My DS is autistic and in year 3.
Things took a turn for the worse last month. A section of the class started bullying and picking on our DS with lots of physical stuff (e.g. bruises on his ribs from being grabbed and flung, kicked in the shin and the groin, thrown into a fence and to the floor) as well as the usual name calling and minor stuff.
On top of this he has an old friend who he’s not getting along with. My DS has found him difficult to be around, he sees him as a show off and lately a bit of a cry baby. Behaviours crept in and the child then reported DS for being unkind and making him cry. DS calls him names and on one occasion screamed in his face in a fit of rage. He also pushed the boy on one other occasion (but no falling to the floor or bruises - by the child’s very own admission it was gentle push). In light of this the class have started to “protect and defend” this boy against my DS whilst chastising him for being mean.
Obviously my DS is not a saint and has made some “bad choices” but the grievances towards him are significantly greater. When you factor in that DS is autistic, I think it’s not unreasonable to put some of his behaviour down to overload, anxiety and a lag in social communication skills.
Throughout it all, I’ve never once been told by a teacher about the things that happen to my DS. A fellow parent once saw DS by chance being “strangled” at playtime as she was walking past - that was my one and only report. So we see DS looking distraught and angry when we pick him up and have to prise the info out of him.
I‘ve had a meeting and a bit of back and forth on ClassDojo (messaging platform) about the bullying. I’m always measured, reporting what I believe to have happened, never looking for retribution, just a bit of support and help.
In response the teacher always fails to address my concern (I even sent her a photo of the bruised rib) and takes the opportunity to outline some of the ways my DS has been unkind to this boy or others (e.g. mumbled “stupid” at some children, declined to sit with the boy in question when asked to). We also get vague, much bigger issues like “I’m afraid some children have reported Chinese burns” which she fails to clarify but heavily implies DS is responsible. Then we discover a boy gave DS one and insisted DS to do one on him.
She has remarked on DS’s best friend’s loyalty, insinuated he is a martyr for sitting with my DS and comforting him when he’d much rather be outside.
I’ve asked for her help to get the boys to a truce, explaining DS no longer wants to be his friend, he doesn’t want to keep falling out, he just really wants to be left alone. I think that’s reasonable and achievable with a bit of gentle talking and light hearted approach. She just suggested they sit together and choose an activity, totally unsupported. When DS declined to do that (quite reasonably out of fear for what might unfold if they were left to their own devices), she reframed it as DS “refused to sit with him - poor Ben”.
So essentially she cannot bring herself to say anything good but doesn’t hesitate to tell us about every minor indiscretion. She shuts down all our concerns and refuses to praise or reward the kid for anything. Again, he is autistic.
Is it just me or is this grounds for complaint?