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ADHD help with school/dysfunctional ex partner

2 replies

Sarahjess26 · 29/05/2019 17:09

Ok so, I’m wondering if anybody out there can give me a little help or advice regarding the ever mounting obstacles I’m facing. I’ll try my best to make sense lol! So, my DS (year 7) was diagnosed with ADHD last July (whilst in year 6) and has not started any form of treatment as such. The report from the doctor advised that DS should be put on medication. This had to be in agreement with my ex partner, who did not advise me until 5 months after the diagnosis that he did not agree with meds. Now the reason for the delay was because DS was starting Y7 and the pead thought best that the school had a few months without meds, so they had a benchmark to assess the difference during meds trial. Anyway, the upshot was that my ex partner did not agree to the diagnosis and demanded a retest. After a lengthy complaint from myself to pead, they decided to retest under the influence of an ADHD drug. Results came back almost normalised, therefore a diagnosis of ADHD was reconfirmed again. Ex partner STILL refused to allow him to start meds, this was also with the knowledge that DS had discussion with SW that he felt “really clever” and “more sociable” on the meds. It doesn’t help that the school are not supporting DS at all and are dishing out detentions left right and centre due to missed homework. DS does not write his homework in his planner, and school refuse to put anything in place to help him. School also have no concerns, however his TCAT tests that he did in Feb this year show that he is struggling massively! On one test he scored 3%....school tell me how pleasant he is etc, which is great and I’m pleased about that of course, however just because he is pleasant it does not mean that he is achieving his potential. The issue that my DS does not fit the mould as a ‘typical’ child with ADHD, he is massively forgetful and can not manage his emotions well, suffers with anxiety too, however, he is very very good at putting a mask on for school, and then coming home and either acting out or sobbing.....his dad doesn’t seem to help as he will overly punish DS if he gets a detention etc, which has resulted in DS not seeing his dad this week during half term! DS left school on last day of term instead of going for his detention, as he didn’t want dad finding out. I am at my whits end with the whole thing, I feel I’m constantly doing things wrong and that I’m battling everyone. DS’s dad will not communicate with me despite us having a social worker involved. I’m just seeing if anybody out there is struggling with anything similar? Surely if DS is happy to take meds (as he’s nearly 12) then that will override dads PR? What else can I do regarding school, they are clearly not helping DS achieve his potential. DS has very low opinion of himself and will constantly sabotage nice things planned for him by acting up then saying “he doesn’t deserve nice things”....it’s worth noting as well that DS has other health issues that require blood tests, he has refused blood tests for the past 18 months, and despite play therapy put in place, he’s now refused point blank to have them at all, so now we are awaiting a psychological assessment date to come through. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated :)

OP posts:
Lennon80 · 09/06/2019 13:55

I’m afraid I’d be giving the meds and ignoring dad - hell just not take them when with him. It’s deemed as in his best interests so your ex wouldn’t stand a chance in court

KcEliMa · 09/06/2019 22:48

I’m not sure on the way it works, so please forgive my ignorance, but do you need dads consent for the meds? Are you his primary care giver? Can you alone not consent?
Also, and please, I’m only trying to think outside the box, but maybe dads punitive manner & blatant refusal for best interests is starting to affect DS? How did DS cope/ behave when he didn’t see dad? Maybe his anxieties and low self esteem stem from dads lack of empathy/ understanding?
Sounds like your focus is 100% on ds’ Best interests, so never doubt yourself & what you do.
Personally, if I were you, I’d be going to governors over the lack of support from school & kicking their backsides where it hurts. Does he have an EHCP? If not, it’ll be worth looking into as then school have to provide the support & care, it’s legally binding.
Good luck!

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