Any advice that could help my DB and DSIL with their child

[MuseumofInnocence]

My DB and DSIL has an adopted son who was severely neglected for the first two years of his life. He's a lovely boy but he's now coming up for seven, and it's been clear for a while that he is a long way behind his peers in communication (he has a four year old sister who you can have conversations with, where my DN often struggles to respond with more than one or two words). He is getting a lot of one to one help at school, which has relied on the school getting additional funding, and they've said that it may be that he will have to go to a special needs school.

My DB (I think) wants his DS to stay in mainstream education, and he hopes he will catch up, and doesn't want his DS "written off", but I think it may be that Special Education is for the best. I think they're getting great advice from the school, but is there any advice you can give on how we could help (siblings)? It could be to butt out, or to talk about special needs education in a way that doesn't mean "writing someone off" at a young age. Any advice would be welcomed. Thanks

Have a look at Michael Rutters research on the Romanian orphans, such as

thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/volume-19/edition-7/romanias-children

(If you don’t have free access to the academic journals)

I suggest the parents ask Ipsea or Sos!Sen about assessment for an EHC plan, as it sounds like DC will need an assessment by a speech therapist and they may say he needs therapy from a speech therapist - which is usually beyond the normal resources of a mainstream school. Only a speech therapist could give an opinion as to whether DC will just catch up; or if they need more intervention and possibly a specialist school. It’s not a case of writing somebody off; children can make good progress and grow into successful adults, it’s just with more help!

It doesn't have to be one or the other. A SN school can work with a mainstream school for a dual placement so he can have the help he needs at the Special School and continue in mainstream; or kids can move back to mainstream part time or full time if their abilities improve.

I think that's quite a tricky situation on a number of levels. For example, where I live delayed speech wouldn't in itself mean a child would be placed in a special school - far from it in fact. Now that's not necessarily a good thing - but where I am the presumption of mainstream means there are hardly any special school places and children have to have significant levels of disability. So this makes my spidey senses tingle and wonder if school is actually trying to offload their current duty of care?

Either way, a DC isn't just flown into special care, there are processes and procedures to be followed. In Scotland, being a looked-after child actually qualifies as an additional support need so there would already be an Educational Psychologist involved. I think you need to find out what your process is locally - Mont's suggestions seem sound - and encourage your brother gently to explore the options. But I wouldn't frame it as 'DS has to go to Special School'. I'd start with 'let's see what the issues are and let's see what help is available.'

I think your DB needs to look in to special schools as it certainly does not mean a child is "written off". They still have a curriculum, still do exams, still do work experience and 6th form etc. But the classes are smaller and their education is focused more on the individuals needs/abilities.

Thanks for your replies. Apologies for not coming back sooner. My DN has been having special one-on-one education in a state primary, but they have been warned that is this requires special funding, a different school may be the most appropriate form of education for him.