I'm worried about my DS going into the juniors on Monday

[Pinkchampagne]

I really don't know how he is going to cope with it all.
He has always had to have a lot of extra support at school (doesn't yet have a dx, but they are looking into AS/dyspraxia), and there is going to be so much more expected of him now.

I have been trying to do his diary writing homework with him, and even with me sitting over him, it is such a struggle. His writing is worse than a lot of the children we had in reception last year, and he needs so much pushing to actually get on with it. He slouches & rubs his eyes when he is sat down to write anything, and you cannot read what he eventually produces.

He cannot organise himself at all, and there won't be someone constantly asking if he has changed his reading book etc.

Also, I am getting upset at the thought of leaving him in that junior playground with all the bigger children. He struggled enough in the infant one.

I am just so worried for him.

Thanks for the link. I think I might have seen that book before (probably when I was in denial that he actually deserved the AS label - MN has put me right about that one)but I will have another look.

Do you think I should be pushing to see an ed psych then? We were signed off by the hospital after the dx and the ball was in our court about whether to contact the ed psych. I personally think he should have seen the one attached to the school automaticially even if it was only once.

I feel a bit of a fraud asking for psych help though. If it weren't for the stimming I would say his problems were really just dyspraxia related not social communication. He has a very mild case of AS, they say. On the other hand, I have always thought that with the right help he could be taught to cope in such a way that you wouldn't know that he had AS at all. I know I might be naive but really, his behaviour is not that bad. When we were first trying to get the dx the HV who started it all off for us said that autism was a spectrum so that on a scale of 1 - 10 NT people would be a 1 or 2, AS would be 3-5 and autism would be 6 - 10. Obviously not as simple in real life but it was just a model to help understanding. On this scale I would put DS on 2.5/3.

Goodness, I'm going on again. You can tell that I don't get the chance to talk about this in RL, can't you. Sorry, feel free to ignore me if you want.

The HV isn't really right (imo) as you get a lot of kids like my ds1 who are dx'd HFA / AS but actually rather needy (gets higher rate care DLA), and some ASD kids at the lower end of the spectrum who go on to have full and happy lives. ASD is far less predictable than that, imo.

Yes you should see an Ed Psych- there's no need for a dx, indeeed amny kids who see a dx have temporary or specific issues not related to a SN dx. The other reason you should see one and get help planned is that many AS kids tend to struggle around the 9-10 mark in my experience, coinciding with the onset of adolescence which can be a trying time for those on the spectrum. Getting the stuff in place now gives you ways of dealing with that and preparing for it. Even if you decide to hold off you should be aware that adolescence and AS rarely make happy bedfellows, and perhaps some reading would be a good idea?

It was awful this morning. Much as DS has been prepared for the fact he was going to be in the juniors, as we started to walk towards the junior playground, he started pulling back & telling me he wanted to go in the infant end.
You are meant to leave them at the gate, but DS wouldn't go into the playground, so I took him in, but he clung to me & wouldn't let me leave.

In the end, I went up to one of the teachers & asked them to take him from me, which she did, but I could see him struggling to break away from her as I walked away.

I think he settled in class, and sat still in assembly, but turned so he wasn't facing the head.

When I picked him up, I asked if he enjoyed the juniors in the end, and he said "No"

I spoke to the SENCO, and she suggested maybe finding him a playground buddy for first thing in the morning, but I don't know if that will work with him.

Hope all goes ok for your DS's, Niece & Peachy.

Oh, poor DS1 . I really feel for him, and for you.

I do remember how much we worried about DS1 when he made the transition to juniors and had to go in a different playground last year.

Is there anyone who could be a playground buddy - perhaps a girl in his class? Or one of the quieter children?

DS was OK BUT he always has a delayed reaction to transitions- it can take him several months sometimes, then as soon as he feels safe in an environment he lets go. Just as everyone else relaxes

I ahve a feeling they kept an eye though, as we met with the SENCO alst year, and the only thing the old SENCO and I could agree on was whena sked if he lashes out suddenly- 'Yes!' in unison (not sure to LOL or )

My DS has been very cuddly since coming home from school, and said to me "Sorry for not letting you go this morning, but I was scared" Bless him.

There are a couple of children in his class that he is quite friendly with, who may work as buddies, and also a friends son & another friends girl who are in the year above.
Sometimes he will interact with them, but other times, when he's not in the mood, he tends to walk away.

Glad your DS was ok, peachy - hope it continues to go better than expected for you.

