"I found out soon after that i was pregnant and I have hyperemesis graviderum (severe sickness) and was hospitalised often and when i wasn't in hospital I couldn't care for him thank god for my family who took charge and let me rest. It was a really hard time for me not being able to help him though I knew he needed me sad."
" After having ds2 I realised ds1 improving, singing every nursery rhyme under the sun"
:). the music and rhythm aspects of communication coming up again. This is very familiar. Both my kids did this instead of using language in a meaningful way. Both are bloody clever now, btw.....concentration and memory are not an issue!
"saying some words like baby (his brother), goodbye, good night"
. The thing about goodbye and goodnight is that you say them within your routine. I think that's a slightly different type of communication. What happens if you say goodnight first thing in the morning? (my ds would have just been oblivious until about 5 years old - I had to teach him absurdity using tone of voice, which he responded to much better than content." So you point to X and say "Y"! Then you make a face and say. "no - that's silly"! in a hugely exagerrated way. It shows that words can do different jobs - they can refer to someone who isn't here.
"He now has about 30 words, the only problem is he won't say the without promoting, I always have to say "what's this ds1" and he will say "apple" for example"
ok. so he has some words and there is lovely steady progress. He doesn't yet use them for afull range of purposes from what you say. God I got sick of saying "what's that?"
"But doesn't answer any questions"
This is sounding to me like he hasn't quite grasped what questions are for and why answering them/asking them might be useful to him. Does that sound right?
"Doesn't say yes and very rarely says no"
As I understand it, it is normal for "no" to come a long time before "yes". I think you will get more meaningful nos before you get more meaningful yeses. I suspect you will get "mine!" before yes.
"He says stop all the time though if he is annoyed by you for example creaming his face before nursery hmm"
that's good. That sounds "solid" IYSWIM. I think you need to get the "Teach my child to listen and obey" DVDs if they are still made. I am going to dig out an old thread for you in a minute....
"His receptive language is far better and will respond to what you say woth actions for example do you want a bath? He will go to the bathroom and undress. Do you want a sweet (His multivitamin) will get excited and laugh and wait to receive it."
apologies, I know this is hard. From what you've said above - what would happen if you were in Tescos and you said "do you want a bath"? Would he recognise the absurdity? My son wouldn't have at this age (not something I enjoyed figuring out). I think you may want to keep digging deep on the receptive language front. I think a lot of what you describe is intellectual and emotional skills (rhythm, pattern, routine, relating to people's emotions, comforting, joy in art) and still in the process of being expressed in language.
"My main concerns are now his lack of pointing, and his hand leading to what he wants, he will take me to the garden if he wants to play outside, or take me to his play area if he wants me to play with him."
Have people mentioned about not attempting to teach pointing? Pointing is a bit of a red herring IMO and I think it's not recommended to teach it.
"He won't point to things of interest outside but will follow a point when i say look at that dog or bird etc. All red flags I know."
Well, I suppose they are red flags on someone's 2019 checklist but your checklist might be a subtly different one as you are his mum. To put it another way, you could probably teach him to point but it wouldn't be a solution. Sponaneous pointing is evidence of something good going on. That's all. Get the good stuff going on and he'll figure out pointing.
"He goes to nursery every afternoon for 3 hours and soon will be attending 1 full day a week"
Is a nursery attached to a primary school an option? They are usually better. my main regret is not moving him sooner.
"Nursery seem to think it's just a speech delay as they have seen many cases sometimes worse than ds1 turn out to be just that."
Well yes, but how skilled are they? They probably don't have an expertise of a school's SENCO who sees trajectories right up to age 11. Plus who cares if other people grow out of stuff - your child may be the one who needs more help
"But he still won't play with children, will play alongside and will watch them play but won't initiate."
I think that isn't that unusual for his age - but I don't mean that in an amateur diagnosis way, I just mean don't get hung up on it.
"NHS has been useless and he had one block of group speech therapy that turned out to be useless."
I think they are better at expressive language problems...
