What was your 3 year old like?

[Tempnamechange98765]

I hope it's ok posting here.

My DS is 3 and a half and is on the waiting list to see a Community Paed for "social communication/hyperactivity" conditions (so clearly ASD or ADHD). The waiting list is very long and I keep flip flopping between thinking he is autistic or not. It's become an obsession and is affecting our relationship, and my relationship with DH.

I instigated the referral, but despite saying everything was absolutely fine after doing a SOGs, the health visitor did agree to refer him after watching him briefly at play group and speaking to the teacher.

The concerns flagged could be something or nothing, I feel. The teachers did flag a couple of things to me but never said they were "concerned". These were not listening when they called his name (had hearing test - all fine), and a couple of incidences of pushing, only wanting to play with cars/trains during free play (although apparently he joined in at circle time and could be encouraged toward other activities) and defiance.

The HV listened to these, and also when they observed him (which was once, for less than half an hour) they said he also didn't show much interest in interacting with other children there, and was making his car sound effect noise loudly whilst playing (this is a humming, engine type noise).

I just wanted to ask, those with children who are autistic (mainly Aspergers or HF, although I know these aren't diagnosed any more - but my DS doesn't have any delays with language etc), what were they like around this age? 3 to 4? And does any of the below ring any bells?

• Plays imaginatively but seems limited to real life scenarios that he's experienced eg going to a shop/on a train/beach/kitchen/giving baby milk etc. Or using ideas (but not scripts) from Tv shows. He does occasionally come out with quite creative "off the cuff" things eg this morning he drew his curtains, said his bedroom was a dark cave and said he was a monster. His imaginative play never seems to last long though, it's like he has the initial ideas but then it trails off. Don't know if this is usual for his age and I'm expecting too much.

• Makes noise. A lot. I mentioned his "engine" noise above, he makes this a lot when playing with trains/buses/tractors/kitchen/lawn mower etc - basically anything that could remotely make a noise, he will do the sound effect for. It does vary eg an ambulance will be nee naw. But it tends to be mainly noises rather than narrating. He will narrate small parts of his play. He also hums a lot, little tunes, some I recognise and some I don't! The noises don't effect his life (I think) ie if I ask him to stop he will for a while, but I know it really irritated the play group staff as it is loud.

• Went through a phase of having a loud noise phobia. This lasted about 6 months, when he was 2, and ended before he turned 3. He'd cover his ears in anticipation of loud noises, although I don't recall him ever becoming really distressed, it was more a worried look/saying he didn't like it. He's ok now really, although he still doesn't like hand driers (I know this is common for children).

• He's reluctant to join in big group activities eg singing in a big circle at library groups etc. However I think when he's warmed up he's fine - he almost always sings happy birthday enthusiastically at kids' parties, and at his private nursery (he only goes one day a week) they say he now joins in a lot, whereas when he first started in the 3-5 age group class he's in, he didn't want to join in group activities/games.

• He didn't seem to have made any friends at his play group, where he went 3 mornings a week term time from 2 years 8 months to 3 years 6 months. I did see him chat to some kids on rare occasions at drop off though, and it didn't seem to be the case that he was uninterested to me.

• Following from the above, in the last few months I feel like he's come on well socially. He approaches children of the same age roughly at the park/softplay etc and asks can I play with you etc. And will play for a little while. We don't know many children his age but the couple I do, he plays well overall with the ones who seem similar to him in temperament/interests. His private nursery also says he plays nicely with children there.

• He does seem a bit...quirky? Socially awkward on occasion? But equally I'm so hypersensitive, looking out for stuff, and I know I am. Sometimes with other children I think he seems very typical. But then on occasion he acts a bit strange, for want of a better word. Almost in an attention seeking way.

• He points to share interest and has done since 13 months. His speech and language has always been good - not unusually advanced, but I'd say above average for a boy of his age. His understanding and overall communication seems good too; he has recently started to tell me if he's sad and why, he seems to know when I'm cross just from looking at my eyes/tone of voice.

• Echolalia - he does tend to echo, not loads, and it's certainly no more than 5-10% of his overall speech. But he will repeat a statement I make for example, it's a lovely day today, or when we're in the supermarket and I'm saying "where's the apples", he'll repeat it. He doesn't echo questions eg if I say what do you want to drink he will answer. But he also carried on using "you" sometimes instead of "me" until he was just 3 I think, eg shall mummy give you a cuddle instead of me.

