DD started SN Nursery today - feeling a bit uneasy.....

[heartinthecountry]

Oh god.. I am having a horrible feeling that I have done the wrong thing. DD started at an 'Early Intervention Centre' this morning. I had been really looking forward to it, both because I felt she would get lots of good one-to-one intervention there (they have an OT/PT/SALT adn music therapist there) and tbh to give myself a bit of time and space.

But, after spending time with her there this morning... I don't know... I just didn't feel the staff were very caring. Would really appreciate some thoughts on whether this seems acceptable/normal:

There were about 5 members of staff there and the same number of children. However, the overall impression I got was that the kids were being left to their own devices a lot. Bearing in mind many of them aren't mobile this meant they were all just kind of 'stuck' in different parts of the room and not really able to interact. They did all have things to do I suppose. But what worried me more was that there is one boy there who I know who is really quite severely disabled and does generally cry a lot, I think he has quite frequent seizures. Anyway, he had been left on a trampoline and obviously got upset, was really crying but although there were at least 2 other staff who could have gone and picked him up, they didn't. They left him for a good few minutes and then various comments were made about him being 'miserable' and 'spoilt - always wanting attention'. And the whole experience just left me feeling really uneasy.

It's not that I have a problem with leaving dd - she goes to a childminder once a week and I have absolutely no worries about her being there. I know she is looked after well.

But I am really worried that she is going to be ignored at this place. That isn't what I hoped for at all. Am I being unrealistic?

Got to go back now and pick her up - can't wait to give her a huge cuddle....

I don't like the sound of the staff calling a child miserable and spoilt - whether in a SN nursery or an NT one - and certainly not where they can be heard.

I don't know what to suggest other than perhaps to wait and see whether dd enjoys it or not. It must be a tough decision to make.

No you're not being unrealistic. I never know what to say in these circumstances, as I don't know what the answer is. The awful SALT who originally assessed ds1 wanted him to go to a SN nursery - attached to the CDC. I refused as I had heard similar things to what you are describing from other parents. The final straw for me re that place was when a friend asked why they hadn't had a jubilee party when every other nursery in the land has and the manager said "no point is there- they don't understand".

In your case I am extra concerned that they made these comments in front of you- that suggests that the culture is quite deep rooted and they don't see anything wrong with talking about a child like this. You could talk to the manager about it - but I would always worry that they were saying that about my child. I don't mind jokey sarcastic comments being made about my children- but these seem uncaring- the fact that they ignored his crying whilst making the comments would worry me.

I think you are right to be concerned- but no idea what to suggest. What is access to services like if you put your dd in a mainstream nursery?

I really hope it has gone okay for you today.

Not sure what to suggest, but it does sound a bit (a lot infact) off from your description And you do need to feel happy with the care you are getting. Maybe give it a couple of days and see if it was a one off? Or maybe even approach the staff about their policies of cuddling, assiting, etc.

Oh HITC, I do hope things work out for you. I'm sorry I don't feel I'm in the position to offer advice but just wanted to say that your worries are obviously justified.
I am trying to choose the right place for dd at the moment and there are so many issues to consider.

oh I'm so sorry you had this experience. I agree with Jimjams - that fact that they said things like that in front of you shows how deep-rooted this attitude may be.

I think you are right to be concerned, tbh.

PS - the PECS stuff is on its way

I would make an excuse to spend more time there and have a good look at what goes on. I would also ask to discuss the comments you heard with a senior member of staff. This is not acceptable.

Jimjams Is that my CDC? We were also offered a place there but did not feel it was quite right for ds3. Luckily, we were offered a more suitable placement after we turned it down. Many of my friends have loved it though.

HITC, Is it the one in P? If it is i know someone who's son goes there and she raves about it.

I dont know what else to say, sort of agree with jimjams. My dd went to an SN nursery but it was brilliant. i must say the first day was awful for me and they do have to deal with alot of the more 'difficult' children ALOT, which sometimes makes you feel like you are doing the wrong thing.

Do they have an open door policy where you can visit whenever? If so, i would most probably try and pop in a few times and see whether things are any better at different parts of the day.

The only thing i would shy away from mainstream(private) with your dd is that she is not mobile and sometimes that means they dont put them with their peers, they put them in the baby room

Oh you poorthing
Well all I know is i took Lottie along to an opportunity playgroup where a large percentage of their intake are children with SN and thought exactly the same as you. Teachers were standing over kids staring off into space, a few boys were just either lying under tables or kicking cardboard boxes around. The teachers also looked as if they needed a bloody good scrub! I know that's silly but they just look like they were all tired of life, everything was too much effort.

my heart, my head, everything all screamed no and I couldn't wait to get her out of there.

