Should I get DH to read DD1's statement?

[r3dh3d]

Just got DD1's statement back; we're in the "you have 15 days to disagree with what is wrong before we fail to give you adequate provision" stage.

I tend to handle this stuff - I've got more time and, tbh, I'm tougher than DH who doesn't handle it well. The parts that describe what DD1 is capable of make pretty grim reading. Should I give it to DH, so I can get a 2nd pair of eyes on it and make sure I haven't missed anything? I know he will get very upset by it and possibly go off the rails for a few weeks.

Part of the problem is I'm not sure if this is rubbing his nose in it, ie am I telling him stuff that isn't necessary because I need to share the burden? Or is it kinder to keep him in the loop on this stuff as a sort of reality check so that if he ever really needs to get his head round the reality of it all, it isn't so big a shock that he can't handle it?

I dunno. This whole thing of dealing with your child's SN by putting your fingers in your ears and singing "la la la, I'm not listening..." is such a ... guy thing that I don't know how to handle it.

Thoughts? What do you guys do?

Oh heck. That was sooo waffly for a fairly simple question. Sorry folks!

Message withdrawn

I don't think he should be allowed to stick his fingers in his ears tbh, he's her parent as much as you are and he should be shouldering the responsibilities and worries jointly with you.

I do think you should insist that he read the SEN and discusses it with you.

On a practical level you could ask your local Parent partnership service to read through the statement with you.

I tend to do most the appointments etc surrounding my son. My hubby does find it difficult emotionally reading the tough stuff in black and white. I also can tend to "take over" and am aware that I get so intense surrounding parental views etc that its hard for hubby to contribute. (I work in this area so tend to know the people involved which makes it harder for him)

good luck

Er, yes, he should read it. What if you decided to be blissfully unaware? Why is it your job to protect him from the realities of his life? And furthermore, he has NO right to go off the rails at you.

He needs to read it in black and white. Your child is as much his responsibility as yours and he ought to attend the annual review as well.

I would also suggest you contact IPSEA if in particular you are not happy with any of the provision (remember it must be both specific and quantified, no woolliness!!). This legally binding document is the best you're going to get once it is returned for final analysis; parts 2 and 3 in particular must be able to fully meet your child's needs (not those of the penny pinching LEA).

We are at an earlier stage, still assessment and diagnosis but DH wants to bury his head in the sand and ignore that there is anything different with DS2. He doesn't want to go to any appointments. I don't think he is able to deal with it - he doesn't have any outlets for all the emotional side of dealing with DS's SN other than me. I drip feed him info because i think it will be too much of a shock if he doesn't know anything about the many appointments we have. Also he loves DS and needs to know what we are all facing so I think in the big horrible grown up world he needs to know more rather than less. It would be nice to have a DH that wanted to share the burden but I think we are just really different and cope with things in a different way. Maybe it is that whole mars venus thing.

I find it easier just to get on with it myself but it is a bit lonely worrying for two sometimes.

Hope all goes well with whatever you decide.

It might be easier onhim if you remind him that statements have to be grim reading,otherwise extra provision and support is not going to be provided?

It's a bit of a game.
As a salt,when contributing to a statement I am often the voice of doom but I always explain to parents why this is so.

My dh would'nt read ds statement either, but I think they should, they cant help thier dc if they dont know all the details.

Thanks all.

What doesn't help is that it is (I think) a really difficult statement - lots of medical evidence, lots and lots to say about what is wrong with DD1 (and, as you say, moondog, SALT is particularly negative about her ability to do anything at all....) and the standard process of taking each one of these and ticking back how it is to be addressed in section 3, etc ... I can't guarantee I'll live that long tbh. It will definitely take years off my life and there's a whole dither about how much it will actually change for DD1. She's already in a nursery place at a PMLD/SLD school; LEA will continue to send her there, she will continue to have an IEP written in consultation with SALT/OT/Physio. Although it is possible to get quantified provision in this scenario, you really have to be able to demonstrate how it will differ in kind from what is already being offered. I know it would differ in kind, but I can't say so without proving the therapists in particular to be failing her at present.

So - days, if not weeks of work ahead, much of which will almost certainally be kicked back in our faces and then we face a long slog which we can't afford, without the certainty that DD1 will benefit much from the end result. [sigh] Ach, but you lot know all about this! . I'm just at the "oh feck" stage atm and it's making it harder to involve DH because I don't have our "story" straight in my head yet.

Oh and moondog - is it usual to include in the LEA's evidence the SALT's statement in the form of a sort of multiple-choice tick box thing with absolutely no explanation/annotation? I can't make head nor tail of it except that it's clear DD1 can't do anything at all.

If you can't understand it,I would ask for a written explanation. Is it all salt jargon? If so then noone else will understand it either.

Seems logical to me that the parents should be able to make sense of what is written eh?

funny things these men arent they!!!!!!!

were all pretty much the same....wife reads the reports, Dh doesnt really!!!!!!!

we both read everything