• He's got a funny little sense of humour, is a bit of a wind up merchant but also joins in on some of our humour in a way. He's also started telling the odd fib recently which I understand demonstrates theory of mind? I also feel as if he does have "social imagination" if I'm understanding the definition correctly, as he gets that other people don't have the same interests/favourites as him (he was pretending to be a girl from nursery recently and made up a favourite colour and tv show for her, neither of which are his favourite, more that he thought she might like those ones.

Sorry this is so long, I'm sure there's more I could say but I'll leave it! I'm just seeking a bit more info on what could be and could not be typical to try and stop myself going mad. He's started school nursery next week and I just hope he settles in there, he's fine at private nursery now but it's a much smaller group of children (school nursery is 40!).

Hi there! What you have said sounds a real mixed bag which was very similar for our DD (diagnosed at 4). She is very verbal, does imaginative play, etc. I didn't see the signs at all but went along with others' concerns (mainly based on lack of pointing until later than usual - which obviously isn't an issue for your DS, often not responding to name, not realising general commands at nursery applied to her too, a bit of reversed pronouns when she was first learning to talk (like your DS), speaking in phrases early on, preferring to play by herself or next to other children rather than with them as she got a bit older and the other children were doing more joint play).

So I don't think any of us will be able to say "it sounds like he is" or "it sounds like he isn't". It definitely seems worth pursuing if you're already in the system. I would say it sounds like he has lots of skills and interests which will stand him in good stead whether he is autistic or he isn't. A sense of humour will get you far in life!

I would say a lot of what's written about autism is rubbish (including I am pretty sure a lot of the academic literature though I know it sounds arrogant to say it) A lot of the stuff around "theory of mind" and a supposed lack of empathy just isn't true (or at least, there's no evidence it's more true of autistic people than non-autistic people). Autistic cognition is different, so there can be communication problems between autistic and neurotypical people: but that's not the same as lacking empathy or theory of mind, and certainly I've never felt my DD lacks either of those.

If you want to do some reading while you wait, I'd recommend Jessie Hewitson's "How to Raise a Happy Autistic Child" and Luke Beardon's "Autism and Asperger Syndrome in Children". They are both very positive books and won't freak you out (though they cover the whole range of autistic issues and behaviours).

I hated the bit of not knowing so I feel your pain. I did go a little bit mad, swinging between thinking she was and she wasn't (I gradually realised this is also because I have a lot of autistic traits myself, so things that seemed within the range of "normal" to me were actually not always that normal).

But if you read up a bit you won't be missing out on "doing anything" that you should have been doing to help him while you wait. If you search some of my old posts (they tend to go on a bit, sorry) you'll see some of the things that we did at home to help our DD in case it gives you any ideas. Things like emotional regulation (doing a diary, reading books about feelings), conversation practice (using books like You Choose to encourage DD to ask us questions too, playing turn taking games). Encouraging varied play and particularly praising him if he does something a bit outside his comfort zone and recognising that takes bravery. Modelling conversations and play skills using soft toys at home or with other kids in the playground, etc. Things like that won't do any harm if he turns out not to be autistic, and might help a bit if he is. In the end loving and supporting and guiding him is the main thing as with any child: but if his brain is wired differently then the more you can understand about it the easier that will be.

If it's at all reassuring, DD is doing brilliantly at 5.5 and has a lovely life, friends, good relationship with the adults in her life, does well at school, etc. etc. The main problems she has are anxiety about certain things - but at least because we know where it is coming from we (and school) can make sure that we don't make it worse. I'm sure there will be more challenges along the way, but I'm very glad we know she is autistic so we can make things as smooth for her as possible and help her build the coping skills she'll need as she gets older.

You said it's creating issues with DH: how does he feel about it? Is he happy to just wait and see? I think if one parent is around the kids more than the other it can be difficult as you will inevitably see things your DH doesn't (and particularly you may see your DS more around other kids his age, which is where you are most likely to notice differences).

Thank you so much for your reply!!! I think I have seen your posts during my (many) searches. My posts are always very long so don't worry

Can I ask if your DD often shared interest with you when she was younger eg saying look a bird/aeroplane etc? Or brought your attention to what she was doing eg asking you to watch her? I keep reading that these are "key" things to look out for which is why I keep thinking actually DS is not autistic, as since he started pointing he did it so many times a day, every single day, and even now is always saying look mummy a xyz, tells me what he's doing to share that interest or asks me to watch him do something. For me, it's more quirky thing he does do that make me think it, rather than things he DOESN'T do, if that makes sense???

