Frustrated with diagnosis situation

[N2986]

I'm hoping someone can offer some advice. My ds is currently undergoing maat assessment. He's 4. He had a number of traits flagged by his nursery, us and our hv.

Since the diagnostic process started some areas are improving for him (such as wearing new clothes- used to be horrific now he's more or less ok with it) he's also gone from being incredibly shy to very forward with adults, even strangers he will hug or kiss if the mood takes him.

Since certain changes have come into play cahms keep feeding back to me that they have no concerns and to be honest it's starting to feel like they think we're making it all up.

Does anyone have any advice at all?

Sorry I didn't realise you had replied. How did you find a private practicioner?

Very forward can be just as consistent with autism as very shy. In fact I would say my DD went through these as phases (very shy with strangers, then very chatty with random adults passing in the street, and then learning roughly when it's OK to chat and when not - still on the shy side).

You do hear a lot of stories of CAMHS fobbing people off.

Hopefully others will be along with recommendations for private Dx - otherwise it may be worth trying the National Autistic Society helpline?
www.autism.org.uk/get-involved/about-us/contact-us.aspx

Thank you all advice is very appreciated. It's frustrating that they acknowledge there are issues but say it doesn't meet the criteria for autism. It felt very much like we were being blamed but I could just be being overly sensitive

Parent blaming also very common. Try to let it wash over you (easier said than done I know). One of the people we went to see early on with DD (private snake oil saleswoman it turns out) essentially told us DD was not autistic but did have problems which were all because she was induced and because I went back to work (not because OH went back to work, obvs). I was so upset but it did toughen me up a bit and made me more focused on getting educated and helping DD myself. It is easier with a Dx though, so you know you are on roughly the right track.

One of the websites I found very helpful for thinking about how to parent is this Self Regulation one: especially the ideas about "behaviour is communication" and the iceberg, where the behaviour you see is just the manifestation of a huge amount of sensory and social pressures going on under the surface. Sounds like your DS is verbal and the great thing at this age is you can start to actually talk to them about e.g. feelings and friendships (I like the Molly Potter books for this), appropriate/inappropriate touching, grounding techniques, etc. all of which should help him manage his sensory and social issues as he gets older, and all of which you can start to put in place even without a Dx (though a Dx will really help with getting supports at school if he needs them).

Is he at school already (or nursery)? If so, do they see differences? If not, presumably you'll be starting to get contact from them soon so it would be good to ask to talk to the SENCO and ask them to keep an eye out for him and see if they think there are any issues. It may be that having the school behind you would help get through to CAMHS.

He's currently at private nursery and they flagged some concerns but he's settled now (very routine based etc). He's due to start school in September. My oldest DC is at the school already so I have made them aware of his little issues- I'm just hoping he settles ok.

I'll def look those books up though thank you. The whole process really makes you doubt your parenting abilities.

Thanks for the advice

Just realised I didn't provide the link to the Self Reg page - here are a few of the nice infographics: good way to think about things I think.

self-reg.ca/infographic-stress-behaviour-parents/
self-reg.ca/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/BehaviourIsCommunication-3-1024x791.png

And loads more here:
self-reg.ca/infographics/