Struggling with Child with ADHD

[LetsAskaRobot]

DS(7) has recently been diagnosed with ADHD, and we've shifted our approach to dealing with his behaviour, and we're helping him understand his triggers, helping him develop ways of calming himself down, learning to concentrate etc.

The issue is me really, I just can't cope. His constant noises and whistling and humming and tapping irritate me and I hate myself for it. I understand that it's his way of coping but it makes me so on edge. His outbursts when he's tired or stressed make me panic and I just want to run away.

I've lost all interest in life, I don't want to get out of bed and face the day anymore because I know it's the same old slog through to bedtime.

It's much harder during the school holidays because he really does thrive on routine, and I feel guilty for wanting him to go back to school, but nothing is ever good enough for him, be it meals, clothes etc he seems to find a way to "kick off" about anything.

Sorry for the self-indulgent post, I don't have anyone else to talk to about it, DH is going through the same as me and we have no mental energy left. My friends don't know about DS's diagnosis because I don't want it to be common knowledge, and family don't understand, they think we need to be tougher on him and he'll grow out of it.

Hello, just saw this had gone unanswered as I was about to post about my own son with ADHD (also 7)

The constant noise and movement does my head in too. My son doesn't like noisy environments (the irony!) yet makes so much of his own!

It is so isolating sometimes and I really feel for you. Having the patience to deal with every outburst is almost impossible. Just be kind to yourself.

I got a brief respite today by letting him loose in a playground. How is he in that unstructured setting?

Don't worry about what people think. It's not yours or his fault that he has ADHD and there is a lot of ignorance out there but it is definitely not anyone's fault.

It gets better Mine is a teen now, but used to bang and tap and spin. In the end we took him out of school as he was misunderstood and I love that time I had with him one to one to understand what makes him tick. Even though he is back in school now we are incredibly close still.

Take the holidays to find some way of redirecting his energy. Banging - perhaps get him an electronic drum kit? Spinning - go to the swings and roundabouts. It is all about the sensory needs that the banging and noises he makes fulfil. Google sensory diet and see if you can come up with some things that may help.

Also don't discount medication. It does NOT make them zombies. ADHD is a chemical imbalance in the brain, just like depressions so nothing to be ashamed of. We initially made the decision t put him on medication when about your DS age. Ten he came of fit while at home and for the first years of secondary. After a raft of detentions and calls from teachers we spoke to him and said as he was older then it was his choice, what did he think? He decided to try it and he can tell that it calms him and he can concentrate better, but it is totally his decision. In fact, he has recently said he would never drive without it as he knows he gets too distracted!

Thanks for replying. We're having good and bad days, it's hard to see the wood for the trees on a bad day!

Missy he's very active, he does love running around at the park but gets stroppy when it's time to leave, and no matter how I try and warn him we're going in 5 mins etc it always ends in tears.

Quck that's interesting re medication, and fantastic that your son is aware of how it helps him. We agreed with the paediatrician that we'd try some methods at home first before looking at medication. Did you find it changed your son's personality much? I worry that it would go the opposite of how he is now and dull his sparkle almost? I'm also worried about the side effects re appetite, DS is skinny despite eating lots, so I'd hate for him to not feel hungry!

The evidence is that behavioural interventions help with attention but NOT with impulsivity/hyperactivity, only meds help with those.

Our DS has been on meds since Jan and we've seen more of a change since Easter when we got the current dose sorted; he is calmer and while some have asked "does he seem more sad", he will now SAY he is sad instead of just acting out.
He was very slightly overweight for his age and he's grown up but not out which was exactly what he needed BUT we have plans in place for if he doesn't put on any more weight while getting even taller - there are ways to adjust his diet that we can try - first step will be whole milk as he loves his milk and cereal.

