Crunch time - should we move ASD DS to small mainstream independent school

[Puffthemagicdragongoestobed]

We have to make a decision to move to another part of the country where DHs work is, or stay where we are but this means a lot of travelling for DH and the family being apart.

DS (year4) has been offered a place at a small independent school near DHs work after attending a couple of transition days there. He has a diagnosis of ASD but his current state primary never supported getting him an EHCP. Academically he has always been a bit behind but not significantly. Socially he has always been doing ok, he has always had a big group of friends, is outgoing, is part of the football team, gets invited to parties... pretty much leads a normal social life for a 9 year old boy.
His main issues are following instructions, managing transitions and sensory overload. Over the past year he has become a frequent school refuser, I believe this has been triggered by constantly changing teachers for his class.
The only extra support he receives is some additional tuition in a small group outside the classroom.

We hope that the move to the small private school will help him because of the smaller class sizes and because our family life should improve as a result of being together in one place. He will need to get extra tuition in maths and English at the private school which we are going to fund.
I am now worried if we made the right choice for him as this is in no way a specialist school, just a small non-selective private school, but who have some kids with SEN (at the open day DH met a pupil with ADHD for example).
But he has never had 1on1 and his current class only has a part time TA due to funding cuts, so I am thinking a smaller class with both a teacher and a TA will be an improvement. DS loved the school at the taster days when everyone had been very welcoming, and much preferred it to his current primary. But how much can you really say after two days.

I would appreciate hearing of experiences from others with ASD children at private schools. Having read previous threads I am starting to doubt our decision but most of these were about kids requiring 1on1..

Thanks a lot

I honestly think it depends on the school and the child. There are some independent schools that do it really well but also a lot who don't. I used to work as an SEN Officer and saw both sides. Currently, I have a DD who at 9yo is undergoing assessment for ASD. She's been at a small, independent school since the age of 4 and at the moment is expected to go on to the Senior School. Up until this year, Y5, she did fine without any support other than what is naturally offered by an independent school, it's just now we are starting to think she might need more pastoral and social support.

Independent schools can be helpful because of smaller class sizes, quieter environments, a low tolerance for bad behaviour and the teacher having time to get to know children individually and give individualised support in a way that is harder in larger state schools.

That said, most independent schools, in my experience, don't know a lot about SEN and don't necessarily have the specialist expertise to help. Some schools will advise the student to change schools at the first sign of any SEN more serious than mild dyslexia, others are more supportive.

I would say that for an academically able child whose difficulties are mainly social/emotional and who isn't aggressive, it's worth exploring. It's unlikely an independent mainstream school would take a child with a significant learning need or history of serious aggression.