Very loud ASD son who no one likes

[cola2019]

I have a very loud confident ASD 11 yr old son. He literally talks sings shouts and dances ALL day. He is exhausting. He has no inhibitions, doesn't get nervous but is petrified of dogs and bottles (random). He annoys alot of people because of his loudness. My parents and his own father cannot cope with him. He is very in tune with people's feelings and emotions and knows exactly who doesn't like him and unfortunately there are quite a few - he knows this so he is louder and more intense to wind these people up purposefully. Becsuse these people do not like him they do not give him any attention or constantly put him down so he retaliated by being extra naughty as he says because he thinks It is sooo funny when they lose it. There are some people that like him - my great auntie loves him and always talks to him and shows an interest in what he does and guess what he has no inclination to be extra loud or intense around her - she has had him to stay for 2 weekends because I cant leave him with his dad or grandparents. He absolutely adores school and always has because of his confidence and general enthusiasm for anything school related he is the schools absolute gem. He is a fantastic public speaker and tour guide he has started up a student voice group as well as being editor for the student newspaper. He gains points and awards weekly for his massive school contribution and is working beyond in several subjects. He sings and dances in a drama group out of school and the adults within school and his drama group allow him to be himself and because he is do well liked and respected he doesn't try to be annoying or extra loud . I have tried telling him to rein it in but he just sees it as one big joke. He really is such a lovely boy but not many people think that he is. How can I get people to like him more. He cant change who he is - i admit he could tone it down a little - i just wish people would maybe be a bit nicer to him or show him some interest. He is exceptionally quirky so his interests and likes are very obscure so nobody really has anything in common with him but wouldn't life be boring if everyone was the same!!

@cola2019 I'm sorry to hear this. But its sounds like your ds is happy, energetic and doing quite well! In fact from reading your description of him he sounds like a charming young man. It's horrible to think people would openly show him that they dislike his behaviour at times (I'm sure it's not him that they dislike) and that's not fair as because of his diagnoses I'm sure he can't help certain things. It's positive that he is enjoying school. And I think he is using being 'naughty' as a defence mechanism as you said he is in tune with people's feelings and can sense that they are being off with him.

There's not much you can do about other people ls feelings towards him, but I do feel it's important to have a chat with your dh and his grandparents. As I feel they should give him more 1:1 time to get to know him, sounds like he has loads of interests that they can bond with him over. And if they find him to be a bit full on they need to learn to conceal their feelings as it could take a toll on his self esteem.

I feel like he needs to feel safe, loved and content at home. Whatever anyone else thinks is irrelevant. And he's doing great in school so sounds like he just needs loved ones to pay him some extra attention.

I would just try to minimise his contact with people who dislike him in the hope he will start to react less to their hostility. Maybe social stories around noise and winding people up? It's not a good situation for him to be in or to create as you know.

It sounds like you have a very confident young man who loves to be the centre of attention. Maybe he will grow up to be a comedian or entertainer! Some people have extreme personality types, regardless of ASD or NT, and these people may not be the sort that everyone finds easy to get along with. That's Ok. It sounds like you are already making the most of your son's strengths so perhaps just relax and let him find his way. It's a shame your father can't be more tolerant of him but perhaps it will change as your son matures and learns to Adapt his behaviour to fit with the situation a bit more. He sounds great!