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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

Feel Like A Failure Now!!!

17 replies

fio2 · 20/09/2004 15:47

Please tell me to shut up and stop it!

I have been waiting for dd's incontinence products for a couple of months now! Have just had a phonecall off the school nurse to say they dont want her to wear any nappies and she should be on a toileting program and if I dont train her now she will be in nappies at 10

i havent done this on purpose! She just doesnt understand, I even doubt she has any sensation when she pees as she doesnt even seem to care if she is in wet pants, or wets herself with no clothes on and doesnt even notice.

her diagnosis doesnt point to nerve damage so she is just treated as a learning disabled child.

the nurse was very nice, but I just feel like its my fault now that she isnt trained. Anyway she is coming out to see me. Why do i feel belittled. Must be the day for my paranoia. I think I have PMT!

OP posts:

littlemissbossy · 20/09/2004 15:51

ok fio "shut up and stop it" - no it is certainly not your fault that she's not trained, she's just not ready.
Have they advised you on a toileting program?

Original poster

fio2 · 20/09/2004 15:51

I am so mad with myself, i need a drink now and i was suppossed to have cut it out from today

OP posts:

Original poster

fio2 · 20/09/2004 15:52

and to top it all off I opened her homebook from school and it said "please send in more nappies and wet wipes please" LOL

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littlemissbossy · 20/09/2004 15:53

NO!! so they've taken 2 months to tell you this and offer no further advice?? that's disgraceful

littlemissbossy · 20/09/2004 15:54

sorry posts crossed, well you want to copy that with a letter to the school nurse

Jimjams · 20/09/2004 15:55

oh FFS these people. My friend's portage worker told her that her dd would still be in nappies at 10 as well (she was dry during the day by 4 and dry at night by 7).

BTW there is a VERY good book about toilet training autistic kids- I know your dd isn't auti- but it deals with vvariations of all sorts of problems and all sorts of tricky situations. It's here

Original poster

fio2 · 20/09/2004 15:58

Thanks jimjams, i will order that. As for her not being auti, I think alot of her 'symptoms' if I can call them that (!) overlap with autism anyway, so it should be useful

i was desperatley hoping that school would push her on with it tbh. They are doing a toileting program with her but she only started two weeks ago so we havent got to the school/home same routine thing yet

I forgot to say she did ask for the toilet on saturday and did a wee and a poo in it. But that was once on the whole weekend!

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Original poster

fio2 · 20/09/2004 15:59

and am i the only one who takes offence to the sentance

"children like this"

and why did she keep saying did Bedford not do a training program with her? I have never been to Bedford in my life

OP posts:

Jimjams · 20/09/2004 16:10

she may be like ds1 fio. He went from being completely not remotely toilet trained to being dry overnight (as 4 and a half) , Then he was dry at night within days as well. It just all clicked in- it's a good book as it gives strategies for different types of problems. And yes I hate "children like this".

meea · 20/09/2004 16:42

Oh Fio2 don't let it get you down my 6 year old non SN dd1 still wets her self at school and will also sit in wet pants all day and insists that she doesn't know shes done it.She wears pull ups at night .We have been through toileting programs with her and things aren't improving.I think that as parents we want to get everything right and so blame ourselves for things that we aren't to blame for.I am sure she will get there when she is good and ready.We had a specialist nurse who came to visit at home she had lots of good ideas. The ERIC website is also good.

Original poster

fio2 · 20/09/2004 17:37

thanks meeaa

I have decided if they are not going to provide nappies I will send her into school without a nappy on and provide no spare clothes and see what the school will make of it (only joking but it WOULD serve a purpose)

OP posts:

coppertop · 20/09/2004 18:45

I'd be tempted to send dd in without nappies too - then see how long it takes for them to beg you to put her back in nappies.

Ds1 only managed it a few weeks ago and he's still in nappies at night.

heartinthecountry · 20/09/2004 20:56

You are absolutely not a failure for not having toilet trained your dd yet. If she hasn't been ready, she hasn't been ready. Everyone knows it is foolish to try toilet training unless they are ready, even with an NT child. I cannot imagine that my dd will be anywhere near ready before she is 4 or 5 (thanks for the good book tip Jimjams).

If the school now wants to help you do it, then great. But they shouldn't be making you feel bad about not having done it before. Its not like you want her in nappies (oh the joy!) ffs!

Original poster

fio2 · 21/09/2004 16:41

just an update, i have told her teacher and she is not happy

they are doing a toileting program with her but is so far unsuccessful and they cant understand why extra pressure is being pout on me. They are going to get involved with sorting the nappies out

result

hopefully though the nurse will have some good tips!

OP posts:

Davros · 21/09/2004 18:09

Fio, they can't have been trying for very long surely, hasn't she just started at this school? If that's their attitude, its too slow so make the parent do it, then they won't get anywhere. Do you think they know what they're doing with TT and being consistent etc? I would get that book Jimjams recommended and dazzle them with your knowledge, you'll also be able to assess if what they are doing is pants (hardyharhar).

Original poster

fio2 · 21/09/2004 18:46

davros the school are being very helpful, well on the education side anyway. they just want her to settle before they start stepping it up a gear with concern of the toilet training. The nurse is employed by the health authority, not the school, from what i can gather and doesnt want to provide so many free nappies. My heart bleeds for them it really does >insert sarcastic smiley!

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Thomcat · 21/09/2004 21:36

That post really upsat me Fio. How dare anyone make you feel that way, that makes me so angry. You are not a failure, you haven't done anything wrong. Really, how dare they be so damning and so unsupportive, FFS. Jesus, if they could walk in your shoes for a week aye, then see what they have to say and differently they would view things.

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