I’m a single mum to my ds who is 9 with severe autism, pda, incontinent, allergies, the list goes on.
I posted recently but I’m having such a difficult morning with him. Trying to do school work where I basically tell him the answer and he still gives the wrong answer.
He’s been out of school a few years after being excluded and yes I’ve spoken to sendiass, ipsea and ring local authority every day but no mainstreams or special schools in two counties will take him so I’m being forced to home educate. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell the local authority that by law he needs an education, nobody cares. And yes he does have an ehcp.
He’s gone through 6 pull ups this morning, the pyjama pants are the only ones that fit and it’s costing me £5-£10 a day. NHS won’t give him nappies because they think it’s due to his autism and not a physical medical problem. I sit him on the loo where he says ‘it won’t come, can’t do it’ as soon as he’s off the loo he’s leaking poo. This has been going on for 5 years and I’ve tried everything.
I had a really awful, abusive childhood and all I ever wanted was for my son to have a good childhood but I feel like I’m the worst mother, I used to play lots, read lots, take him everywhere but the last few years I feel like I’ve lost the plot, my life revolves around cleaning his bum, ringing doctors and local authority who basically tell me to piss off and trying to keep on top of the house which he trashes.
It’s relentless. I have no family, no support, it’s just me and him and he’ll look back and remember angry, impatient mummy.
I’m on antidepressants and I need to go back to the doctors and ask for a higher dose because I can’t cope.
I know there’s no magic wand and I can see this will be my life until I die and I hate it so much right now. And I won’t look at respite or anything because ds can be very violent and I’d worry about what he could do. Nobody believes me until he hurts them. Was excluded at 5yo for stabbing his teacher and he has calmed down a lot since being home which is something I suppose.
I don’t even know why I’m posting, just to let it out here rather than at him I suppose. He’s playing in his room and I’m having a coffee downstairs, hoping the day gets better.