How did your DD's referral come about? Was it flagged by nursery? Another thing that's confusing me is how "good" DS is in his private nursery setting. He seems to have little friends there and is always playing with kids when I drop him/pick him up. He's there one long day a week so I don't know if it's because he has longer to warm up, or if it's because there's fewer kids etc.

He's also great with friends' kids when he clicks with them. He definitely seems to seek interaction with peers since the last few months (eg he'd clearly rather play with another child at the park rather than me/DH)!

It's so good to hear your DD is doing so well though! And that she likes school and has friends. My big fears are that he won't cope at school, or won't have any friends, and will lead a sad and lonely life if I knew this wasn't the case for sure with a crystal ball, I wouldn't care if he was autistic or not.

Did/does your DD "stim"? I find myself obsessively looking for things which I know isn't healthy.

Yes DH is a much more positive/laid back person than I am. I know he thinks DS isn't for sure, but equally he's more of the attitude that he's awesome regardless (which he is don't get me wrong). I admit I'm an anxious person, I catastrophise and am not particularly rational. I've already started worrying that 6 month old DS may be autistic too as I know the chance of it running in families is high, although I can't think of any incidences of ASD in mine or DH's immediate families (unless they mask well!).

There's a YouTube channel I really like called "Nurturing Neurodiversity" and she just set up a Facebook page which is for parents going through the Dx process: I think it might be useful for you - give you somewhere to vent! If you search for it on FB it should come up, and you just need to answer a couple of questions to join.

Lots of autistic people have friends and nice relationships - e.g. you can look up SewManyBooks, Indie Andy, Connor Ward and many others you YouTube.

I would say DD did like to involve us, yes. If anything she was probably a bit slower than most kids to play independently from us. Having said that, she was very late to point (she would just talk to us about stuff but rarely physically point things out until she was more like 2 or 2.5) - so different to your son in that respect. And I would say at 3.5 she was still mainly playing alongside rather than with other children at nursery (except for a few she was very comfortable with), and would have been more likely to play with us than other children at the park unless she got a little nudge, so that's different to your son too.

Definitely doesn't sound like your son is an obvious case of autism (I don't know so much about ADHD though there's a lot of overlap and some kids have both): but I would say it's worth keeping your appointment in any case as knowledge is power, and if he is autistic it's easier to diagnose the younger he is, and having the Dx will mean you can put supports in place more quickly if/when he needs them.

In terms of stims, DD does stim a little bit but it's not very obvious unless you know what to look for. Basically she tenses her legs when she's excited. So now she's older it's barely noticeable (maybe slightly more likely to jump when excited?) - but when she was a baby it was more obvious (she would kind of waggle her legs up and down off the floor so she was just balancing on her bottom when sitting if she got excited/giggly - it was very cute!)

The thing is, all autistic behaviour is just human behaviour - just under different circumstances (e.g. any child might jump or flap their hands when excited - but probably wouldn't get to that level of excitement on a daily basis - whereas an autistic child will express themselves that way more often - possibly because they are more sensitive to certain sensory stimulii, or for whatever reason). Everybody stims. I have come to realise that I stim a lot: I spend most of my time fiddling with my hair. I used to sit on my foot constantly because I liked the pressure feedback (until it started to cause back problems!). As a child I used to have a little finger ritual where I would constantly rub the sides of my fingers together in turn. I waggle my fingers when I'm thinking hard or trying to remember something. Nobody ever commented on these things and I never really thought about them until I started to learn more about sensory stuff. Even people who are totally neurotypical will stim a bit - so it makes it very hard to diagnose unless you really know what you're doing.

I also did the thing of catastrophising that DS would be autistic too (we were told DD was probably autistic when DS was 10 days old, so we were properly sleep deprived and emotional). I actually worried more about him as he was so tiny, and whereas I knew DD had lots of strengths by then (she was nearly 3) you have no idea with a baby. He's now 2.5 and although he's a bit speech delayed he seems to be neurotypical (he is certainly a very clear communicator, even if he's a bit slow to use words to do it!) We've been keeping an eye on him but now he's older I'm confident he'll be fine either way. He's actually in many ways harder to parent than DD was (so much drama!!) - we never really had the Terrible 2s with DD, and she was always very cautious physically - DS is the complete opposite!

