Having another child after ASD diagnosis

[TimmyTheDog01]

I have a very unique situation. Well I think it is anyway!
My first son (7) has an ASD diagnosis. He’s doing well but the preschool years were very tough. And he still needs lots of help and support but he’s a great little man.
My second child is great fun but challenging. I am monitoring him for ADHD, also has mild traits of ASD but he’s doing fine. He’s charming and lovable but very demanding too.

DH and I put ttc’ing fir a third on hold. When we eventually tried, we discovered infertility issues. For a number of reasons we have decided to adopt a frozen embryo. At first, I thought it might help with concerns about another child with ASD, but to be honest, that has worn off now. I have looked at all kinds of research and frightened myself. What if our adopted embryo baby has ASD. The complexity of emotions would be impossible.
I am 40. For me, this is the last opportunity I will take. I am devastated at the thought of not having another baby for myself and my kids. But is it worth the risk?
I have PCOS, I am almost 4 stone overweight, on medication for insulin resistance as a result of PCOS. Latest bloods have shown that I will need extroxin during pregnancy because my thyroid results are too low for successful pregnancy.
Do I just enjoy my boys?i know I’m so lucky already.
Is the risk too big? Not just ASD but any kind of intellectual disability or neuro developmental difficulty. ASD has brought me to my knees at times. I’ve bent over backwards to help my son reach potential. Happy to do it. It’s my choice to do and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am so immeasurably proud of him but I am also painfully aware of how hard it has been at times. Is this worth the risk?
I’m just rambling now. I’d appreciate any thoughts ☺️

There have been a few threads on this before if you search on the site for "having another child ASD" or similar.

It's tough: I feel lucky that we didn't really suspect DD was autistic when we got pregnant with DS! And now I'm too old anyway (older than you!) and with a history of horrible pregnancy sickness, so it's a non question. In a way I feel lucky to not have choices (or to have choices that are very easily made!) Good luck coming to your decision.

Thanks LightTripper. We conceived DS2 before knowing about DS1’s autism. Thank Goodness. Another few months later and I would have been without him. He’s the single best thing to happen DS1 also 💖

Yes, DS and DD also get on so well together (well, not all the time, but lots of impromptu cuddles and now DS is 2 DD is loving being able to include him in her games more - he's a pretty willing super-hero-sidekick or class member or whatever the game of the day is (not sure how long that will last!!)

It's a hard one though, and that's before you take into account that NT children are demanding too (if anything DS, who is probably NT, is probably harder to parent than DD - she has always been very cautious and more self-contained so parenting her is about trying to manage her anxiety and make her feel safe to try things. DS is much more dramatic and adventurous. It makes them a good duo but it is hard work sometimes!)