What is 'normal' behaviour for teenagers

[WhoKnew19]

Looking for some insight into the brains of NT teenagers and the way they treat and interact with those with autism please.

For background, DS is 11, recently started secondary school and is hugely struggling socially with his year group. He seems to be the whipping boy of his class, the but of all jokes and the one who gets blamed for everything. He is generally the one looking a bit clueless when the shit hits the fan etc.

We are trying to work with school to get some understanding from and with the staff. It is early days and they are saying all the right things, but nothing is really improving yet. His primary school had got him and he had a really good last few years there so it is hard to go backwards again.

I had been comforting myself that as his peers mature, things will improve naturally anyway (not that we won't be pushing things anyway with school), but today he has had a terrible time with some of the older boys (year 11), physical violence towards him and humiliation. Again, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and can't explain and doesn't have the 'right' facial expressions.

My question is for those with older autistic kids, how long until their peers were mature enough to at least tolerate them, if not actively be friendly/kind??

Sorry for the essay, feeling very hopeless, dejected and desperately sad for DS his evening.

Ds is 15 and was only diagnosed with autism four weeks ago. I would say school and his peers have been pretty awful all the way through. Ds has been undiagnosed but he has been called names, had his possessions damaged and stolen and had his clothing scribbled on. After months of persuading we finally got him to use a laptop in class and he was called a cripple.

He does attend an all boys school though so I think that has definitely made it worse. He hasn't really mentioned too much going on since he returned in year 11 but he doesn't like me contacting the school so I wonder if he just chooses not to tell us. I don't believe every school is as bad as this. My oldest Ds went to a mixed school and they seemed to have a much more inclusive ethos.

Make sure the school know everything that is going on, we didn't actually report as much as we should have, which probably hasn't helped. I think if you can get it sorted in year 7, things could go ok but I would consider moving him if you feel the school aren't doing enough.

I find once the dust settles I.e after Halloween , children start to find their tribe so to speak and place a lot easier. Believe me when I tell you that 70% of young people esp boys struggle to settle in first year and really only find themselves settling properly towards their GCSEs. I find those with SEM needs become more comfortable in their way of going much sooner and settle into school quicker in subsequent years.
The frustration you feel OMG ping backwards is totally warranted though . If your SENCO is worth their salt & they normally are they will have good provisions for those who are struggling socially.
It will get better .

Sorry I haven’t answered your question, peers/classmates normally settle with each other after Halloween or at the most towards Christmas. The animalistic tendencies to flock around the alpha and pick off the weak makes way for more human and kind interactions.

Thanks **Punxsutawney, sadly all sounds very familiar and sorry your DS has had a hard time too. I think our DS's must have been diagnosed at roughly the same time!

Yes,we do need to keep on top of it with school you are right. When DS was at primary school, before things started to get better, I felt I was in All.The.Time. I just need to resign myself to the slog again!

School are also considering if my DS needs a laptop in class too - is your son finding it helpful?

**sauvignonblancplz thank you for the hope! Need to hang in there until next half term!

**The animalistic tendencies to flock around the alpha and pick off the weak makes way for more human and kind interactions.

This is such an accurate description of the behaviour at the moment, and so depressing! Hope the second part kicks in soon!

Who Ds would find the laptop helpful of he would actually use it! At the moment he is only using it in one subject as the teacher doesn't give him a choice. He needs to use it as evidence of his normal way of working for his gcses but it's been a battle since Easter. He desperately doesn't want to look different to the others in class.
He is still in denial about his autism diagnosis, so not very accepting of any intervention.

Again I think it would be different in another school. Ds's school is selective so there is less children with additional needs. At his brother's old school laptop use was common and nobody mentioned it as it was quite normal practice.

Ds was assessed by an OT who recommended the laptop as he has lax finger joints that cause pain and make his handwriting poor. I just wish he could see the benefits of using one.

Would your Ds be happy to use one do you think?

@Punxsutawney DS is quite accepting of his diagnosis, probably because he is younger though and that may change as he gets older. At the moment he is just relieved there is an explanation.

I think he would use a laptop given a chance, his handwriting is appalling, as is his spelling (school are also talking about a dyslexia assessment) and he does really struggle with English lessons in particular.

DS's school is also selective, and we are also paying through the nose for it. We had to get him out of his state primary school part way through as things got so bad for him there.

This really isn't easy! Hope your DS starts to find things easier in school soon. I am wishing our lives away at the moment which is wrong - just keep thinking that once school is done he can find a nice job in one of his special interest fields and live in a bit of a bubble for the rest of his life.