Would you tell a friend if you thought their child had asd?

[Shootingstar1115]

Hi all, I have two children. My eldest is on the spectrum and my youngest is not but has a speech disorder. Prior to having my eldest I knew very little about autism as which is guess is the case for most people.

I have a friend. She has a little boy around aged 2.5. For a long While I’ve had this niggly feeling something isn’t quite right but I didn’t want to mention it and upset and obviously I don’t see him that much so I can’t really make judgment on short amount of time so I just thought If their were concerns that they would be picked up on at his two year check and when he starts Pre school. I remember her telling me her mil mentioned her concerns over her concern and she was so upset I didn’t know what to say.

He is speech delayed amongst other issues but in Our area they don’t really refer to salt until at least 2.5 and don’t even consider autism until 3 so if he was it’s atill early days.

We were told my own son didn’t have autism at 3 but was diagnosed at 5...

Would you just carry on and not mention anything? I’m sure if he is it will be picked up on by the pre/school etc?? She also has an older child so she must notice the differences herself anyway?

I wouldn't. I have a child with ASD and I'm a professional who assesses for ASD.

If a friend asked me outright or eluded to concerns, I would bring it up. But I wouldn't mention it unless they did.

I've been in the situation. I wouldn't mention it unless they asked me outright. It's so hard to be sure as well when they're so little, unless they're significantly affected.

My friend and I have children of very similar age and their development is so different. It really wouldn't surprise me if her DC has ASD for a variety of reasons. Ironically I suspect my other DC may have ASD, he is certainly very sensory and some other comorbids have recently been identified. He presents quite differently to her DC.

My friend has a lot on her plate with her other DC with a medical need that takes up a lot of time and emotional energy. I don't think she's been in the right place to consider investigating ASD. If she queried it, I would be honest with my thoughts, but I don't think she needs them without inviting them.

2.5 is very young. It is often junior school before ASD can present more obviously as development gaps show long term, or traits are exposed by changing expectations.

2.5 is very young. It is often junior school before ASD can present more obviously as development gaps show long term, or traits are exposed by changing expectations.

For some children it presents very obviously before 2.5, and by the time they are at school can be too late for them - they are already set up to fail, because mainstream without support is not what they need.

Mine were diagnosed at 3 and 2, respectively.

If she's concerned about this speech delay and hitting her head against a brick wall wrt help, I absolutely would share my observations as an experienced non-expert.

I wouldn't unless she asks. I have a friend who's a psychologist and I think she had suspicions for years but she never said a word and I didn't ask. What she did, which I really appreciate, is treat my son with the utmost respect and patience at all times. She was almost a safe space for us when it was sometimes difficult to mix more widely.

Also if it does comes up, I would shift the question away from "do you think he might be autistic?" to "are there enough markers to warrant asking a professional to assess him?". You can't diagnose, she can't diagnose, it's just should she draft in someone more qualified?