You have written exactly how I feel. I left my 9 year old DD's bedroom at 9.30pm (she won't go to sleep without a person in bed with her). We have had a semi lovely day visiting a castle and eating out but I am on edge the whole time. She gets very irritable and moody, has meltdowns and starts attacking her sister when play fighting gets out of hand, is rude and aggressive with me if I try to correct her and quite frankly there are moments I wish I could just walk away.
I know how awful that makes me sound and I feel as guilty as hell but I, like you am exhausted by the constant jumping, touching, silly noises, anger and meltdowns. She has Sensory issues too as do I and her dad. It's like a walking circus sometimes. Just today we were walking along and I noticed I'd lost my cardigan right as the two girls were trying to throw each other under passing cars and then my husband had a diabetic hypo! I know this is a giant whinge but I just want to say I hear you. It is tough and because it is an invisible disability (as is SPD and diabeties) it looks like we are just one of those families who can''t parent their kids.
I am awaiting a clinical diagnosis for DD so we can access medication as she is hitting puberty and things are only going to get worse. A someone has already said, medication is not the devils work. It can help these kids get themselves together and get on with their lives. I hope you get some help and support and keep posting as I know just writing this stuff down helps me feel less rubbish.

My son is 10, diagnosed with asd and adhd. Every single one of these posts could be about him. We started "straterra" for his adhd in may it's a non stimulant designed to help the impulsivity and hyperactivity. Within a couple of weeks we were noticing differences - he was calmer and less volatile. Don't get me wrong he still has bad days and sometimes minor things still trigger outbursts but it's not several times a day anymore.

I have to say puberty starting and hormones has made him so much worse with his moods, the aggression has been bad. It is so stressful trying to manage him I feel like I'm on edge waiting for the next potential kick off! He is the oldest of 3 so it's tricky balancing his issues and needs with his siblings who are both NT and his outbursts/meltdowns can be scary for them.

It's a lonely parenting experience if you don't know others in the same situation as other parents don't get it, they can't help but judge, should be stricter etc - if only it were that simple and we hadn't tried everything already!

I have 11 yr old with adhd (diagnosed at 7). I um and ah about meds for a year but when his school wasnt coping with him we put him on methylphenidate. It's worked wonders for him. Gone to near top of class, polite, well mannered, considerate - all of them go out window without meds. He's formed some great friendships. Meds arnt without bumps. First 6 months was tough with headaches, stomach aches, no appetite. But it got better. His appetite is still affected so we watch what he eats - lots of nutritious high calorie fats added to his food, evening snacks as he wont eat during the day. And yes you may feel they become a little zombie like or too quiet but it's more as parents we are used to them.doing everything at full pelt with accompanying noise. He now asks for his meds as he likes himself better as he says he doesnt get told off as much and slows his brain down

Iv two more boys on waiting lists for adhd diagnosis and they will be trying meds without hesitation

Also me and my husband found 1,2,3 magic a useful discipline system.

Sorry I've not been back, It's good to know in a morbid way that I'm not the only one experiencing this!

Wavey I've just ordered 123 magic, hopefully it will help. Our local children's centre offer a 10 week course on it, but unfortunately it's on a weekday afternoon so not suitable as I work full time... So frustrating.

Can I ask you all how your children's school manage the condition? I've arranged to meet DS's new teacher in September, and I'm not really sure what I can ask them to do/What adjustments they can reasonably make?

Also please don't get me started on how many people I've come across that just don't believe ADHD is real, it's heartbreaking and makes me so worried for DS's future

Why are ALL parenting courses during the day in the week?

Some schools are better than others with understanding and support but you will likely have to fight and push for it even with a diagnosis. You can ask for regular release breaks or sensory breaks - basically so he isn't expected to sit still at his desk for long periods. This can be just helping the teacher give out the books or collect in the work just gets him out of his seat for little stretch. Depending on your schools resources - sensory circuits if there are several children with similar needs they can take them all out of class together to do this, if the school has a trim trail type thing a run on that mid morning and mid afternoon with a TA. Things like sitting near the front so the teacher can keep them on task, visual timetables, support during transitions etc.