You asked how DD was Dx'd. We were already seeing physio from quite early on (about 18 months?) as she was a very late walker (she's hypermobile, which is quite common in autistic people: though also lots of non-autistic people are hypermobile!) I think this was also partly sensory, as she used to hate putting weight through her legs: but we didn't realise the sensory aspect at the time. Then our nanny pointed out that she never asked for things (even though she had a big vocabulary at the time). So e.g. she'd never ask for a drink or a snack, and if she couldn't get a toy she'd just get frustrated and say "I can't reach it" - rather than asking somebody for help. So I would say that's all quite subtle, but to our very experienced nanny it was clearly different. So we went to SLT for that. Somebody at some point suggested an OT drop-in (who found that she was a bit behind in using her hands together - e.g. she'd tend to chase a yoghurt round the table with her spoon rather than holding it still with her other hand, and struggled to open pots). So because we had small issues with a few different services they referred us for a paediatric assessment to see how it all joined up.

Nursery never raised concerns but then we were already "in the system" by then, so we were raising it with them rather than vice versa. The very clear thing they saw was that she got very upset by a fire alarm (hid under the table crying). Everything else was more subtle I think (the thing about not following generalised instructions to begin with, playing more alongside than with until older than other kids). She also had a preference for sand and water over other toys, though she did circulate around and do pretend play too - so it's all a matter of degree.

Anyway, hang in there and feel free to vent here - or I'll see you on the Nurturing Neurodiversity group!

Thank you so much for replying again. Wow our stories are kind of similar timing wise, the worry for this started just a couple of weeks before I gave birth to DC2. It all kind of came out of nowhere a bit too which is ironic as I've been hypersensitive to ASD as one of my health anxiety fixations, but once DS started pointing which I know is a "key" thing I put it to the back of my mind!

Your DD sounds lovely. It's so encouraging to hear she's doing well. It sounds awful but what does make me feel better is if DS was a young child at the same time as I was (early-mid nineties) there's no way any issue would be picked up. So there must be so many people on the spectrum who've just gone on to lead, as you say, happy lives. Like your DD I feel that currently, DS will be fine. It's the future I worry about though; I keep saying I wish I could keep him at 3 forever as he is such a happy child now.

I will save all of these links and resources, thanks. And I'm definitely keeping the referral going! The waiting list is almost a year so there's no way I'm pulling his name off.

I don't think he seems obviously autistic at all either. And that's coming from me, who is hypersensitive and scrutinises everything he does. I don't think he has ADHD, although I know there's different types eg inattentive. But it must be so subtle in some children I guess; it certainly sounds like it was in your DD, excluding the pointing!

Meant to say, I definitely stim! I used to chew my hair as a child (older than my DS, I was at least 7) and I also had a strange habit of pulling out eyebrow hair sometimes, almost like a very very mild trichotillomania (it was only one eyebrow and not severe although I did have the odd little bald patch!). I still do some random little things now. I've recently noticed DS doing something with his fingers, like he's making the "ok" sign. It's mainly just when we're walking somewhere. I thought it could be finger posturing, but my DH does something very similar (but one step further and actually rubs his thumb nails on both hands). He says his own dad also does it. So I don't know.

@Tempnamechange98765 Wow, your DS sounds so similar to mine!

He's 6 now and I've spent years agonising over whether he might have ASD. This year though he was diagnosed with ADHD, I'd definitely look into that more as like you I didn't think that was the issue until I read more about it.

I don't think I can say for sure he is 100% not on the ASD spectrum but he scored low in the screening test and the doctor said there was definitely not enough there for a diagnosis at this stage. He's also had glue ear and sight issues over the years but I don't know if that contributed at all.

Best of luck, I know how you feel

Thanks for replying winecheesesleep. Can I ask in what ways your DS is similar?

The neuro services we are being referred to definitely cover both ASD and ADHD, so if DS has ADHD I hope it should be picked up! How is your DS getting on?

I have looked at the symptoms of ADHD a few times, and some do stand out eg difficulty focussing on a task he doesn't enjoy. He has no interest in colouring or drawing and I've had hardly any luck encouraging him with these. If I sit with him and encourage/guide he'll draw a basic person, but that's it. At 3.5 it's so hard to know what's just due to his age though! He loves stories and will sit and have several in a row. He went through a phase of enjoying puzzles too and could do the age appropriate ones nicely, a few in a row, but it was something he was enjoying.

He definitely doesn't have the lack of sense of fear, if anything he's probably a bit more cautious than his peers, although I wouldn't say noticeably so. He'll climb etc at the park, but he does concentrate hard rather than rushing. I can confidently let him walk on the pavement without holding his hand as I know he won't run in to the road or anything (I always hold his hand by a busy road and when crossing though obviously!).

