Having baby no 2, when your first as ASD

[Blossom4538]

Just considering going for no2! We always had reservations, it’s tricky enough with DD and we are so tired! Are we mad? Also thinking of impact on our little one (8) High Functioning. Also, risk of ASD and special needs in baby no2

How did it go for you?

A bit different for me as my fourth child has autism. We weren't contemplating having a fifth anyway but ds was so difficult that we determined he would be our last in spite of paed's assurance that as his chromosomes were normal we had been unlucky and shouldn't consider that there was a genetic cause as there were no children with ASD or co morbids in either extended family.
I found myself very unexpectedly pregnant when ds was eight year old. Again paed reassured us that ds was a one off. I cried every day of my pregnancy, ds was still very difficult and I was worried about PND. Dd arrived and she was the biggest blessing,no PND this time, she was nothing like ds and ds adored her where he barely tolerated the rest of us. I was determined that I would enjoy her.
At four months I first suspected she had autism, at eight months I was pretty sure she had autism, at twelve months I knew and she was diagnosed around her second birthday.
In many ways it was easier second time around, I'd learnt a lot and knew how to fight to get what she needed but two with autism and differing needs was hard work and life felt a slog.
Ds is now 24 and dd is 16, life isn't simple but they adore each other and seeing them together brings me more joy than anything else if I'm honest.
Paed revised his opinion that ds was a one off and cautioned that any further children were very likely to have autism and recommended genetic counselling for my older children should they consider starting a family.

Wow, thank you for this. It’s so helpful to hear others experiences.

I have had mixed feelings in the past but feel like it could be amazing, hard work, but amazing! I am just so tired though, at the minute 😬
In the past it was a definite “no” but we are broody. Dd was crazy jealous when younger and still can be a little. She would like a brother or sister though. However she hates the sound of babies and toddlers crying! 🙈

I have a 2 yr 3 month old who we are going through the process of diagnosis of autism and we now have 10 week old. I'm finding it super difficult but when we got pregant we didn't know this would be the journey we would be on and prop wouldnt have got pregant but the decision was been taken away and 10 week old is lovely very different from my older one when she was baby , but it's hard and i do have days when im struggling

I was already pregnant when we suspected dd has autism. Youngest was born when our dd with autism was 3. Youngest also has autism but it’s a lot more severe. Our middle dd had a knot in her cord and I had to have surgery when I was pregnant with her. We thought maybe that had caused her issues (before we knew it was autism). Looking back had I been as informed about autism as I am now I wouldn’t have had my youngest. We stopped with my youngest because we didn’t want to run the risk of another child with special needs. It’s just too hard.

We got pregnant with DS when DD was 2.5. At that point we knew she had delays but not that it was autism. We had also been trying a while. DD is verbal and has no learning disabilities, sensory issues mainly proprioception and a bit of aural, so not too hard to parent TBH though obviously she has her challenges.

DS is now 2 and is a bit speech delayed though he's very communicative and social, so people seem to think he's probably not autistic. Either way he's a very happy chap and he and DD adore each other and have a lot of fun together (obviously their moments of conflict too! But I think it's actually been very good for DD to have a brother to interact with and look out for).

So our experience has been a good one so far.

We had DS2 before we realised DS1 is autistic. DS2 is 4 now and has no signs of ASC. They get on really well and he's really helped his older brother learn social skills and get confident approaching other children. But in all honesty I don't know if I'd have number 3! Hard decision x

We have 17 months between a singleton and twins. Singleton has ASD and ADHD and one of the twins has ASD. It is incredibly hard for us as parents but in a way I think having a NT sibling and another with ASD helps our oldest (even if she does not always agree). We once said we did not know if she wanted a brother or sister so were so lucky when we got both and she responded by saying she did not want either! They can fall out like all siblings do (probably more extreme) but then when we are outside of the home they are very protective of each other.

My dd is autistic and I have chosen not to have more children. As far as things go she isn't the most "intense" autistic child I know but she is very controlling and anxious and adding another person to our home would be very distressing for her. On the other hand I am autistic and have two younger brothers. I can't say I really enjoyed being a sister and I would probably have been happier as an only child. I love the youngest of my brothers especially but he a learning disability and I'm more of a carer than a big sister so it's not really a typical sibling relationship.

Hey everyone,

Really interested in people’s opinions on this subject and following with interest.

OP - such a tough decision isn’t it! Our only child, DD aged 3, is likely autistic (although undiagnosed as yet). I always assumed we’d have more children, but DD, whilst the loveliest most gorgeous little girl, does need lots of extra support and we’re not finding parenting very easy! There seems so many pros and cons of sticking with one vs expanding our family - I can understand families making either decision, I’m just not sure which is right for us as yet! Watching with interest :-) x