Recent ASD and ADHD diagnosis

[MummyNotMommy]

I’m not really sure what I’m hoping to achieve with this post, maybe just a bit of “get it off my chest” but DS (4) has recently been diagnosed with ASD, presenting profile of PDA, and severe ADHD. It wasn’t an unexpected diagnosis, although the severity of the ADHD a little more so.

The diagnosis has affected me more than I was anticipating. I’m fine day to day but keep thinking about the future and what his life will look like and getting a bit upset. And horribly jealous of my friends and their perfect children who they can take anywhere and not have to live on a knife edge trying to avoid a meltdown, that they don’t have to constantly watch in case they hurt another child etc.

How do you go about coming to terms with it all? Is it just a matter of time?! Do people still feel jealousy and resentment over the diagnosis? I know he’s the same child he’s always been, but that’s not much solace when he’s spitting in my face and screaming at me.

Even when we are expecting something, a dx can knock us for six. Do keep realising that all the reports ONLY focus on the negative, the areas where our kids need help, so the reports as such do not present the whole picture of our wonderful kids.

Like any other shock, it does take time to adjust. You'll also learn that parents of NT kids are clueless, so best avoided when you want to discuss something they've never encountered, that's where boards like this are worth their weight in gold, people here understand.

What you won't know yet but what does happen is your ds' presentation of his autism and ADHD will change a lot during his life, things that are a nightmare now won't affect him the same way as he gets older, he'll develop new strengths and he'll shine in some areas and surprise you with how amazing he is.

Cut yourself some slack, read upon autism, ADHD, executive functioning and other forms of neurodiversity, find his triggers, try to pre-empt as many as you can, join or read autism groups and remember different does not mean wrong

You'll learn to parent the child you have, your parenting style will not be the same, it will be different, but it will not be wrong, it will be the right parenting techniques for your lovely individual ds.