7 y/o won't do anything alone

[dustyphoenix]

I'm beginning to suspect my 7 y/o old is on the autistic spectrum, and we're in the process of getting referrals to the appropriate people. He also has ADHD traits aswell as sensory seeking SPD.

However, in the meantime I would love some help with coping with my number one trigger which is that he seems to be totally unable to function without constant interaction with someone else. It's driving me mad and I find it really upsetting.

He constantly wants to be 'in' on what the adults or his sibling is doing - regardless of what he's been asked to do (or indeed what the consequences are if he doesn't do it). He constantly wanders into other people's rooms and refuses to leave, or if they're out of the room he'll sit in there waiting for them to return and distract them from what they're supposed to be doing. It's almost like he's got no life outside of being involved.

This wouldn't be so much of a problem if he played appropriately with his siblings. However, his play only consists of sensory seeking behaviour like pillow-fights, running around and climbing on the furniture. He never settles down to play with anything, and the sensory seeking play isn't always appropriate for the time of morning/space in the house etc. No amount of modelling appropriate play, or guiding towards something more constructive makes a difference. and I feel at my wits end! If I try and guide one of his siblings away or redirect them, he'll often start a tug of war with them which turns into an ugly power struggle.

Headphones and music worked for a while as something which blocked out distractions and helped him focus on something, but their effectiveness seems to have ceased.

Any ideas/support/understanding would be very welcome. I find it quite isolating and upsetting to be faced with this every day.

Do you think more equipment to support his sensory play might help? E.g. you can get those stretchy tubes and stuff? It sounds like it's unlikely to be a complete answer, but may be worth a try. There is a good Purple Ella video going through some of the stuff her family uses. I think you can also get e.g. gymnastics bars you can fit in your door frames to swing from and that kind of thing. Maybe combined with music?

Thanks for the link, Light, I'll take a look. I recently bought a stretchy tunnel as the OT said he really took to it, but from the few times he's played with it so far it's got him really keyed up and over excited (since he's playing it with his sister) rather than seemed to help calm and regulate. We also have a wobble board and a trampoline outside, but again he resists my guidance in using them, and certainly wouldn't leave his sister to use the trampoline alone!

Hanging bar is a great idea - he hangs off everything!

I wonder if school could find him a way to give him more access to that (sensory circuits at lunchtime or something ... maybe they already do it with some of the other kids?) Then he might not have so much pent up need for it when he gets home?

I feel your pain. DD is not very sensory but definitely overwhelmed when she gets home from school and her ability to do what's needed rather than whatever her mind has grabbed on to by the time it gets to the evening, particularly by the end of the week, can sometimes be very limited (I'm lucky I usually do mornings and they are much easier!) I just try to remind myself it's a need not a choice and as you say try to find other ways to meet her needs/steer her interests that are a bit more compatible with getting everybody clean and into bed.