Does this sound like autism or aspergers?

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DC (9) has always been quite challenging and displayed symptoms over the years which have concerned me. But whenever I spoke toteachers or various GPs in our Practice, I was told consistently that DC is fine, there is no point giving a label etc etc. To me it's not about giving a label but to provide DC with help and support, and helping us understand him better. DH is not very understanding at all and gets extremely frustrated with DC.

I have listed the main issue down below:

Physical or vocal stims/tics - something has always been present sniffing, humming, pulling at jumper, jerking of head, sniffing food and fingers. We've had about a year since no tics but I know if DC was to face a difficulty in life such as bullying or a loss of a loved one a tic would resurface.

Hates paper - has expressed his hate of the sound of paper.

Hypersensitive to certain noises. Gets upset if younger DC makes a noise when he is watching TV. He is quite intolerant of him in general - hates being followed by him, hates his presence

Obsesses over things (and the time)

Inability to sit and socialise properly. Pesters for my phone when we visit someone

Inability to read emotions of others sometimes or understand he is being inappropriate or mean to younger DC/others or upsetting me

Clumsiness and forgetfulness

Unresponsive and daydreamy. Every single teacher he's had complained of his lack of focus and concentration in class

Needed a strict routine before but is alot easier now

Has a strong sense of justice for himself, but quite selfish towards others

Hates sharing with others. Was very proud of himself for sharing the other day. Hates taking cutlery from ashared tray at school, or people eating close to him as they 'spit' in his food whilst eating

Food issues. Heaps better now but still dislikes foods touching, sauces etc

Emotionally unintelligent/immature. Unable to express his frustration properly and has occasionally spoken of leaving home, tells me his brain isn't working properly and that he feels crazy

Extreme lack of organisational skills, lack of time management and inability to prioritize what needs doing first

Inflexibilty in his thinking, has to get his way

Cripplingly shy. Has lots of friends but can be awkward socially and can come across as rude. Eg every school morning a teacher at the gates says hello to both DC and not once have they replied

Negative and always whinging. Always finds something to be unhappy about. Gets quite anxious about things.

DC is a loving, funny, quirky little boy and I love him to bits. But life can be so exhausting with his negativity and whinging, his intolerance towards DC2, and having to micromanage his day. DH is very unhelpful and I feel worsens thw situation. FIL is autistic and DH and his siblings have traits but because they are in denial they have never been officially diagnosed. When I have tried to discuss DC issues with DH he gets very defensive. It's so hard.

No-one can diagnose online, there are things that concern you so it's best if you'd like to pursue a diagnosis, see your GP without your son and list all his symptoms and ask for a referral.
Some aren't keen without confirmation of difficulties from school as well, so maybe book an appt with SENCO and discuss the things you've outlined above. It's common for schools to say a dc is "fine" if they don't lag behind their peers academically and don't cause disruption.
Average wait is about 2 years in many areas.

Please be aware of the terminology used for autism, some is disparaging of the seriousness of the condition. A label is something you stick on a jam-jar or a suitcase, any diagnoses of AN are bona fide medical diagnoses done by qualified medical professionals, usually a team consisting of Paed, SLT, OT and Ed Psych and involve observations at school and in their offices as well as several tests to determine if the child only has traits or the traits and other factors present strongly enough to be given a diagnosis.

Info on diagnosis
www.autism.org.uk/about/diagnosis/children.aspx

Info about the autistic spectrum
theaspergian.com/2019/05/04/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/
the-art-of-autism.com/understanding-the-spectrum-a-comic-strip-explanation/

My son exhibited a lot of these traits you describe and was diagnosed with ASD when he was nearly 8.

In your position I too would be concerned, and would be asking the GP for a referral, and talking to the SENCO at school, telling them everything you have said on here.

They would no longer give a diagnosis of Aspergers. Any diagnosis given now would be autism.

A NHS diagnosis can take a long time. Ds was referred by his senco in July 2018. He has finally been assessed but he has to wait for a review appointment with the paediatrician to be given the final decision on diagnosis. I have been told this could be another 6 month wait.

It's probably a good idea to approach the senco. Ds's school were initially dismissive but now do completely agree with us that he very likely has ASD.

I think it is definitely worth you exploring this if you have concerns. Our Ds has had a very difficult time at secondary school and many of his issues have arisen because of him being undiagnosed.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Thank you all for the replies.

Thank you for the links blankTimes and yes I agree about the language used sometimes and I am sorry if I came across that way myself. DC's year 2 teacher came out with the old 'but we're all on the spectrum!' line when I raised my concerns at the time.

The SENCO at DC's school is his yr 3 teacher (last year). It's hard to believe because she was so horrible about DC all year, her main issues were his lack of concentration and focus in class, and his forgetfulness - he could never remember to hand his reading record in despite it being a mantra I repeated to him on the way to school every morning. She knew all of this and the tics he developed during his time in her class but not once did she express concern or question why he may be this way. Instead she blamed him for being lazy and disinterested and was awful about him in her parent meetings and written reports, he went from above to below average in her class in year 3. This is the school SENCO