Need a vent - people constantly debating the "severity" of DDs autism ...

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Hello, back on here with a rant 🤣 It's been building up for a little while now.

DD is 3years 8 months, I've had quite a few comments within the past couple of weeks, "D isnt that obviously autistic is she?", "Xs son is much more severe", "she seems quite normal", "D doesnt have issues with XYZ does she?".

They make me want to scream but instead I stand and explain her issues or that shes good at masking and will make up for it later.
People think she doesn't have issues because I've found ways of trying to distract her or comfort her, like if shes about to go into meltdown we stop sit on the floor and I'll squeeze her (no matter where we are I must look mad), if we're at home I can sometimes use the weighted blanket and a bottle of milk to keep her calm for a while, but it's not like shes not struggling still.
She can speak and will respond to questions with learned responses or just say 'yep' and walk off, she has understanding enough that she can sit in clinic and point out 'the girl eating', but if asked to pick up the book behind her she can't find it. So people will say she has no trouble communicating but I know the majority of her speech is parroted from TV or, the over exaggerated conversations me and her dad would have infront of her to try and get her to interact with others.

It doesn't help that lately I've been having issues with nursery not believing a lot of what I'm saying DDs issues are at home, until they come face to face with the issue, then having no idea how to respond because they havent listened.

I rambled, made no sense and theres plenty more that I'll remember and carry on ranting about but it's just winding me up, just because she seems "normal" doesn't mean she isnt struggling, just like I'm behind her like a crazed puppet master having to control everything around her.

Rant away, we'll all join in

People who THINK they know about autism which seems to be 99.9% of the population actually know SFA and they base their opinions on the Daily Mail or what they've seen of their nephew's neighbour's postman's son's autistic child.

Basically they spout bollocks and expect you to take their advice because they are sure they know how to deal with all autistic children.

I always refer people to the Rebecca Burgess comic, it explains the autistic spectrum really well and saves my breath and patience.
the-art-of-autism.com/understanding-the-spectrum-a-comic-strip-explanation/

School, all the family, the HV, the GP would not listen to my concerns until DD was 10. They knew best, you see, I was just a helicopter parent who mollycoddled her and wouldn't let her stand on her own two feet. Any issues she had were because of my parenting. Sigh.

No-one knows what it's like for you except other parents of autistic kids who have experienced that reaction from people who frankly should know better.

I understand. I saw one of those meme things that said that some people with autism are like swans, they look very serene gliding along but there is a lot of paddling going on under the surface. I've got a nearly 13 year old ds who has aspergers syndrome and a 5 year old ds who is being assessed. I get a lot of "but he's only a bit autistic" and other not helpful comments, mainly from people who think they know everything because their cousin's, hairdresser's, auntie's postman's nephew has autism.

This is why I hate the functioning labels that people try to attach because they don’t show what is really going on.

I have been told before now that ds can’t be autistic because he can speak (still delayed at 9 and struggles with a lot of aspects), and can make eye contact. Because he can often do the work academically (with support and if presented right) they assume all is ok.

They don’t see the real life side of it all though

theaspergian.com/2019/05/04/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/

This is quite a good way of explaining it to people too

Like the links posted. Have the same issues with people's expectations of my son - mainly teachers of course and my husband who is actually the same as my son ironically but not diagnosed. To be honest though even sometimes I overestimate what he can tolerate as some days he can tolerate more than others, he can be very unpredictable!!