3 years old, possible signs of autism and scared.

[AFFS]

I have a 3 year old daughter who is being reported by school to minimally engage with peers and teachers. During physical dance and gym classes she doesn’t participate. She watches and just sits there... she is also seeking tactile sensory input by way of scratching on shoes. So yes there are signs ot traits of autism spectrum disorder... we went to a developmental pediatrician last week and she said the results were inconclusive due to absolutely no engagement whatsoever to be able to asses her developmental skill set etc, we have been told to take her for OT and we have also requested prescriptions for physio and referral for eye doctor.
She has told us to take her to an optometrist. Is this the right way to check a 3 year olds eyes? Two years ago it was noticed that she has an astygmatsiam and to come back when she is 3. I had never thought to go to an optometrist?
At home DD engages inconsistently but I definitely get more than at school. Are there any games you can suggest to play to hold engagement better?
Finally I am not coping with a potential diagnosis. It’s obvious where people are heading with their concerns about my daughter but I just can’t seem to accept this. Are there any other potential causes that anyone can think of for lacking engagement and inconsistent social engagement?
Does OT work for improving these behavioural traits? I am so scared... I just want her to be able to cope with school, be able to have friends! I just want her to be able to have relationships and be independent but also my relationship with her I feel might change with a diagnosis... will I think of her different to now? Will I be able to accept this is the way it is? You all seem so strong... I don’t. I also don’t feel good to admit that I struggle with this whole thing. I know I need to be strong... but keep asking myself why... why is this happening...

[Edited by MNHQ to remove personal details]

Firstly, you've mentioned your daughter's name in your post which is very outing.

You need to report your post to MNHQ using the report button at the top of your post, and ask them to remove it.

There's possibly more traffic on the SNChat and SNChildren boards. At least read through the posts on there as a lot are from people in your position.

Finally I am not coping with a potential diagnosis

Why not? It doesn't change who she is, it cannot change who she is. Having a diagnosis or not will not change her personality or her physical appearance or anything else about her. It will not make her any different. It will open the doors for her to get the right support.
IF she has autism she was born with it and will have it all of her life whether it's diagnosed or not. Her life will be much easier if it's diagnosed.
Do read up about it, the NAS website is a good place to start.
www.autism.org.uk/

This illustrates the autistic spectrum and how children with autism are affected differently.
the-art-of-autism.com/understanding-the-spectrum-a-comic-strip-explanation/

Once you understand something, it stops being scary.

This is hard AFFS, but if you get a diagnosis she will get the help she needs at nursery and later school. Without it there will be no funding to help her.
My son has ASD and his diagnosis was a massive relief because finally, I knew it wasn't because of me making parenting mistakes.
Has your DD had her hearing checked? My friends DS was very withdrawn until they discovered he could hardly hear. He had an operation and now is the most lively, chatty, smiley boy ever.
But even if it's autism she could still catch up a lot. Some children are non verbal for years but by age 10 are talking normally.
She is still your precious DD.

I work in a special school with both verbal and non-verbal children.
Every parent gets scared and struggles sometimes, that's only natural, they are our children and we love them.
I remember crying because I was scared of how much harder life may be for my autistic child. But my love for him doesn't change.

Does your daughter make eye contact? Have you tried copying her, for example if she is sat doing something sensory like scratching a shoe, sit next to her and do the same thing and she if she responds.

Autism cannot be diagnosed easily, I have a 5-year-old son with autism and this diagnosis took 1 year. We were with a lot of tests and different doctors, therapists for a year and it was a really difficult process for us. Now we continue to special education and speech therapy, he is very interesteed in some online games and I think it is beneficial to its development. Especially we use the otsimo application every day so that he learned some numbers and colors. I would like to share the app's website with you otsimo.com/en/. I hope it helps in your baby :)