I rang lotties school today to say she had an awful cough and bad cold and was tired and miserable and it wouldn't be fair to bring her in. The teacher siad 'oh noooo, we'll miss her So much,' and then shouted out to one of the other teachers 'Lottie won't be in' and theother teacher shouted 'ohhhh moooooooo'. When i asked how she was getting on she said, oh brilliantly, she doesn't like it but we make her stand for about 5 minutes or more at least twicea day. When i asked if my therapists could go in there to see her and show her stuff she said oh yes please that would be wonderful tahnk you!

That's how it should be babes. Follow your heart and see if you can make other arrangemnets.

TC x

That doesn't sound right HITC and I think your gut instincts are often right in these situations. My dd2 goes to an SN nursery and I stayed with dd for the first few sessions as she was so clingy, so I really got to see it from the inside. Don't suppose you could ask to stay for a session? Hope your dd got on OK today, let us know when you have a chance.

No not your CDC maddiemo- we didn't get anywhere near that one (just sat on a waiting list) And the SALT at your cdc just had her eyes shut rather than being awful

Thanks everyone. Have just been discussing it at length with a friend. I think you are right Jimjams, it did seem that that culture ran very deep. Infact, the manager was one of the staff making the comments .

It's not the one in P Fio2, it's in another part of SE London (prob shouldn't say on here). But it does generally have a good reputation which is why I decided to send dd there.

I think I am going to give it a couple of weeks, but, as you suggest Caroline5, I will go in quite often. They do have an open door policy. If I'm still not happy after next week then I will start investigating alternatives.

The thing is, I don't need her to go to nursery, as in she is at the childminder/with granny when i go to work. The reason I wanted her to go to this EIC is because she would get all the therapeutic input there. But if the reality is that she is left on her own 80% of the time and only gets therapies 20% then she would probably be better off at home with me tbh.

I too would be concerned about staff making comments like that in front of parents etc. Dd attends a sn playgroup where the parents stay and the teacher and aide are brilliant - although the mums stay - they get really involved with the kids and help out... great for me - as I am finding it more difficult to waddle after dd whilst she plays. We do an hour of play where they can play on/with a variety of equipment, then snack time and then music and dance time.

I wanted to put dd into a mainstream nursery - she had been in one in the UK and they were brilliant. The staff at the one I checked out here - sound like the one's you encountered and the one's TC encountered and I decided there was no way dd was going there.

If you wanted the therapeutic input and it is not there - I think you need to look elsewhere.... whilst it is important for children to be out and about and socialising - if the needs you want aren't being met then you need to look elsewhere.

Dd's mainstream nursery were brilliant about integrating dd's therapy etc into her day. SHe was put in a room with her peers although she was not walking and barely crawling when she first started. They were brilliant and dd benefitted from being with her peers and playing.

HITC, so sorry to hear about this, a real disappointment but at least you are very aware of what's going on and know what to look for. Some parents are VERY passive and would not question, never mind challenge, such behaviour. Sounds to me like she may be better off with your current arrangement, look for an alternative and maybe try to access therapies another way. Good luck.

heartinthecountry, I was really upset to read about the comments made by staff at your nursery. 'miserable' 'spoilt' and 'wanting attention' aren't words I'd like to hear used about any child, and particularly not one who is there to get a bit of extra help. And if the child wants attention, why not try GIVING IT SOME for pity's sake? I really feel quite gutted that these people are in the wrong job. Hopefully things will improve?

We are also in SE London. We've recently started DS (nearly 3) at a private mainstream nursery - I was nervous about it, but have to give them every credit, they've been great. This week Early Education have visited, and they are now sending someone one day a week to work with DS. The SALT has also sent them some information and is going to visit to tell them what they can do to assist him. They are really keen to help - and I think they are obliged by Ofsted to accomodate children's special educational needs?

Best of luck - let us know what you decide to do. Email me via CAT if you like, if we're in the same borough maybe we can swap notes?

Just saw this. How awful! Comments like that are completely unacceptable. Have you decided what to do?

Reminds me of a nanny my sister had years ago. Her oldest child hands, and at that stage she only had another boy about 18 younger. The nanny was ok to ds2 but I never got a good feeling about her wrt ds1. My fears were confirmed when she called him a little bastard to my face!

She was sacked shortly afterwards.

I haven't decided what to do Lou33. I went in on the second day and have to say it did feel much better. Even saw one of the staff kissing one of the children (in an affectionate not pervy way hasten to add!). Also the children were doing singing together so there was more interaction.

I don't know. I would like this place to work out but I am very aware that it is only worth it if dd is getting the right amount of support and intervention.

I also can't quite get those comments I heard on my first day out of my mind.

I think I am going to give it a few weeks, and go in A LOT so I really get to see what is going on. I also want to have a proper chat with each of the therapists to find out exactly how much input dd is going to get. Then I'll make a decision.

Beccaboo - thanks, I'll CAT you.