Hi I posted in the behaviour thread but only got one reply and they suggested posting here, hope you can help!
So I really hope someone can help me as I'm at my whits end right now. This will be long I'm going to try and explain a bit about her.
My daughter is 4 almost 5. she is in the first year of school. I feel like she acts very differently to other children. So I'm going to try and describe.
She has what I call mega meltdowns, not like a tantrum I've seen in my other kids, but a full on meltdown over something ridiculously tiny or sometimes seems like nothing at all! For example, this happens often where I go downstairs in the morning to feed the baby, if she wakes before I've finished feeding she will ask me to come up and get her, I tell her I'm just feeding the baby and I'll be up in a minute, she shouts "no now!" Or "put him down then" And continues to shout this loudly and stamp on the stairs till I eventually go up and see her. It's like she doesn't care about others feelings, she loves her baby brother but doesn't seem to care if I have to leave him to cry to do something that she wants.
A couple weeks ago, her older brother wouldn't do what she wanted so she stabbed him with a fork. It drew blood and he was obviously very upset (he is a year older than her), I obviously told her off but then ignored her while I comforted her brother. She was shouting, stamping her feet that I was ignoring her but didn't seem to care about what she did.
She wets the bed quite often, not sure if that's relevant.
She will only wear certain things. Absolutely no dresses or leggings, only jeans and shorts. She won't wear her hair up, ever. To get her to school it has to be on her terms, or I find if I make it clear in advance what she has to wear or do she cooperates better.
She hates change, and hates anything Unexpected.
Me and her dad split up a year ago. We moved into my parents for 3 months, then into our own home. While I was with her dad he never had much to do with the kids really, never once got up with them at night or morning or did anything like take them school help them get dressed get their tea, he didn't do any of the daily stuff with them at all, so when we split up and he demanded to have them over night she didn't cope well with it. She didn't like leaving me and would often get upset going, however this did get better.
Then her dad moved out of our old house into somewhere else. So this was another change for her, and also she started school and I found out I was pregnant, so she has been through a lot of change. So I put her behaviour down to that.
But it's been over a year and she's still showing signs of not coping with her feelings or certain situations and is incredibly hard to deal with especially when I take her out in public. Her dad isn't the most consistent person, he often says he's having them and doesn't and turns up late ect so I don't feel that helps but there is nothing I can do about that, I can't control how her dad is.
She also struggles socially, she is very selective who she speaks to. My mum for example is a hands on granny, my other children adore her and stay at her house and do things with her, but my daughter will not. My mum will take my older 2 to school, but my daughter will refuse and only want me .
It's like she doesn't like anyone other than me.
One day she suddenly decided she didn't like her school shoes anymore and refused to wear them. I tried everything to get her to wear them but in the end I had to let her wear some other shoes that arnt uniform and apologised to her teacher but it was the only way to get her to school. She won't wear jumpers, or cardigans or hoody's, ever. It could be minus 5 out side and she won't wear one. She will wear coats thank god.
She randomly hits people, and shouts in their face, like out of nowhere! Of course this annoys her siblings a lot! They often don't like playing with her cos it's her way or the high way! During a game, she makes the rules and if they don't follow she just has a meltdown. She can have these meltdowns for an hour sometimes and I try so hard to get her out of them. I try to cuddle her and reassure her but it often makes her more mad. I have to wait till she's ready and then I go over and cuddle her then she's fine like nothing has happened.
She can't wait turns, and will often put herself in a dangerous situation and doesn't seem to care, for example during a meltdown she will go into the road and lie there.
My other kids are often complaining the world revolves around my daughter and it isn't fair and I totally understand as it's true, and I feel so bad about it 😔.
I love my daughter more than life, but her behaviour is getting me down. I'm a single mum, and although my mum is good, my daughter won't go to her so I have no help with her at all. Every school run is hell as she kicks off.
Her teacher says she's fine at school, quiet, and she's never had a meltdown there. She seems to come out of school and explodes! She's like a bomb and this makes school runs so hard 😔.
She has these meltdowns at her dads aswel as with me, so it isn't just me! He often can't cope and sends her back to me on a weekend which I don't feel helps but again, what can I do!?
There is loads more I could say but this is the general jist of it.
So my question, could there be something more to her behaviour than just normal kid behaviour? And if so what do I do? And if it's normal kid behaviour how the hell do I deal with this? Help!