The constant talking/making noise definitely fits though.

Hi. My son is 10 now, and was diagnosed just recently with ADHD and with ASD at age 7.

At 3 the signs were definitely there but I didn't want to see them or believe they could be what I was fearing.

He started school nursery at just turned 3, previously we would go to a playgroup and he was hard, hard work - would not sit for story time, or snack time, or singing, or join in on the carpet for circle time. He'd just carry on doing his own thing, oblivious to the other kids. He did not interact with other children unless it was to snatch something away from them or if they tried the same with him (woe betide them if they did, he'd lash out). He ignored things like a queue for the slide. I could not leave him to play because there would be problems. He'd be more interested in trying to get the biscuit box down from a high table, climb on chairs to reach the window, open the fire door...

Out and about, he was close to 4 till I felt confident enough to let him walk by me while I pushed his little brother in the buggy; before then, he needed to be strapped in to the pushchair tightly because he'd run away if I let him out.

He wouldn't attempt to ask for things, he'd pull at me and make me go where he wanted to go, and if I resisted he'd just rage/melt down.

At nursery they raised red flags to me after three weeks. Told me about a range of issues, from not sitting at carpet time (he just wouldn't, he'd get up and go) to having a meltdown (as I now understand) when they changed the routine and wanted them to go in a different room for singing. He would not go in the other room even though he had been in there before with no problems. They told me he never interacted with the other children; by the end of his year there, there was one child he would run around with outside, a child who spoke no English. They wanted to put him on the register of special needs and I said no (I was so upset, but god, they were so right!) but then said it didn't matter if he wasn't formally on it as they'd put in place everything for him anyway. He pretty much had a one-to-one, as one of the TAs spent a vast amount of time with him. It turned out she had a son with ASD and just knew. I bumped into her in the street years later, about a year ago when my son was 9, and told her about his diagnosis. She was not in the least bit surprised.

So much of my understand of my son came as my younger son got older, and I began to realise quite how different they are. How it was a positive pleasure to take DS2 out, we would chat, he'd behave beautifully, I could let him walk and he'd not run off, he was reasonable... at that same playgroup, which I took him to when DS1 had started in reception, he would join in with everything, sit at the table for a snack, sory, singing, the lot. It was like night and day.

DS1 was unstoppable. If he got into his head to do something only being physically unable to do it would stop him. When he was a young toddler, we had to take the settee to pieces to stop him using it to climb onto the kitchen worktop. When my second son was the same age, he would definitely stop when told "no!" DS1 - no hearing problems but there would be no response, not a flicker.

By the time DS got to reception (different school) they judged that his behaviour didn't deviate too far from that of the other kids, most of the time. By year 2, it was clear that he had major issues with an inability to concentrate and focus, and retain what he'd learnt. I sought advice from his Y2 teacher who advised me to seek assessment. I thought ADHD would be the diagnosis but it was ASD. Beofre the assessment I would have thought he wasn't autistic, by the end I knew it was a foregone conclusion that it was my boy. So many more subtle signs that I had not been aware of, such as a lack of reciprocation - that was major. Many things going back to his first 2 years. He had slightly delayed speech but nothing that the HV picked up on, he scraped 50 single words at 2yrs, but wasn't putting words together till later, and he had indistinct speech till 5+.

Loads more stuff. He's got amazing, immense focus if he's self-directed and engaged in something. Try to get him to do homework and he'll slump, fidget, clear he has zero ability to work up any energy or drive to just get on with it... he's hard work, my little boy, but I love him to bits.

Thank you MrsMartinRohde. I don't blame you for not wanting to see the signs when your DS was younger, it's very hard for us as parents to admit there might be something "different" about our kids, and it's also hard if it's your first child! I have no idea what a 3 year old is "supposed" to be like, other than the milestones he was meant to reach that I can google, so I have no idea whether some of DS' "quirkier" behaviour is typical for his age or not!

Thank you for sharing your experience. What is your DS like now at 10? Has he stayed in a mainstream school? How has he found school? Does he have friends? School is my big fear for my DS, as he functions perfectly fine at home and we don't have meltdowns etc, just what (I think) are your usual 3 year old tantrums, but they're not all that frequent and they're short lived.

