Help Im really struggling

[MissPitstop]

My DS1 has ASD, we have just moved to a new area and I have just had DS3 (now 4 weeks old). All of this has caused DS to go into meltdown. The 6 weeks school holidays have been a nightmare.

He has tried to play with some of the neighbours but this has ended up in either him in tears because they won't play his game or them in tears because he has shouted at them or hit them ( I have lost count of how many times I have had to apologise).

I have tried to take DS1,2&3 out for the day but whilst distressed DS1 just cant cope with the change of environment and it ends in major tantrums, he just wants to stay at home.

It breaks my heart to see him so distressed. I really don't know what I should be doing to help him cope with this change. I don't know how to explain to him why the other kids don't want to play his game, be shouted at etc.

We are still waiting for some support re DS1s ASD so it has been a suck it and see style of parenting so far and I really don't think I am getting it right.

I'm sorry I can't help, but bumping it up for you so you don't feel ignored. If you bump it up again this evening there might be some more SN board regulars around - and I'm sure they will be very helpful

Thanks for replying anyway.

Any ideas anyone?

How old is your ds? Sounds very like my ds, turned 8 last month. In some respects he is I hesitate to say a little easier with people but best to keep the environment totally predictable. Hard I know. I had to ask for support when I had my 3rd child, ds1 had just turned 6 and I couldn't go anywhere with him. He was just starting to get interested in friends then which was a nightmare. We finally got a social work assessment and then a carer. She is basically his friend and it meant we could go out and she could watch him. We always go to the same places, soft play, swimming or park and therefore he and I know what to expect. It is much easier than going to someone's house as there you never know what will be lying around (toy swords not good with my ds!) or who might get hurt.

Have you tried any visual timetables or social stories. Even very verbal AS kids respond well to these.

As for trying to explain why he shouldn't shout at other kids - I am still working on this one!

I will try to write more later as it is very hard just now as ds is constantly asking me when I will be finished!

DS was 8 in May.

We have a family calender which I use to make sure DS knows if we have anything planned for the week. If we are doing something that day I make sure he knows what we are doing, in what order and at what time by either writing it out for him or going through it with him verbaly.

I keep mealtimes, bathtime etc to a set time although we have not managed to get DS3 to cooperate with not crying throughout teatime yet!!

Because we have just moved to the area I don't know where we can take DS which is "safe". We had places like softplay, swimming etc we had made familiar where we used to live so will hopefully be able to build these back up again here.

How long did it take you to get a SS referal or any support? We have just moved so have to start again on another waiting list, we were in Northern Ireland for 18 months and only got our appoinment the week after we moved back to the mainland!!

The summer holidays are a nightmare, aren't they?

I've found it helps to limit trips out to about 2 a week during the week. It depends on how stir-crazy you get with all 3 of them at home really. I have 2 boys with ASD (7yrs and 4yrs) and dd (17mths). Through trial and error I've discovered that it's less stressful for my 2 if we have a day at home between trips out. It gives me a day to prepare them gently for what's going to happen the next day and then a day afterwards for them to settle again. It also helps to have an escape plan for when things go wrong. Sometimes mine are happy to stay out all day. Other times it gets too much for them and they just want to go home. Generally if they really want to go home then that's what we do.

It might be worth contacting your local NAS branch for local advice. They may be able to tell you about places that they think are fairly ASD-friendly.

The referral took a few months, first they said they didn't have enough time or staff or something but once the SW came round it was dealt with fairly quickly. There was a delay in trying to get a carer though but that is because we live in a rural area.

I'd say it all took 6 months from first contact to our carer starting. We only got 8 hours a month (4 hrs weekly in school hols) and its not enough but at least we can plan trips out. Agree with coppertop - ask around, most NT places are OK and are happy to accommodate and may even have staff who can help to keep an eye out. I find it helps to go to places when they are less busy, ie at the end of the day.

We were also given funding for an after school/school holiday club twice weekly. This gives ds a chance to socialise in a structured setting. The staff there aren't trained as such but he is in on quiet days and he really likes it, sometimes he plays iwth others then other days he is difficult or just wants to play on his own.

Calendar is great although I tend to just operate on a daily basis with my ds. Sometimes it is easier particularly if a plan has to be changed. For instance he was due to go on a trip with his club yesterday and they had to cancel it on Friday. Fortunately I hadn't told him about it so it avoided a lot of upset.