Dd3 is (just) 12 and was reassured with high functioning autism last summer. In a way the diagnosis was a relief as we had been struggling with her behaviour for years.
Obviously this is still relatively new to us, having known nothing about ASD in the past and we are gradually gathering information and working out the best methods to help our daughter.
Dh and I recently attended a course on NVR (non violent resistance) and we are trying to put some of the principles in place. However we are struggling to put some basic rules in place, does this go against NVR principles?
The main areas of difficulty at the moment are bedtimes and phone use. Dd takes ages to get ready for bed. Her bedtime on school nights is supposed to be 9.15pm but it hardly ever is because she isn't ready on time. I have to start sending her upstairs around 7.45pm because she takes so long. It all came to a head before half term and I (probably wrongly) put a punishment in place (no phone the next day) and she was very upset. We had a chat about it later and we compromised on moving her bedtime slightly to 9.30pm but I told her I expected her to stick to it.
This week being half term, routines have gone to pot, she's been up very late because she's been messing around with her older sisters. School goes back tomorrow, so how on earth do I handle bedtime without making her stressed or me stressed?
Second issue is the phone - she's on it far too much for my liking. She doesn't have any SM other than WhatsApp but she seems to be on it constantly, either chatting with friends or playing games. She hates me nagging her about it, it makes her stressed, but when I suggest putting some rules into place so we both know where we stand, she doesn't like that either and says her older sisters (17 and 16) don't have such rules.
She's extremely perceptive to the tone of my voice, even the merest hint of irritation she says I'm being 'mean' or 'angry' and blows everything out of proportion 'why aren't you nice to me any more?'. She's actually much better when I'm calm which I am trying to be.
Any advice how to handle this please?