Does anyone have a child with ASD but also a NT child?

[Goonergirl14]

Just looking to see if anyone is in the same boat as me? I have a 8 year old DS with autism, DS2 is 6 and is NT. I find it very hard to be two different types of parent. DS1 is not particularly sociable as expected really and doesn't like taking part in afterschool activities though he does attend a weekend club for children with additional needs. I find this puts a strain on trying to provide DS2 with things to do that his wee friends do too as my DH works backshift so it is mostly me that takes them to clubs and DS1 doesn't like hanging around waiting for DS2 at activities. I can see the enjoyment DS2 gets when he goes to football etc. and it makes me sad that I can't always take him and also sad that DS1 has no interest in such activities though he is fantastic at computer games so not all bad I suppose! Most people I know with DC's on the spectrum only have one child or both/all their DC's have ASD/ADHD. I know how fortunate I am that I only have one DC with ASD but I find it challenging trying to meet both their needs, they do enjoy doing lots of things together but I feel certainly for DS2 that he needs to develop his own wee social circle. Is anyone in a similar situation?

DS has an ASD, DD is NT and they’re 4 years apart in age.

So tbh, loads of hanging about for both of them for different reasons...they’re very different people with different interests - so I can’t imagine not having them doing different things even without thinking about it in terms of ASD/NT.

Thank you Tabulahrasa yeah lots of hanging around, unfortunately DS1 doesn't really do hanging around! 😀. At least now he has his own club he attends, just trying to juggle everything I find impossible sometimes!

I have a ds who's nearly 6 (ASD) and a nearly 4 year old dd who's NT. in our case at the moment it works ok as socially/emotionally the kids are about the same age.
There are, however, quite a lot of occasions where dd is having fun but we have to leave because it's too stressful for ds. I'm also still not at a stage where I can take them both out on my own, so we only tend to do trips/outings if I only have one or DH is around.
It's a very tricky balancing act.

Make friends with parents of your DS2 school friends. I found two great friends that way who would take my NT child along on their family outings / cinema trips etc and for sleepovers. In return I did school picks up which helped them with work. Also be brutally honest with grandparents etc and whether they could take your DS2 sometimes on his own. It’s hard for us as parents to miss out but nice to know our children aren’t missing out too. Often people want to help and don’t know how. Also some parents of NT only children find it hard to keep their child entertained and find having an extra child tag along makes their life easier! look to see if any young carer groups too. My children are older now and while there are times my NT children felt they missed out there are also times they tell me it’s great I don’t have time to hover over them and check up on them! I would say they are mature and independent for their age probably due to having to be more self sufficient. My child has severe autism and the gap has just got bigger and bigger. The last few years I’ve taken NT children on a separate holiday and I wished I’d done it years ago as DS3 doesn’t mind at all not going and staying with his Dad. Some holiday clubs offer reduced price to siblings with disabled children. Our local young carers group has done residential trips and theme park outings. My oldest is now looking at uni and he has been offered two free residential courses based on being a young carer / sibling. It’s easier to find support for the NT children especially in holidays than the SN one. But definitely encourage your DS2 friendships and have his friends over and hopefully you will find that their parents reciprocate. I have 2 NT and they’ve benefitted having each other but also having close friends and spending time with aunts and grandparents.

I have 4 dc, two have ASD. They are all girls and the two with ASD, while high functioning, are very different.

A situation I’ve often encountered is that children who start off at school typically often take a while to ‘show’ their ASD. I’ve made friends from dc who have been diagnosed with ASD (or ADHD). So I’ve felt less alone.

It is very difficult to juggle all dcs competing demands, and sometimes you need to prioritise keeping an ASD child safe above the needs of others. I often feel judged for this, but I have a couple of close friends who have seen one of my dc self harm marks (11yo) and so I also have some staunch supporters on the playground.

Thank you Dropthedeaddonkey and imip. I am fortunate that DS2 although quite quiet is sociable and already has a wee group of friends at school, one of the mums already helps out taking him to the BB's. I don't have much in the way of family support unfortunately so when DH is at work I have them both myself and if DS2 has something on DS1 has to be dragged along. DS2 is a typical boy likes football etc which he has just started, DS1 likes his toy cats so very different! I agree imip about keeping my ASD child safe which is the main priority, he is not a runner but does scream in public when stressed and it can be the smallest thing which triggers this. It is good to know I am not alone in having to juggle the demands of very different children!

Can ds1 cope with hanging around if he has a tablet to play on or something?

I have the same thing DS1 (8) has ASD and DS2 (4) is so far NT (I say this as I'm not 100% certain he isn't as he is bright but not always great socially). DS1 is the life and soul of the party. Despite attending a special school, he is just about able to cope with cubs and attends a special needs swimming group. Ds2 so far I have been able to devote more time to as he was at nursery while DS1 was at school.

We have an after school nanny so I can work 2 days a week who I now employ for a 3rd after school day. It's a luxury I know but it allows me to do swimming with Ds2. Will see how it goes, but DS1 could also attend a Saturday special needs club in the future.

They both do junior park run too so at least they do something together.

Ds2 also gets the benefit of being walked to school 3 days a week whereas his brother goes by bus.

That said, I find the holidays very tough. When dh is around, we spend lots of 1:1 time with them even just taking them to the shops. I can see the gap getting bigger over the next few years, sadly.

I have a 7 year old with ASD and a NT 5 year old.

As someone else said, it works ok most of the time at the moment as the DC are at a similar level developmentally. I'm fully expecting that to change in the next few years.

I have 5 year old DTDs, DTD2 is autistic. I do feel that DTD1 misses out sometimes.

Definitely a juggling act. DS1 is 6 and sometimes can't cope with leaving the house at all let alone do clubs. Makes it very hard on DS2 who is a NT very outgoing 4 year old. When DH is working away I rely on other mum's to take DS2 to party's/park etc when things are too tough at home. It's sad to miss out on so much.

Thank you for all your replies, it certainly is s juggling act! I agree with them being on the same level developmentally as has been commented, I have people ask if they are twins as they are almost the same size and DS1 is around the same level a DS2 academically though DS2 is a better reader. Branleuse - tablet works sometimes for DS1, DS2 has a karate class on Wed DS1 will need to come so will try the tablet for that! Glad to know so many of you are in a similar boat thank you!