I think my friends son could have autism.

[Shootingstar1115]

Hi all, I’m no expert but I have two DC. Eldest diagnosed with asd and my youngest is being assessed.

I have a friend, I’ve not seen her son for a while but the way she talks about him makes me believe he has asd. Obviously I cannot make this assumption. But he has quite significantly speech delayed, has sensory issues, issues with his behaviour, no sense of danger and issues with frustration. He just reminds me of DS at the same age but they seem really dismissive of it. The boy is 3. At that age I was probably the same.

I don’t want to tell her up front that her DS could have an issue because I don’t want to upset her but the little boy isn’t being supported in the pre-school he is in, nothing is in place for him. Even if he does not have autism he has some things that need addressing and the correct support put in place.

Whilst out for lunch with other friends. She was talking about his speech issues and I asked if he was under speech therapy to which she replied no. A referral was made but she hadn’t made an appointment yet. All her other friends (didn’t really know them) were really dismissive saying things like ‘oh he will catch up in his own time’ ‘no need for speech therapy’ ‘pre school will teach him these things’ (it hasn’t yet) whilst I was trying to tell her the huge benefits of having speech therapy. Even if he cannot have actual speech therapy yet I’m sure they will assess him and give my friend some guidance on how to help him expressing himself. Yet everyone in her family and her friends seem to be discouraging her getting the right support for him.

I want to encourage her to get the right help yet don’t want to seem like I’m over bearing.

Help?

I’m not sure you can do much more than you have done already. I think if you are too specific then you will likely upset her and all she will hear is that you think something is ‘wrong’ with her child. And lets be honest that will never go down well with any parent.

The fact your friend is talking about it though is a good sign. I remember doing this. I was quite dismissive as well. It was a delay and he would catch up in time, but there was always a niggle at the back of my mind wondering if there was more to it.

It is frustrating, because when you are on the other side you want to help and realise how important it is to get support in place. You realise too how unhelpful the “oh, it’s fine. He will catch up” comments are. I think though everyone has to move through each stage in their own time. You can’t do much more than reassure her and advise that it is always best to get things checked out.

As her DS gets older it is likely that if he does have additional needs then it will become more obvious. For now, I would keep gently encouraging her to seek support and just be there for her. She is very lucky to have such a great friend.