Help for son

[mimp]

Hi, My son is 10 years old and is really struggling. In brief he has meltdowns at school they have gotten worse recently and he has taken to hiding behind the coats in the corrider hiding in the loos curling up on the time out bean bag and has been sneaking his plushies into school as they make him feel safe.
The issues started in year 3 when the day became more structed and he has struggled with being told what to do and when to do it. He has been having nightmares forever they are all on the same theme he is alone there is nothing no colour no people. He manages to tell me that no one understands him. He was delayed speech and referred to speak and language but was discharged by 4 as he had started speaking. He can't explain anything even some thing that happened 10 minutes ago and gets really frustrated and angry if asked what did you learn in Maths today-for example. he just doesn't understand the world around him and he takes everything literally. A joke goes over his head and for example one day a boy at school told him about a meterite was going to hit the earth in 10 days. He was terrified-this is just an example. He is very funny about materials and will only sleep with a fleece blanket and every night has to have a fan on his room.
It's so hard to explain him but the teachers say he is suffering from anxiety and I have taken him to someone to help with this but it's not helping him he doesn't really understand why we there and what is being asked of him so when asked how he is he'll so OK but doesn't understand what he is saying OK to-if that makes sense.
He know doesn't trust teachers he says they are lying and I get screamed at about them he often comes out of school distressed and screams at me getting it all out. I get spoken to most days about him because they think something has happened to make him like this. He's fine when he is at home school just seems to send him over the edge. I am so worried about him and I feel like the school and the pressure they put on him is breaking him. He is literally breaking down before during and after school.
There is so much I don't know how to put it in a post. My sister thinks I should get him assessed for autism. For the record my sister and new phew have been diagonised. Any thoughts the school have never mentioned it they just keep saying he needs to work on his anxiety. They send him on these programmes as he hasn't got a clue what anyone is talking about and just gets more confused and scared in the process.
I hope my post gives you an idea of what we are facing any advice gratefully received.
We would use a private clinic that has been recommended. My GP just thinks he has anxiety which I agree with but it's just doesn't seem to deal with the root cause plus he's confused but worked out that the doctor we see is happy if he says Im OK
Thank you for reading sorry so long

Firstly, we need to say that NO-ONE on here can diagnose your son.

that said, long before you got to the bit where you said about your sister and nephew, I was thinking that your little lad sounds like he has Autism.

People with autism will very often feel anxiety. People with autism will have difficulties in a variety of ways with their language. This can range from being very eloquent to being non-verbal, but what you say about having a literal understanding is very common amongst people with autism. As is a difficulty with understanding what people mean when they are speaking to you, even though there is nothing physiologically wrong with his hearing - it is a difficulty with processing language
He is very funny about materials and will only sleep with a fleece blanket and every night has to have a fan on his room. This again is to do with sensory processing, and really, really common in people with autism.

As I say - obviously I, nor anyone else who responds can diagnose him, but there is SO much about your description that says 'autism', you need to go back to the GP and insist upon a referral. (In my area school can als refer in, but that isn't universal across the country).

I would suggest a multiple action approach:

Visit GP and ask for a referrral for an assessment of an ASC. Might not be this but there is certainly enough in your OP to warrant investigation.

Ask for a referral back to a SALT - he may be verbal but there is obviously some language issues still going on - my ds's had something called a complex speech and language assessment which investigates processing and understanding issues. This should highlight where his difficulties lie and what strategies you and school could use to help in.

Ask school to call in an educational psychologist. Again to see what exactly is causing the problems at school and for advice on strategies to the school. I am sure they are not happy about the meltdowns either & seem to have exhausted the strategies they have knowledge of. If they will not do this then I would apply for an EHCP mainly because this will involve assessment. This third one would actually be my priority as is the one that actually brings the most support in our experience.

Courses are all well and good but if the fundamental problem causing the anxiety is not sorted (who would not be anxious if they don't understand verbal and non-verbal instructions) then his anxiety is going to continue. So I think school needs to focus on how they can put in adjustments to help his language issues. If he needs a safe space (clearly if he is resorting to hiding in the smelly boy's toilets as did ds2 by the way) then another thing school could try and do is find him somewhere more suitable to go.

The description is very similar to my child who has asd and anxiety. So i echo the above. There is enough to suggest its worth investigating there. I appreciate some children do get anxiety for a variety of causes, but its really common for autistic children to get anxiety so i think its worth looking at any child with extreme anxiety for autism if that makes sense. I also think that th SaLT is the place to begin - if you can go private get a report asap and get it to the school. Hopefully they will then see a need for an EP and OT and get the bsll rolling.
I dont know what to say about school, i think there is a real risk of him completely disengaging or starting to have challenging behavior. My son hid under coats for about a year and then things escalated very quickly. The need to rapidly lookin into making.adaptions to his learning, safe spaces and so on. A course for him to manage anxiety isnt goung to help without knowing the cause and making adaption.

DD with a receptive and expressive language disorder was very like that! She could not label her emotions, and just used to scream when she came out of school, because she could not say, for example:

“The computer broke and I got really frustrated!”

She took everything literally including jokes! She had sensory processing difficulties and could not tolerate wool or labels next to the skin. She was very anxious because she barely understood what was going on.

It’s impossible to say what is the root of his language problems; whether it’s autism or a language disorder or social communication disorder...

As pp have said, I’d seek an assessment by a SALT, educational psychologist and community paediatrician.

Thank you so much for your comments.
We have started the ball rolling and we are using a recommended clinic to do a full assessment, diagonis and management plan. We are going to go private otherwise I fear a very long wait. I went to see the GP firstly in March and we seem to be no further forward!?
I hope that with this we can then start to access suitable help and support for him.
On another note what is SALT that several of you have referred to?

Speech and language therapist.

I think having him formally assessed for ASD might be a good move. Obviously don't want to internet-diagnose based on the snapshot you have given here but some of the behaviours you describe definitely correlate with ASD.

Anxiety is a big thing for kids on the spectrum. As are language processing issues. My DS has this, it can sometimes take him a looooong time to understand what is being said to him and respond to it. An environment where he got a flood of questions would definitely be stressful and overwhelming to him.

Yes your post screams autism at me too, especially when you say he has got worse since Y3.

Infant education is very visual and hands on, but when they go into KS2, everything becomes much more complex and abstract and expectations of children are much higher.

Our son was really struggling by Year 3/4. Lessons were much more about talking and listening, and because his processing skills were so much slower than the average child, the normal delivery of a lesson was too fast for him to cope with, and it stressed him out. He did have some support at school, so was able to hold together until he got home and then all hell broke loose.

I cannot believe your son was discharged by SLT at 4 as he clearly has receptive language issues (understanding and processing information) which have not been addressed, as he is still struggling to understand everything which will be contributing to the anxiety and subsequent melt downs at school.

As PP above said sensory issues are a common trait in those with autism and with the genetic link present, I would certainly ask for an ASD assessment.

I would also ask for the school to bring in an Educational Psychologist to observe and assess him and ask for Speech and Language Therapy and Occupational Therapy assessments. As NHS waiting lists are so long, it may be quicker getting private assessments done if you are in a financial position to do so.

As your son is 10 and will be transferring to secondary school within the next year or so, it may be worth considering an EHC Needs assessment. You could ask the school to start the process or apply yourself.
Information here:
www.ipsea.org.uk/ehc-needs-assessments

Bear in mind though that some local authorities refuse the first request as a matter of course, and then concede when parents appeal.