ASD and violence

[lifecouldbeadream]

Hi,

We have DS11 with ASD(HF). I’m worried because it appears on the face of it that he enjoys attempting to injure others. I don’t know whether it’s just that he doesn’t see the consequences of what he’s doing, or whether this is something I really do need to be concerned about.

Anyone any experience/suggestions? It’d be gratefully received.

I noticed years ago that my DS finds it interesting in a kind of research way when other people get hurt. He does have empathy, but not necessarily how we expect it. He would find the other person's crying/scream stimulating, and would be watching with great interest. He also didn't necessarily connect their pain with himself, and showed no signs of guilt.
Your DS is much older, so I can't suggest how to deal with it, but we took DS out of the room as soon as anything happened, so he wasn't 'rewarded' with the other person's reaction.
DS is now 8, and responds well to explanations of what's appropriate, so we've had far fewer incidents.

Thank you. I think I’ve probably worded it badly. It is a kind of intrigue I think, rather than wanting to hurt and cause them pain.

It’s almost as if he just doesn’t see that what he’s doing might hurt them, and doesn’t associate how he feels when hurt, with how they might be feeling.

I’m a little confused is your little boy 11 years old or is he your 11th child!?

I think you need to set a very firm almost toddler-like boundary for him and consider his understanding about you tell him about his behaviour. Basically try and teach him it’s wrong. I would also try and encourage the curiosity in a way thats positive, like with more pro social behaviour like being kind. I would have a conversation about his behaviour with a professional, ie teacher or gp.

Hope this helps

My DD aged almost 10 is very violent when she is anxious. She has one to two intense meltdowns a day and she is very violent. I loose a lot of hair get bitten and injured and it is horrid as I have to restrain and also protect her brother who she goes for. A social worker has seen her knock me out and go for knives... yet still we get no help right now as the social worker team observing weren’t allowed back due to safety issues. She is worse around two large transitions- going to school. Will do anything not to go to school, anything. And bed time. After school is also bad but sometimes if I get her to eat straight away and rest in car a bit she is ok for a while. Needs a lot of downtime and no extra curricular. I don’t punish her for the violence as she mostly forgets it and it just winds her up again to talk about it ( as in she’ll meltdown). I know she’s doing it from anxiety and confusion etc but it’s hard. I’m shocked at the lack of social support for us. If it wasn’t for her school I wouldn’t cope.

Kissy, we’re good at boundaries, he just can’t apply it. It’s not lashing out, more ‘what happens if’ and not realising when rough play is too rough.

Rin. That sounds awful. You hope that if things escalate you’ll get help- but it sounds like that isn’t the case, I’m so sorry you find yourself in that position. Have you asked what their position is about safeguarding you and your son? I’m not sure that they can just abscond all responsibility. What does your paeds/CAMHS or GP have to say about it?