Completely agree @Tempnamechange98765 - if you're not familiar with typical toddlers, it's impossible to know what's fine and what is concerning. In my case, I have a nephew and niece who are older than my older DS, but they live abroad and so I've spent very little time with them, plus they were brought up bilingual from the beginning so I couldn't compare their language development with my child. Also, my exDH has a nephew who is 6 yrs older than our DS, and he has ASD and ADHD, but is more severely affected (is in a special school as he could not cope in mainstream even with 1-2-1). I've known this child since he was 3, and my ex (and exMIL) did fairly often say how he was just like our DS but I'd look at this child and think, well thank goodness our DS isn't like that because he wasn't, he didn't have the overt sensory issues, at least not as a very little child. It made me think THAT is what ASD looks like, my child doesn't look like that, so my child doesn't have it. Of course I know so much more now...

At 10, I actually don't know. A lot of the time I think he's fine, definitely quirky, but at home, or at least when he's around family he knows well, he seems ok. At school he managed reasonably well socially up to maybe yr 4, there were no accommodations in place for him, but then demands got greater, and there were some worrying incidents of impulsive behaviour. He now has much more understanding in school, since yr 5 anyway. He struggles with a change in routine, or change being thrust on him unexpectedly; the issue is he has it set in his head what something is going to be like, then it isn't and he cannot cope. This can be something like a friend not behaving in the way DS wants/demands/expects, or a teacher changing the seating plan in the classroom, or a stranger killing him in Roblox. He's also big on unfairness, and if a teacher does something he judges to have been unfair (told him off for something he didn't do, for example, which has sadly happened quite a bit, I do think they misinterpret his facial expressions) he cannot brush it off or let it go, he'll dwell on it and rage (not at the time but with me later and I am then tasked with sorting it out).

He's definitely struggling socially a lot more now. He has friends, he's always had friends because he's not naturally shy or quiet, he's a bit of a show-off, likes to be in the spotlight, and has cultivated a class clown persona; he'd be the kid who did something outrageous in the playground. So I think a lot of kids would have always been drawn to that, and in the past I'd have said DS doesn't so much have friends as followers. He's got three friends at school and they've been good friends for the past 2-3 years, and he's secure and comfortable in that. It worries me how he'll cope at high school when he doesn't have that, since there's no guarantee his friends will be at the same school. Obviously, when you're the class clown, there's going to be as many kids who cannot stand that as love it, and so he's always had enemies as well. Lately, his teachers (and him) have described major issues with group work, which was not a problem before, but his classmates are sometimes really intolerant to him, critical of his ideas and impatient, which really upsets and angers him, so I'm keeping a very close eye on how all that pans out this year. It's not boding well for high school. He doesn't see his friends out of school, and he has no social activities. He refuses point blank to do anything that could possibly be described as a "club".

I'm in the process of trying to get him assessed for an EHCP, and he's had some assessments already, with EP, OT and SaLT, which all described various issues that will need intervention, so I am having a small but growing hope he will end up either in an ASD base in a mainstream secondary or with 1-2-1 support. He has coped ok in mainstream primary possibly because it started out as a new school, with just 4 reception classes, so very small, and has grown organically the past 6 years. It's now full, and a very large school, but DS has always been in the oldest cohort, and I feel he is "known" there, and feels very comfortable. The thought of him going to some massive secondary, with 1,000+ pupils, terrifies me.

There's definitely more challenges to come that are impossible to imagine when your baby is not in school - if I could go back and change anything it would be that I'd taken the red flags nursery raised a lot more seriously, and sought a diagnosis for DS then. Because when he got to primary, they claimed not to see anything the matter (apart from behavioural, they just thought he was naughty), and then when his academic issues started to emerge and they put him in intervention classes, they still didn't seem to think there was more to it. Eventually that yr 2 teacher suggested I take him to the GP, and that set the ball rolling. But even after that, with the diagnosis, and recommendations from the psychologist he now see an EP and SaLT to determine his support needs, school failed to do this (not only didn't do this but lied to me that they had). Only when DS was excluded did they get the EP in, 18 months after the recommendation. Another year on and he's only now had the ADHD assessment that the EP referred him for, and seen the SaLT. So he's 10 and finally I have an idea, and he's started the medication that could make a big difference, but this should have happened 2 years ago. It enrages me because the past 2 years have been hard on DS, he's got further and further behind, he's more and more aware of his place in the pecking order, he hates being bottom of the class, he doesn't like being lumped in with what he regards as the stupid kids, he's often really unhappy and depressed about school... he attempted suicide in June. Which is not what any parent wants to deal with but it's lit the most enormous firework under his school, and finally things are being put in place.

My advice has to be - intervention as early as possible, and don't let up, don't allow weeks and months to slip by when you're waiting for people to do what they say they will. :)