PC your son sounds gorgeous- awwww! I am hoping will be OK, as he now has a male teacher- could help, we'll see

Buddy ideas sounds promising. What does he think of it?

Oh dear PC - I am really sorry that it was so difficult for you both. It is so hard to walk away. I hope the playground buddy thing works for you although you sound a bit sceptical. It has to be a very mature child not to be worried by a child who is very upset though - if it doesn't work I think I would ask if a TA or the SENCO would come and meet him for a bit until he settles in.
I used to get nothing but negatives from DS at the end of the school day, so in the end I stopped asking if he had a nice day and started asking about the best thing he had done all day. You never know, you might find something he enjoyed which you can talk about tomorrow morning to ease the way.

Peachy, I know what you mean about delayed reactions but that is quite common in small children. At DS2's nursery they call it the 3 week hiccup (although you say it is later for your DS), and I think that they suddenly realise that going to school/nursery is not a nice holiday but something they have to do permanently and they get a bit freak out/fed up and have a week of being difficult to settle and upset. Probably not the same thing though.

I understand what you are saying about the spectrum and maybe it isn't so clear cut between the AS and the HFA/autistic children but I think she was trying to reassure me and make the point that there are degrees of autism with those who have a normal life to those who basically have to be institutionalised as they cannot function in the real world at all and many variations in between.

I hope everybody is OK tomorrow.

Again, your DS sounds like mine Pinkchampagne - he has friends who he plays with for a while and then walks away and does a bit of flapping and pacing along the edge of the playground. I think its because he can't physically keep up sometimes and because he doesn't have much of an imagination (although DS2 seems to have helped him a bit with that) so he can't add to the stories they make up. Apparently he likes to work alone in class but is also happy to work with others if needs to be which is fair enough - I am a bit like that myself and I don't have AS, I don't think!

I have the girl from up the road round to play with DS atm, and she is in year 4, so I have asked her if she would look out for DS tomorrow if he's worried.

My DS has a couple of friends in class, but they seem to spend less time with him now because he can't cope when they want to play in a group, and he wanders off.

Sometimes I see him playing with others, which is lovely, but often he is wandering around alone flapping, which is very sad to watch.

Hope all goes ok for your DS tomorrow, Niecie.

DS is alright this evening but has been quite quiet and bouncing and flapping a lot. We asked him what he was frightened of after he said he didn't want to go to school and he said not his new teacher as she was really nice but the work being too hard. That is awful as that is probably one of the things he needs to worry about least, apart from the handwriting.

Yet again I come up against the problem of whether I should tell him about his dx. He was too young when we got it and wouldn't have understood - would probably have been terrified that he would have to have an operation, despite reassurances that he wouldn't have to. He knows he has coordination problems and that is easier to explain although I do sometimes think he might use it as a reason to give up trying sometimes. I might start a thread on how best and when to tell him. Do your children know about AS and their dx peachy and pinkchampagne?

Niecie,

Re yoru comment:-

"With regard to the Statement, we were told very early on by the infant headteacher that there was no way he would get a statement. He wasn't anywhere near bad enough to get one and you needed to be severely affected or disabled to be considered, which thankfully he is not".

Hun, you've been fobbed off big time by this person. If this person also told you he was not "bad enough", well actually the LEA make that decision not the school. Also you should be aware that "blanket policies" of discrimination are not permitted in law and LEA's are well aware of this. I would apply for such a document regardless; unless other plans school do a Statement does carry with it legal clout.

"To be honest, I think that he doesn't really needs a statement as long as they do the programmes set out by the OT and the SALT. I think that being on the SN Register is enough to make sure that the school do these programmes with him. I am no expert really. He is supposed to have an IEP but I have only seen one once and it wasn't that impressive so I haven't bothered asking again".

All the above are even more reasons to apply for a Statement in my view. It's all, "well if they do it". They are under no obligation to do so and you may well find that such things get withdrawn the further through the school system he goes. IEP's are supposed to be reviewed termly with the parent in attendance at the meeting at school, if his IEP is not up to muster then his support will be falling short as well.

Pink

Hope you found IPSEA's website useful.

I would urge you to apply for the statement; you have far more power than school would ever have in this regard (schools cannot appeal an LEA decision if assessment is refused, but parents do have that right).

I have a statement for my son and its been the best thing I could have done for him with regards to his education. His case got turned down twice by panel but we met with the LEA and eventually got this decision overturned. You have to fight and its one of the hardest things I have done. I also live in an LEA which is well known to IPSEA as being awkward so its not wholly impossible. I also know of children who have Statements without a diagnosis.

