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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Recommend me a parenting ASD book?

9 replies

Blackbear19 · 10/01/2020 00:32

DS is 8 and on the diagnosis pathway. I want to know what I should / could be doing better / different to help him.

Please tell me what books have helped?

OP posts:
openupmyeagereyes · 10/01/2020 06:35

What sort of things are you looking to help or address?

It’s not a parenting book as such but Uniquely Human is an excellent book.

Blackbear19 · 10/01/2020 07:30

He just doesn't listen. Ask him to do anything he ignores until we start shouting, how much of that is him being an 8yo, and how much is ASD, I don't know but a different approach is needed.
His room is a tip, regardless how much I try to sort it.
Need to improve his concentration levels.

I feel like I've been told hes probably autistic but then left to deal with it. Without any 'here's what you should do differently'

OP posts:
Blackbear19 · 10/01/2020 07:37

And get him to sleep better at night.

I'm sure there are other things too. But cant think right now

OP posts:
openupmyeagereyes · 10/01/2020 07:37

I am finding the strategies in Calmer, easier, happier boys effective.

It’s not an autism book but claims to work with children with special needs (my ds is autistic).

livpotter · 10/01/2020 08:17

Are you giving him time to process information? With my ds you need to ask him to do something, then give him some time before asking again. Also are you sure that he knows you are talking to him? Sometimes I need to touch my ds on the shoulder to get his attention as there may be a lot distracting him. Also make sure you are using the same words when you ask the question again so that he doesn't have to start the processing all over again.

Using visual supports can also help. If we show ds a photo of the thing or activity we want him to do that can support his ability to process the information.

Books that I found particularly helpful when I first found out ds was autistic were 'the reason I jump' and 'fall down seven times get up eight' by Naoki Higashida, 'the out of synch child' for sensory processing stuff, 'the explosive child' Ross green and more recently 'the book you wish your parents had read' phillipa Perry. None of them are necessarily parenting books as such but have given me a better understanding of ds.

Have you checked your local offer to see if you have any courses or parenting groups in your area. I learnt a lot from going on courses provided by a local charity which supports people and families of those with special needs.

LightTripper · 10/01/2020 11:33

I agree with liv's and open's suggestions above.

"How to Raise a Happy Autistic Child" by Jessie Hewitson is also v.g. but maybe better for a younger child.

General books about autism are also very helpful for just understanding what is hard and why. Because I have a daughter I've gravitated towards ones that focus on girls, but this recent one by Luke Beardon is not gender-specific and is very good I think:
www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07PY7YZ4L/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Also, Autistic Not Weird is a very good website run by an autistic man who has also been a teacher so I think his perspectives are always very useful and practical.
autisticnotweird.com/

BlankTimes · 10/01/2020 22:08

He just doesn't listen
As NT parents we can be awful for using inference without realising because we're so used to it and we understand what it means and expect everyone else to. Thing is, our dc with ASD don't. Try and be a lot more literal in your communication. I've had a lot of years of practise and still don't get it right all the time.

I'll still say something to adult DD who has ASD like 'The worksurface could do with a wipe' then when I look again I see she's not done it, but really, thinking about my wording, it wasn't a request, was it, it was a statement. 'Dd, please could you wipe the worksurface now' is what I should have said if I wanted her to do it.

Break your instructions down into very small steps.

'Put the toys away' maybe doesn't give him enough information.
You haven't said you want him specifically to do it, or where to put them apart from "away" or when you want the putting away done. He's not not-listening to you, he's not understood you want him to do something.

'Can you put the toys away?' literally means are you able to put the toys away as a concept, it's not literally an action you want him to do.

Something more direct like getting his attention by using his name, wait until you know he's listening, then short instructions, 'Freddie, [pause] put the toy cars in the red box now. Then praise when he's done that, then 'Freddie [pause] put the lego in the yellow box now.' praise when he does it.

For an NT child, the narrative would be something like 'Oh come on look at the mess, it'll be bedtime soon and we need to clear up, let's get started'

Freddie could seriously struggle trying to sort out the meaning of that long winded sentence and understand the intended action, there are just too many unnecessary words for him to filter out, if he can and there's no specific instruction for him to do anything.

It's not something you can do overnight, but thinking about exactly how you communicate with your child can help a lot.

MollyButton · 10/01/2020 22:17

Visual timetables? Even just thinking about the steps can help.

How easy is it to tidy the room? Is there too much stuff? What kind of organisations makes sense for him?
I'd tidy with him, and lots of treats for both of you as you get it done.
Or is it messy because he's frustrated and throws stuff - if that then trying to reduce the stress would help (but so would reducing the stuff).

Try the offering alternatives rather than making demands - "do you want peas or carrots with your veggie burger?" or "Do you want to put your socks on before brushing your teeth or after?"

And with non negotiables, give warning and then ignoring all complaints just carry on as if it is going to happen.

It is hard because one book doesn't work/work for everyone because each child is different.
For you little step: trying to cut out metaphors, talk concretely, clear instructions (think literally), and keeping down the demands. and lots of praise/positive attention. (How to talk so kids will listen.... can e helpful.)

Ellie56 · 11/01/2020 15:43

Lots of info and advice on the NAS site.

www.autism.org.uk/about/family-life.aspx

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