Please help a desperate mum... if you were me what would you do? Early signs autism.

[Strugglingmumm]

Hello,

I’ve been reading lots of posts on here and thought I’d make my own as I’m desperate for some advice....

I have a 3 month old son who I am terribly worried about.

He rarely cries - has been the same since birth. In the last few weeks he has started to “fuss” (moan and wriggle) when something is not to his liking, but that’s about it. He’s very “easy”, and people’s comments about this is what got me worried.

His eye contact is not good. When on someone’s lap he will look everywhere but at them. He will engage with other people in the room - smiling and looking right at them - but they have to be at a little distance. When lying down on his changing mat or in his basket he also engages a bit better.

He started cooing a few weeks ago and was doing it lots for a week or so but has now gone quieter.

I feel that he is not meeting some other milestones either :

Brings his hands together and puts them in his mouth but yet to really look at them.

Still has his “stepping reflex” which I understand should have gone by now.

He’s a gorgeous boy - loves looking around, tracks objects well, laughs when we sing or dance, feeds well.

I’m just so desperate to help him and professionals are only saying “wait and see”. Does anyone have recommendations for what I can be doing with him? We would pay for any intervention if it could help him.

Did anyone have a child who was similar at this age, and how did they get on?

Many many thanks.

Hi,

Coming from an anxious mum....I mean this is the most kind way possible...but I really don't see anything you have said to be a concern. My boy is 10 months now and he was no different to yours at all at 3 months. 3 months is so tiny and he sounds absolutely amazing! Lack of eye contact up close could just be over stimulation but again I really wouldn't worry about that at his age. Its amazing he is social and engaging with the room. My boy has gone in real phases of making noises then stopping (each time I have worried but it always returns) They drop a skill whilst they learn a new one so that sounds perfectly normal.
My boy also still had the stepping reflex well past 3 months. If he is laughing when you sing or dance that sounds amazing. Truely....He sounds absolutely perfect and bang on for his age. Please try not to spend all your time worrying as you don't get this time back. I have spent so much time worrying about my boy completely needlessly. I am back to work in a month and regret it immensely xxx

Your reply is so kind. Thank you for taking the time to write it. I have been amazed when reading other threads that people on here have such care for other people and their children.

I had quite a difficult pregnancy, so may be particularly on the look out for adverse effects that it may have had on my little boy. It was the lack of crying (even when he’s hungry) that initially made me feel sure there’s a problem... reading other threads on here it sounds like lots of babies who go on to have challenges like autism behave in this way in their first months...

Was your boy not a crier?

I’m sorry your maternity leave has not been enjoyed as much as you would have liked. Anxiety is so tough. But I’m delighted to hear your little lad is doing ok.

He has hardly ever cried for food so I've always had to guess when he is hungry. There are some children with autism who may have been non fussy quiet babies but then you also hear of autistic children having always been fussy and crying so that would never cross my mind as a reason to worry. My friends baby is 5 months old and has basically never cried and she is over the moon with that! I have done a lot of research into Autism and it really does seem that real signs of it don't come on until much later in life. A lot of things babies do can be a sign of autism in an older child but not in a baby because there are things all babies do. For instance...my boy flaps his arm...if you Google this it comes up as a red flag for autism but it's only wheb you become more informed that you see it is a red flag in a toddler...but not a baby because that's something a lot of babies do for lots of reasons.

My brothers baby is 3 months old and only cries when in the car...otherwise is perfectly content. I would honestly just take the fact that your boy is content as a massive win.

As above, it's FAR too early to worry about autism. I think he would only be assessed at 18months plus but most diagnosis do not happen until 2 or older.... honestly everything you have said sounds so normal. Another thing I have been told also regarding eye contact, is that it's not about the lenght or amount but the quality. So if your boy is showing connection or emotion (laughing at you singing etc) that's a huge positive.

My doctor told me that if you go searching for autistic signs in a baby pretty much every parent will find something...it doesn't mean they are autistic in the slightest.

By all means keep an eye, but I think you need to try and rationalise your concern otherwise you are going to drive yourself mad for no reason.

Honestly....he sounds perfect

Right, you sound exactly like me and all I can say: enjoy your baby! You will look back in regret not having enjoyed him as much as you should have. He's such a small innocent creature and all you can do now is love him and be there

I wasn't finished, I too worry - my little one is now 7 months but worried since he was 6 weeks! I have calmed down a lot though - maybe we can chat offline and I can tell you how I managed to cope better and not worry so much? X

Could it be that he is quite quiet because you are doing such a great job of looking after him?

Babies cry to let someone know that they are hungry, tired, cold, bored etc. If he has a very attentive mum who feeds him before he is screaming for a feed and makes sure he is comfortable and entertained then he has no reason to cry.

Hey baldbaby, thanks for replying.

That’s what I thought/hoped at first. But I don’t think so... at night he wakes me by kicking around so I tried leaving him be for a bit on a couple of occasions to see if he would get to crying, but it takes him ages, like half an hour or more, and then he does a little moan.

It just feels so unusual...

There is absolutely nothing you could do at this age even if he did have autism. I have had two children with autism - both cried when hungry. I am not saying that you shouldn't keep an eye on his development but you should also try and enjoy your baby. If there is an issue, it will become apparent eventually and if there isn't you will have spent months stressed out and worried for no reason. Once your child is two plus then you can do different things to help their development in autism. At the moment you should try and relax.