Really, ATM - that's interesting.
We have very few chilren at our school with a statement (infact I think it's just the one, and he has quite severe autism & speech delay), and was pretty much told by our SENCO that DS having a dx probaly wouldn't guarantee him extra help!

What are your DS's difficulties, ATM?

Niecie - I haven't spoken to my DS about his difficulies because we are not yet 100% sure of the exact problem until we get a dx (although I have strong suspitions), and I am not sure he would really take it all in & understand yet. Also, he is quite an anxious child, and it could well worry him.

Wishing you & DS lots of luck for this morning, Niecie.
I hope all goes better than expected.

Pink

DS was diagnosed with both speech and developmental delays. His statement started in year one and continues now with fewer hours. In year 3 I was told by the Senco that if I had applied for a statement for DS now I would not have got it. This is also a reason why Mr Meerkat and I applied for it when DS was in reception (he found his early days in there very difficult).

Niecie - hope also your DS gets on okay at school today.

DS was OK this morning actually. I had to keep the fake 'jolly mum' face up to stop him thinking too much. Had a dodgy moment whilst he was having a wash and he looked a bit shiny eyed and had a 'trying to be brave smile' on but on the whole he did very well.

I disgraced myself again by forgetting to give him his lunchbox before we left the house. He took it remarkably well considering it would sometimes have lead to a lot of angst and wailing. I told his teacher so that he didn't get anxious when she told them all where they had to keep the lunchboxes. There is a lot of emphasis on the children becoming independent in the school and I didn't want him to think he would get the blame for failing to remember. Gave us the opportunity to talk to the teacher before school started and he was able to be first in the queue going in so he wasn't aimlessly wandering around. Went straight home and got his lunch for him so he won't go hungry.

We will just have to see what hometime brings. Like Peachy I think the problems might turn up further down the line.

How did your ds get on today Pinkchampagne?

I am pleased he got on ok this morning, Niecie - that must have been a big relief for you!

My DS was playing up on the walk to school, but went into the junior playground quite calmly, which I was pleased about.

I spoke to his teacher & she said he has been ok in class, which was a relief for me, as I worried he would be quite freaked.

He brought home a Spiderman colouring, which he did in class at some point today, and took great pride in showing me!

I asked who he played with at playtime today, and he answered "Nobody - I never play with anyone in the playground"

ATM - my DS is nearly 8, so maybe it's a little late for me to stand any chance of getting him statemented.

Pink,

Its never too late to request a statement.

There's nothing to stop a request going into the LEA asking for your DS to be assessed. It needs to come from you though, not the school.

Attila, how is the assessment by the LEA done? Do they send their own expert to assess the child or do they get reports from the school/GP?

Pinkchampagne, sounds a bit better anyway.

Is it really true that he never plays with anyone in the playground? I only ask because DS2 says stuff like that - I don't know why but it is definitely not the case.

Niecie - how did your DS get on?

Pinkchampagne - I agree with Dinosaur - he may have said that he didn't have anybody to play with but that isn't necessarily the case. DS2 does it all the time at nursery but they say he played non-stop with loads of other children.

Sounds like your DS had quite a good day compared with yesterday. I am sure his teacher would say if he was upset and if he didn't seem to bad then probably he wasn't.

Do you work in the same school as DS, by the way?

DS2 seems to have had a good day, although, in between answering my questions, he still keeps saying he doesn't want to go back tomorrow. He seems excited though rather than upset so I hope that it will be OK. They even had a fire practice and DS had a bit of thing about fires but appears to have stayed calm.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow.

Hi Niecie,

Re my comment:-
"There's nothing to stop a request going into the LEA asking for your DS to be assessed".

When I say assessed in this particular context it means getting the LEA to agree to statementing. That's one of many difficult bits in the whole minefield that is statementing and its process.

The LEA usually ask for a whole batch of reports to be complied from different sources (e.g ed pysch, developmental paed, OT, SALT amongst others basically all the professional people the child sees) and this information goes to them to be looked at.

IPSEA are very good at all this and their web address is www.ipsea.org.uk.

HTH, wishing your DS a happy day at school today.

I believe my DS wouldn't have played with anyone because the majority of the time that seems to be the case at school.
He will sometimes play with one or two friends, but most of the time I used to watch him in the infant playground, he would be alone, and either crouched down running his fingers through the soil, or wandering alone flapping occassionally.

I do work in the same school, although I am in KS1 & rarely go into the junior end, so was reassured when I saw his teacher & was told he was ok.

I hope all continues to go well for your DS, Niecie.