Worried about my 3.8 year old daughter

[Hayleyjane83]

Hi there, its my first time posting on here and I'm a little nervous about it but I feel like I've got no one else to talk to about my concerns, my partner thinks there's nothing wrong.
I have a 9yr old son and a 3.8 year old daughter, I never had any concerns about her as a baby/toddler really she hit all of her milestones on time and was a generally happy baby/toddler. The only real issues she had was/is her speech is quite delayed, which would make her a bit frustrated, and she was a bit more harder work then her brother was, he's so laid back, and she's a lot more feisty and stubborn then he was.
When it was time to go to her 2.5yr check we took her along, the health visitor asked us if we had any concerns, and the main one was her speech was behind, the health visitor advised us to take her to these sessions called big builders to help with her speech, but didn't express any concerns about her. We took her to these sessions for 10 weeks, but her speech didn't really improve, but she enjoyed the activities they done there, again none of the staff expressed any concerns about her behaviour, only that her speech was behind but we already knew that, and advised us to see a speech therapist.
Move forward to last September my daughter started nursery, its a nursery that is attached to my sons school. She took a little time to settle in as it was the first time she's ever been around that amount of children before it was a new to her. We had a little parents evening in November, and the nursery teacher brought up about her speech being delayed and having delayed development, and referred her to a speech and language therapist. The nursery said she found it hard understanding the concept of things like in a minuet we are all going to tidy away the toys, my daughter would get all upset thinking she had to put them away right now, and didn't cope very well if moved to a different environment to do an activity.
We went to see the speech and language therapist at the beginning of march they didn't express any concerns about her behaviour or lack of interaction, just that she was delayed with her speech and language, and we were to go back in June.
Then last night we had parents evening again, and the nursery staff there said that she's come on a lot, but they are still worried about her they said she's quite rigid with her routine and gets upset if they do things differently, she doesn't understand about taking turns, she doesn't like sharing, she gets very upset and distressed at snack time if she has to wait because she thinks she's not going to get her favourite snack (apple) but on the other hand they said she's got friends, she's very caring towards the children, and shows empathy if there's a child that's upset, and her role play and imaginative play is great.
So I asked them what do you think is wrong with her then and they just said we are not doctors we can't diagnose children. They also said that she going to need help transitioning into reception yr in September. Its really worried me its all I can think about, its like they're implying there's something to worry about but not saying what or suggesting what I should do, I'm just worried for her now.
Im sorry for the long post I just wanted to get everything down I could remember, can anyone offer any advice? Or has a child that is similar?

I think their role is to bring things to your attention and provide the best teaching they can for her. Your role is to take the baton and seek support for your child based on the information you are getting. She is clearly functioning within her environments so not a case of clearly has anything in particular. But as her parent maybe you could take steps to get her assessed for emerging issues and behaviours that are being noticed. Maybe it’s nothing or maybe it’s something that just needs more support but it itsnt the teachers jobs to diagnose her as they’ve said.

Make a GP appointment and ask the school what steps you can take to get her assessed (or someone here probably knows).

My son is a teenager now and severely language disordered and also has asd.

Nursery staff can often spot “different” but in my experience don’t have a good idea as to what that difference means. For example,
The nursery said she found it hard understanding the concept of things like in a minuet we are all going to tidy away the toys, my daughter would get all upset thinking she had to put them away right now, and didn't cope very well if moved to a different environment to do an activity.
This would be absolutely standard response from a child with a language disorder who has yet to master past/future tense. They need to change the way they describe putting stuff away and moving on. At the moment they may be trying to help by “giving warning of change” but actually causing distress because your child can’t receive the message. So what she gets is “tidy up, no don’t tidy up right now, now it’s time to tidy up, move on, no I mean move on now”.

How hard would it be for them to differentiate their communication? Could they change how they communicate with her? Perhaps “ miniHJ83 play, miniHJ83 tidy, miniHJ83 lunchtime”. It helps to count the activities on your fingers.

If it’s ASD they are concerned about then nothing you’ve written screams that and, honestly, it’s not that big a deal anyway. The language delay will be much more of a hurdle if no one works out how to communicate with the little girl.

Thanks for your replies, we are supporting her needs every suggestion that's been given to help her with her speech and language we've taken on board and done, we've seen a speech and language therapist and she didn't have any behaviour concerns, just speech and language. My daughter can say a lot of words but finds it hard putting those words into sentences, so she will say some actual words and fill the rest of the sentence with jargon. She also on some words won't pronounce the beginning of a word or leaves the end of a word off so for instance instead of saying squeeze she'll say queeze.
At home I always give warnings about things we are going to do like bath time and bed time etc and she's fine at home about it. I do think a lot of it is the language barrier, but maybe I'm wrong, I don't get to see her for long periods of time in an nursery environment