friends and family's reactions to asd

[lexiwest]

just discovered that ds may have asd. Waiting for diagnosis. Shocked at reactions from friends and family as feel like they are all of a sudden avoiding me and treating me differently. I guess that they just dont know what to say. The last thing Ds or I need is sudden exclusion from friends when just days ago there was no problem. I am confused angry and sad anyway to discover that ds is not quite the same as his classmates and realize that the proposed diagnosis does explain alot about ds. also just divorced so single mum too. My mantra has always been just keep swimming (dory - nemo!) but i feel exhausted as i am swimming aginst a huge current! Has anyone else found friends have backed off and could anyone give info on aspergers and dyspraxia please - ds is 5

Ohhh sorry to read this. No advice but just wanted to post really. Hopefully your friends and family will snap out of it soon and remember that nothing has actually changed really but they need to support you and be there for you.

Hi,

Mine has aspergers and dyspraxia and I think sometimes the dyspraxia almost affects him more. People have funny ideas about autism. Most don't understand it or hark back to programmes on the tv in the 70s (I remember one which had some poor family whose son had ripped up every piece of furniture they possessed) or the one about autistic savants. So some may think your son is some sort of genius and/or may be going to be very difficult to handle. Because of this I don't actually mention 'Autism' when describing my son. I say he is dyspraxic and a bit quirky and as most people have heard of dyslexia and relate that to having literacy difficulties but being intelligent (lots of controversy related to that I know) then they are interested and accepting of the dyspraxia. I am choosy as to who I mention the Asperger's to depending on whether they are just being nosy to make themselves feel superior about their own children, and as to how much contact they have with my son. I do not want him looked at as some sort of curiosity, neither do I want us or him to be some object of pity which we have had in the past. I have to say that my son never did get invited round to people's houses and we did have some pretty dire comments such as 'does he do parties?' So you pick and chose friends depending on their attitude to your child. If they are not accepting or are in some way disabilist then frankley I don't want to know - I haven't got the time or energy. Family do have problems coming to terms with it. They know your son as this lively, lovely little boy and it is difficult to come to terms with the diagnosis probablly because they don't know much about it and their view is coloured by the media. There is a book called 'All Cats have Asperger's Syndrome' and that is really sweet. The one think to remember is that all Aspies and Dyspraxics, indeed anyone with ASD or a severe specific learning difficulty is different to someone else with the same diagnosis, so what affects one child won't affect another. You are on an adventurous and sometime rocky path of SEN BUT you do meet some lovely people on the way and learn to jettison the not so lovely ones that impede you and your son's journey.

All the best (sorry this is so long)

I found that out too. My family seem to be the worst by pretending that ds is 'normal'.
I'm lucky that all my close friends seem to accept ds as he is.
Have to agree with Flyingmum, some people expect them to either be rigid with routine and/or rocking in the corner when things get too much (ds does neither) or gifted in some way like a savant.
You will learn to ignore the people that don't understand/accept.
If anyone is willing to understand what you deal with, try to get them to read George and Sam by Charlotte Moore. Fabulous book.

thanks for the replies! They are v helpful and I will look into getting both the books suggested.
Ds was given his school report today - it must have been written before the inference was given that asd and dyspraxia may be the reasons behind why ds is struggling. I am so sad that the report is so damning of poor ds as there were only a few positive comments to tell him - so negative, which means that he wont have a lovely first school report to look back on in later years.
I have had an email from ex husband who has completely the wrong idea and thinks that this is all rubbish and that ds is fine

Hi Lexi
Just wanted to add that a child can have AS AND be fine -- in the right circumstances. Ours is 11, and right now he's astonishing us all with what he CAN do, including (proud parent moment!) getting 5s in all his year 6 SATs, which won't mean a thing to you if yours is little, but seems ever so good to us.

At other times, school in particular has been so hard that he has indeed been rigid with routine and rocking in corners. I've mentioned before the school's first report that he was 'the worst case we've ever had to deal with'. His latest report says that he is:
lovely
chatty
imaginative
friendly
intelligent
...and that they will even 'miss the challenges he has presented'.

Yes, it's the same school! Things can improve hugely if you can get the right help in place. Good luck!