Any lone parents of children with ASD?

[RuffleCrow]

Do you do any paid work?

Ds5 was disgnosed with ASD last year. I want to work but to be honest I'm struggling to see how i would manage it. Ex was abusive and only does his 'contracted hours' with the 3 dcs. No family or other support. Local childcare has been very disappointing in the past. He's only recently started full days anyway. I do volunteer atm for a charity but it's flexible and works out to about 1 day per week there and another working from home. If i can't come in, they understand. There are no paid jobs where i could get away with that. I feel very vulnerable if ex starts paying less maintenance or the DWP decide ds no longer needs DLA. Any ideas or suggestions welcome.

Bump

I didn't answer because I am not a lone parent so it didn't seem relevant. I have had to limit my hours and work in a school office - is there a way you could do something like that? What skills do you have? I really understand you feeling vulnerable re your ex and dwp. I hope someone with more similar experience can help.

I'm a lone parent of DS9 and I'd find it impossible to work. ExP doesn't have any contact at all. Realistically his DLA is pretty secure (awarded until age 16) as his needs are severe, and so my carers allowance and other benefits are more reliable as income than most jobs. DS attends therapies outside of school (during school time) and often can't manage to attend school, so I wouldn't even be able to do a school hours job. I don't think I'd even want to work, as it's the only down time I have away from DS and I wouldn't really want to spend it all in a workplace. I'd never get any chores or errands done, or have any time for myself.

I do have friends who have disabled dc and work, but they either have another parent/partner involved to split the load, retired grandparents to help out, earn loads and can pay for specialist childcare, or their disabilities are far milder (in mainstream/don't have EHCP/don't get DLA).

Thanks Grasspigeons. I always draw a blank when asked about my skills. I'll have to have a think. I don't think I'd be very suited to a similar role to yours as I'm not the world's most organised person. I did do a course in being a classroom assistant but i lost faith in myself for a number of reasons. On one hand i thought i was doing a good job helping children with core subjects and the class teacher seemed pleased with my work. On the other hand when i needed a reference from the headteacher to apply for paid work she declined and it really knocked me for six. What with ds having asd i started questioning whether i really wanted by homelife and work life to be so similar anyway...

I'm in an advice-giving, support oriented voluntary role at present.

I know what you mean about the chores and the downtime Goldpanda. It feels like lps are expected to be all things to all people sometimes and when do we get time to catch up on the essentials that keep us sane and stop the house looking like a bomb's hit it?

Hi OP,

Ah I don’t know how you do it, or how any single parents do it in fact. Hats off to you :-)

I don’t really know the answer - but just to share: I work in an office full time and they are really flexible with me leaving early or working from home - as I think many offices are nowadays. They know the situation with DD and are understanding, thank goodness! They have to be as my DP’s work is not flexible. I actually like the fact that I work full time and that she’s in nursery (which she loves and where she thrives), in our case it’s turned out to be good for both of us :-)

I think it can be done, it’s just about finding that perfect flexible job which may take a while to find :-) Good luck :-) x

Hi I was a lone parent from pregnancy until age 5. DS was not diagnosed with anything until 7 so we were just pushing on through everything and both having a pretty miserable time.

When he was 18 months I went to university this worked as DS was reasonably ok at nursery and enjoyed the routine. There were lots of extra benefits eg a grant and childcare costs paid (up to 80%). I also got the old tax credits. I did that for 4 years it was quite flexible and short days, long holidays too (I used to keep him in nursery for some of them as the routine worked better). Obviously DS does not have too complex needs and so I was able to do this.

Me. My ds is 8, autistic, non verbal and lives with me full time. I can’t work as I have to take my son to and from school (which takes 3.5 hrs a day in total), so only have about 3 hours free weekdays, term time only and it’s the only chance to get anything done. I’m really hoping to get back into work in a few years if ds can cope with a taxi (definitely not an option at the moment).
It’s a worry though, I too, worry they’ll take away his DLA (it’s up for review next year) and the way the government is kicking everyone off disability benefits it’s a genuine concern.
There’s a couple of mums from school that have started their own businesses, one does dog walking and one makes face creams and butters and sells them online so maybe you could think of doing something like that which you can do in your time.

My daughter is undergoing assessment. I'm currently doing a PhD but I have worked full-time in the past. However, my daughter is mildly autistic if she is autistic, is at mainstream school and her only real additional care needs are managing meltdowns. I did find it emotionally draining to work full-time as I never had any time to myself until late at night. However, I also felt it helped me keep my identity as a person as opposed to just 'X's mum'.