"We then went abroad for the summer for 2 months to visit family. Learnt a few more words not much, still hand leading but receptive language much better at this point following instructions better also."
so steady progress-encouraging!
"Nursery have noticed the changed in him, I started to relax more and just help him progress by doing lots of SLT excersises at home with him"
What have you been doing?
"Booked him a private speech assesment recently and she says although he is slowly progressing with language she sees the lack of joint attention. He was doing the puzzle and saying pig but was not looking up at her. This has made me worried sick all over again."
I hear you. Try not to get hung up on ASD as an alternative to language issues though. The help for one is the same as the help for the other.
"Oh and also has a few 'quirks' very rarely wil flap hands when excited but will stop when told to clap instead."
I'm not sure you should correct this, any more than correcting the non-pointing. You're not trying to get him to imitate someone with good communication skills. You're trying to get right deep down there and make his communication skills better. Ultimately he will then have no further need to hand flap.
"Also he has started to line up his Lego and sing "there were 10 in the bed and the little one said roll over" and push them off the table one by one.. don't know if this is pretend play or repetitive play."
We had exactly this song. It's music play - extended pattern recognition. I think he's clever! My kids have never done pretend play and ultimately it doesn't matter.
"Still won't pretend play unless prompted though he did pretend play at the private salt appointment."
Again, richer deeper communication is the aim, pretend play is more like a symptom of the progress (I think). And it's not ultimately necessary.
"She said she is worried about his eyesight (lazy eye, squints while reading snooping at pictures) also advised me to follow up audiologist"
Have a look at the book "Sensory Integration and the Child". All this physical stuff could be sensory integration (virtually all "tilted" people have some sensory integration issues because by definition we are unabalanced). It's symptom not cause. The more balanced he gets, the less he will need this stuff.
"At this point in so concerned I've booked him in for eye and ENT dr probably for beginning of NOV."
Great. I suggest that you enquire beforehand how they do tests for children with receptive language problems.
" I have also decided to start 25 hours of ABA therapy as I don't want to wait for his to take ages with diagnosis as he has problems communicating and is still very behind on language."
good on you! Diagnosis won't help his communication It's more something that helps a parent/school now (and a child later). Assuming it's correct and that the help actually exists, of course, but that's a different thread!
"Despite what private salt said (though I'm glad she did as it has now lit fire under my bum to move things along) me and nursery were impressed with his slow but steady progress and just put his odd behaviours down to severe speech and language delay."
The distinction between "severe speech and language delay" and "ASD" is of course real for some purposes, but for your purposes it's a distinction without a difference. One of my biggest regrets was my failure to look at visual learning stuff (all the great advice you've had on here) because I needed to tell myself that that was "just for autistic children". Stupid me, but that's what fear does.
"Soooo sorry for the long post, I'm just wondering if anyone has any thoughts or has been through something similar. I've been worried sick I'm sure I'll feel better once therapy gets started but right now it hurts to see him so far behind his peers."
I would go in hard on visual stuff. Others here have more expertise. I just plastered the house with photographs (doesn't work for all kids). Just the other week I was throwing out photos of bloody apples, balls, the school nursery, our car. It's great for sequential langauge "First apple, then tv".
"He's very affectionate and happy (though his frustration when he can't tell me what he wants is heartbreaking)"
I'm hoping that that toddler frustration may give him the motivation to make more use of language to meet his more sophisticated needs that he has now.
" has no preference for routine"
great that he isn't rigid.
"Loves his grandparents,"
:) I think they are really important.
"eats okay (won't eat veg)"
LOL!
"and sleeps well"
all of this is familiar. Means you've got a lot going for you.
"Still not potty trained though that is due to my laziness as I'm putting it off till Xmas holidays as I've got alot on woth newborn and uni"
Honestly I just wouldn't bother that is just not a problem. My neighbour is a consultant paediatrician and waited till 4.5 with one of her children. I think it would be a big distraction and another "red herring" milestone. Like teaching pointing.
go in hard on all this visual learning stuff that's been recommended is my advice.