYKWIM?

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aloha · 06/09/2007 00:12

Do you go to work in the day PC? If not, would you consider having him home for lunch, or is that totally mad?

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 06/09/2007 00:13

I work in the school, aloha!

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aloha · 06/09/2007 00:14

ah! So that's a 'no' then?

Does the school have a social skills group? Can you talk to the senco about setting one up?

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 06/09/2007 00:16

It is his birthday next week, and he has invited a few friends from his class back for tea, which I hope will be good for him.

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aloha · 06/09/2007 00:17

That's great (see my mad party thread!) but I want ds to be part of a social skills group at some point to actually learn social skills, because he needs to be taught to look at people when he talks to them or they talk to him, respond to people talking to him(!), use their name, ask questions etc

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 06/09/2007 00:19

Not really, although they had a social skills type group for him in reception.

I don't know what to do for the best with my DS, I really don't.
The pead described him as a very complex child, and she is right there.

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aloha · 06/09/2007 00:24

I'd talk to the senco and the NAS about setting up a proper social skills group. Also about actively helping him find friends in school. What are his contemporaries passionate about? Cards and stuff? Can he get some and get involved?
he clearly needs help. Is he on school action plus yet? IPSEA can put you in touch with someone who has absolutely been there and done that and can be supportive over the phone. He needs help in the classroom (my ds now has one to one without a statement) and I think he needs to be given other ways to record his work - taping it, typing it into a computer, having an assistant write it down. It's not fair that his disability is so holding back his ability to record his thoughts and ideas. Traditional writing is important, but in the modern world, IMO, not that important. But then I would say that, my ds's writing is absolutely appalling!

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 06/09/2007 00:24

Sorry, aloha, X posted. I agree that the social skills group would be a great idea.
A friend who doesn't know of my DS's difficulties, recently said "It is like he doesn't know where to draw the line"
She was comparing to her own DS who knew when he was doing something wrong & stopped, where my DS won't.

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aloha · 06/09/2007 00:25

A classroom assistant could also work separately on stuff like the Write From The Start programme to improve handwriting.
I have got to go to bed - catch up later.

aloha · 06/09/2007 00:26

Part of Aspergers is simply not knowing or understanding the social rules that are so easy and automatic for everyone else. It's very hard. He just won't understand why he has gone to far, and will need it explained to him, perhaps with a social story, and have it repeated and practised until he can 'get' it.

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 06/09/2007 00:27

He is on school action plus, but we don't yet have a dx for him, so he is down for emotional problems, which he probably does have mixed in, but there is far more & he is not getting enough help.

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Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 06/09/2007 00:30

Thanks, aloha, I must get to bed myself, as it's DS2's first day at school tomorrow!

Keep meaning to look into these social stories more, as I'm really struggling with DS at home too.

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Niecie · 06/09/2007 10:45

Pinkchampagne - hope you had a good morning with DS2 and that he settled well.

Can I ask, after this thread, whether you feel more or less certain about what DS's eventual dx will be?

I have been posting on MN for the last 2 or 3 months (despite a lot of previous lurking) and although it pains me to say it, I do now believe he has Aspergers rather than just the dyspraxia. Now, I just feel like I have let him down by not getting more help with the AS and pushing his case more. It seems that it is becoming more obvious now though so maybe the teachers will take it more seriously. His previous teachers have agreed there is a problem but they didn't think he had AS and that wasn't helpful to me as I could then continue to think he didn't need help.

Don't you just wish sometimes, that you had a crystal ball to see how they are going to end up?

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 06/09/2007 16:02

DS2 got on fine today thanks, and DS1 has a sticker for trying hard with his writing.

I know that DS1 has definite problems, and would say he ticks a lot of boxes for dyspraxia, and possibly dyslexia (reverses a lot of letters, numbers, and even ticks), but I feel he will probably be somewhere on the AS.
For some reason I find it easier to accept the dyspraxia, even though a lot of the symptoms overlap.

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